[madscientist1129]

I have dealt with anxiety and depression for the past 4 years or so and I like to think I have it mostly under control. My best friend however does not. We both support each other through our struggles with anxiety, but I usually feel like she doesn't cope with hers as well as I do which then makes me feel like a terrible person for judging that.

The difference between us is I have learned not to let some things bother me either by ignoring, avoiding, or accepting that I cannot control it. She often complains to me about things causing her anxiety such as the house her and her boyfriend are trying to buy. I find it difficult to sympathize with her because if I don't like something I either change it or move on. If someone is bothering me, I ignore them. If I know a situation causes me anxiety, I avoid it.

I guess my overall concern is if my behavior/mentality is healthy? I often feel like a terrible friend because I get frustrated with the things that upset my friends. I hope this description is somewhat coherent - please ask for clarifications if they're needed!

[Thunder Bow]

You are much further along in your healing than your friend is. She is complaining about things to re-enforce her depression. She hang on to those ills as if they are a sour tit. Best not to re-enforce those feelings with her. You have made excellent progress in your healing.

[-jimi-]

Judging someone because they are not exactly like oneself with your own strengths, I find that very immature and actually probably destructive as well. I'm sure there are areas where your friend does better than you but do you include those when judging her?

[madscientist1129]

Originally Posted by -jimi-

Judging someone because they are not exactly like oneself with your own strengths, I find that very immature and actually probably destructive as well. I'm sure there are areas where your friend does better than you but do you include those when judging her?

I agree - that's why I said it makes me feel terrible when I realize I'm doing it. The problem is that I can't relate to her struggles because I tend to let things go more than she does.

I'm very much like you. We do the same things, and think the same way in this sense. I get frustrated that people get so worked up over things I deem minor but I think because I've hardened myself sometimes it's easier for me to see how minor it is in the grand scheme of things whereas some people can't see passed what's right in front of them in that moment.

Avoidance isn't always a good thing because it can lead to avoiding things we're supposed to notice. I find it difficult to be sympathetic at times, all I can do is try and be patient. Your friend sounds like she's more dependant on you than you are on her and maybe she feels like she's being left behind in the healing process because you've found strength where she hasn't. I know it can be frustrating continuously reassuring the same person, but maybe that's all she needs every now and then.

Are you able to talk about it with her? My partner is similar to your friend and can get defensive when I try and talk about needing time to myself when she's being needy.

[madscientist1129]

Originally Posted by Anglo

I'm very much like you. We do the same things, and think the same way in this sense. I get frustrated that people get so worked up over things I deem minor but I think because I've hardened myself sometimes it's easier for me to see how minor it is in the grand scheme of things whereas some people can't see passed what's right in front of them in that moment.

Avoidance isn't always a good thing because it can lead to avoiding things we're supposed to notice. I find it difficult to be sympathetic at times, all I can do is try and be patient. Your friend sounds like she's more dependant on you than you are on her and maybe she feels like she's being left behind in the healing process because you've found strength where she hasn't. I know it can be frustrating continuously reassuring the same person, but maybe that's all she needs every now and then.

Are you able to talk about it with her? My partner is similar to your friend and can get defensive when I try and talk about needing time to myself when she's being needy.

I think I'm going to try to talk to her about it soon. I want to be sensitive to her anxiety, but I also want to help her move on and not enable some of her behaviors.

I'm glad to hear from someone in a similar position - best of luck with your situation!

And to you. I hope it goes well.