[michaelrbuley]

I'm 60. Over the past couple years, I've come to see my very strong introversion.

I'm most comfortable by myself. I don't really like face to face conversations unless they are about specific ideas or fields I'm interested in. I don't like to just sit and talk with people, at all.

I enjoy sitting by myself, walks by myself or with my dogs. I enjoy mostly being alone. I don't like to visit people, and I don't like people to visit me. My folks are the exception to go visit; and those visits are frequent (the folks are 87 and 88, and needing more help) often 10 to 20 minutes, and rarely longer.

Problem is, I married two years ago, and I find myself craving much more solitude and alone time, including sleeping alone. Sex isn't a problem; our sex is very good when we make love. And I like to sleep alone. That's become an issue.

I'm a very creative person, and need long periods of time alone to create. And I mean more than two or three hours. I could easily go a few days apart, and be much happier, than living together day in and day out. I work at home. My wife is at home more often than not.

I like space. I crave space. And quiet. And solitude. Being with people -- even one person -- makes me uncomfortable, unless we have interesting and diverse conversations about in-depth topics.

I like to write. I am on the phone with customers a lot during days. Phone is fine; they're far away, and I can control the conversation and keep it to business topics, or about them.

I'm coming to the conclusion that I am not cut out to live with anyone. And I think I'm quite good with that. I love my wife. And I like far more time alone than probably most do. Distance is a far easier proposition for me, and getting together every few days.

More than anything, I want to create. The creative impulse in me has been strong for a long time. I've created a lot; there is much more to create. It's infinite.

This is a long note to perhaps come to this question: do others find that you just can't live with anyone? I mean it is disturbing to have someone around for any real length of time? I can do the social things when needed. But I'll always want my space, my solitude, my quiet.

It's an odd thing to realize these things about myself. I was married for 25 years in my first marriage. I pointed to a lot of faults in my wife as my reason for divorcing. In looking back, I was always very uncomfortable being married. The 'flaws' I saw in my first wife, were, I realize, more excuses I could give myself so that it was about her, and not me. I needed space, quiet, calm. And we did find it very difficult to have any substantive conversations, which was draining, too.

Interestingly, my second wife and I have problems having any substantive conversations -- talks about things other than people and events.

I like a connection with a woman -- a mental connection, an emotional one -- and as far as far as physical, I realize I am not happy with anyone around day in and day out. Then again, maybe I've not met the 'right woman.' And more than that, I want to be right for me, and with me.

As this is my first post, I hope I haven't abused the privilege by going on too long. And I would appreciate any feedback from anyone who might have some insight and similar experiences to share. I know there are many aspects to all of this, many aspects to each of us. And I am grateful for any notes from any in the group.

Thanks very much.

Hi Michael,

Welcome to Psych Central.

There's nothing, per se, wrong with being an introvert as long it doesn't interfere with your activities of daily living.

I have to ask you this question: Why did you remarry two years ago?

Again, welcome.

[Thunder Bow]

Your post reflects your Maturity. You are a mature person, thus what you like doing is quite normal for a mature person. You are always going to need your space, your solitude, your quiet. Substantive conversations means maturity and intelligence. Thus the way you are living, is the way it should be for someone like you.

Originally Posted by michaelrbuley

....

This is a long note to perhaps come to this question: do others find that you just can't live with anyone? I mean it is disturbing to have someone around for any real length of time? ....

I've always questioned the idea if I can live with someone else. The reason is exactly what you are describing. I am socially anxious, but I also like to be alone and do things only by myself, I am not interested in the talks that others chit-chat about all the time, I have my own ways in doing things, and I need my time and space to do whatever I want whenever I want. But I guess the sex and emotion parts don't make things that easy.

[phoenix7]

how does she relate to your need for solitude?