[Alwal]

Hello,
i never looked for help with any mental related issues, although i suffered from anxiety and ocd at young age, so i don´t know how to indentify my own feelings if that makes sense.

In the last years i´ve been feeling numb and i think that is why i resourced to gambling, i will lose all my money...I feel like money lost its value, what i want is to feel that rush. I never had a girlfriend and i never had a job at 25! I have no ambitions, no motivation and no joy in life...I tend to self-harm, i did cut my arm once to cope with the more heavy self-harm that i really can't control which is punching in the face or body (i feel like a retard by doing this) and suicide is always on my mind, i always considered it as a way out. The worst thing is that i realize i could have a pretty normal life if i had a healthy brain.

My mother commited suicide when i was like 10, i think my anxiety and ocd started from there but i don't really want to blame it on that event.

I´m questioning if i might be depressed and if this feeling is related to it, it's really not a good feeling. I don´t really remember to have to dreams or big ambitions about life, so maybe i´m just this way.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Alwal: I'm sorry you are struggling. Yes, this certainly sounds like depression to me. I've never been into gambling. But much of what you described sounds very familiar to me. Hopefully being here on PC can be of some comfort & support to you.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[Unrigged64072835]

You're not blaming anything if you connect your illness to a specific event. It just happened there.

Nobody here can diagnose you with depression, but your symptoms sound indicative of it. You might want to see a professional, like a psychiatrist or therapist, to get a sure diagnosis.