Hi everyone
I was wondering if other here have the same problem. I believe too easily, fall into every trap set up against me by other people, uncover secrets that I would rather keep private. The worst thing of all, on lots of occasions, when someone asked me some tricky questions to check if I had done something wrong, I would get 'caught' even if I had not done it.
There is no cure to that, is it?

[MickeyCheeky]

Have you tried with a therapist, maybe? One of them could help you to change this personality trait, if you think it's a problem for you.

[Thunder Bow]

This may seem simplistic, but just say NO.

Hi. Thanks for your answers. I have been going to a therapist for five years. Long story short, it is simplistic to say no. I do that very often, which is not giving me a good reputation, but I get cheated and manipulated at other times.

You stay alert to the point of it affecting your life, but there are slips which are causing very serious problems afterwards.

[Shazerac]

Originally Posted by r2d45

Hi. Thanks for your answers. I have been going to a therapist for five years. Long story short, it is simplistic to say no. I do that very often, which is not giving me a good reputation, but I get cheated and manipulated at other times.

You stay alert to the point of it affecting your life, but there are slips which are causing very serious problems afterwards.

Just a thought but what is wrong with the simplicity of saying no? When people try to manipulate me my question to them is "what part of NO did you not understand?"

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by r2d45

I believe too easily, fall into every trap...uncover secrets...get 'caught' even if I had not done it.
There is no cure to that, is it?

Not really, but some things have already been mentioned that can help reduce that kind of trouble. One of the first things I try to do is to know or to discover why someone is asking a question. So, sometimes I ask "Why do you ask?" before offering any kind of answer. Phone solicitors and/or debt collectors used to be troublesome for me, as another example, but now I just say "I do not answer questions on the phone" and stop talking. Sometimes someone will next ask why I do not answer questions on the phone, and I only just offer the same statement: "I do not answer even that question on the phone." It is not that I have become suspicious of everyone, but 1) there actually are some security issues there and 2) I have learned I can usually trust people who are willing for questions and answers to be an even exchange. Anyone who pressures me is likely trying to get something from me or at my expense, so I no longer "spurt things out" under pressure.

@both
The problem is I easily get in a flow - in the negative meaning. I temporarily get into a different state, so to speak. It is like an addict's loss of control. Reasoning is different then, and in its way, consistent. It has happened hundreds of times. I can't control it in way too many situations. It makes me feel stupid because it feels like a mental block - not understanding where a conversation is going or not spotting obvious allusions.
At other times, it feels more precisely as fear of confrontation, because I end up either very sad or very angry, which - once noticed - becomes the worst case scenario.

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by r2d45

@both
The problem is I easily get in a flow - in the negative meaning...

Something like getting on the wrong bus after school and there is no turning back since yours has already left and yet the one you are on will not get you home?

Yes, that is a relevant comparison. I have tried jumping out of the bus - and some of the jumps were very spectacular, but sometimes you may simply choose not to rock the boat just that time. At other times, it is simply too late, because the wrong bus has already reached its destination.

[leejosepho]

Hopefully someone here will have some experience and suggestions to share that might be helpful to you. The last time I can recall when I had this type of trouble or challenge was in a long-past employment situation where I knew I would likely get "chewed up and spit out", and I eventually did, but I had wanted to go anyway and I actually lasted for a couple of years before having to bail out before the mental-emotional stress could cause a full-blown heart attack. I know that is not exactly what you are asking about, but the best I can share is that I have some wide boundaries I have established for self-protection over the years in situations where no one else is watching out for me.

Thanks for sharing. With time, it does get better, but only absolutely. Relatively, it is like moving back compared to quite a few con artists who appear to occupy every piece of land.