[okthen84]

A few years ago I started hanging out with a new group of friends. I had just broken up with a long term BF and I was simply looking for companionship. One of the guys in the group (we'll call him John) immediately began flirting with me and telling the others in the group that he was attracted to me. Long story short we had a fling that lasted the span of a month or 2. During that time we only ever communicated when we were out with the group of friends. There was basically no contact outside of seeing each other face to face while everyone was at the bar/hanging out. The first time we were intimate, he was extremely rude and controlling, basically was putting me down in the middle of the act (critiquing me, making horrible faces, saying things like "now would be a good time to do _____" in a sarcastic tone, etc). We ended up sleeping with each other 2 more times...each time was worse. After I stopped sleeping with him, I continued to hang out with this said group of friends. He became outwardly rude to me and would tell me things like "you're crazy", "no one likes you or wants you here, why don't you just leave", and he even barked at me like a dog once. I had a childhood friend who cussed him out one time, and when I went to apologize he told it was "my fault" the whole thing happened. I eventually found out he had been saying terrible things about me, my body, you name it to the others in the group and told them to stop inviting me to hang out. I could just be sitting on the couch drunk minding my business and he would come up and say "your personality sucks, no one likes you". I attempted to comfort one of the "friends" when she was upset one night, and he pushed me away saying "leave us alone, this is my friend". Others in the group would intervene, but they still would hang out with this person. It wasn't just me he was terrible too. He had a habit of talking crap behind everyone's back not just mine. I couldn't understand why these people would tolerate such nonsense (and we were in our late 20's, not teenagers).

I'm just curious as to what would make a person act this way? I'm sure there is some sort of personality disorder going on here. They would all say "oh he's just an asshole", but this behavior went far beyond that for me. It's like he enjoyed hurting me and making me feel like I was losing my mind. All of his comments were unprovoked too. I wouldn't even be speaking to him and he would go off. Thank goodness I came to my senses and stopped hanging out with them because it was making me feel crazy. My oldest friends who met the group despised them and could tell something about their dynamic was way off.

Let me be clear, I am in a much better place emotionally now so it's weird to look back and think that I put up with this for so long. I know there is nothing wrong with me...I'm just curious on others thoughts about "John".

[Skeezyks]

Hello okthen84: I'm afraid I would not be able to tell you what was going on with the person you describe. However I noticed this was your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

Well for one I'm glad you chose to ditch him that was the right thing to do especially for your health and personal safety. Hmm it looks like he might indeed have some sort of "issue" that makes him behave that way. I don't know what that would be exactly (I suggest if you really want to know do some more research on that). However a lot of bullies were bullied themselves or had very unfortunate and sad things happen to him. Acting that way may be his way to "release" all his emotions swirling inside. Its a shame though he didn't think of other ways to let it out, because what he has done is definitely not acceptable. I hope and I'm sure you're living a better life now with him gone. Best wishes too you.

I noticed also that you are new here - so welcome to our group! I hope that I was of some help to you and that you find more help from all of the other caring members here at Psych Central.

[avlady]

Welcome and congradulations for getting away from this person!!!

[5435lonely]

Originally Posted by okthen84

A few years ago I started hanging out with a new group of friends. I had just broken up with a long term BF and I was simply looking for companionship. One of the guys in the group (we'll call him John) immediately began flirting with me and telling the others in the group that he was attracted to me. Long story short we had a fling that lasted the span of a month or 2. During that time we only ever communicated when we were out with the group of friends. There was basically no contact outside of seeing each other face to face while everyone was at the bar/hanging out. The first time we were intimate, he was extremely rude and controlling, basically was putting me down in the middle of the act (critiquing me, making horrible faces, saying things like "now would be a good time to do _____" in a sarcastic tone, etc). We ended up sleeping with each other 2 more times...each time was worse. After I stopped sleeping with him, I continued to hang out with this said group of friends. He became outwardly rude to me and would tell me things like "you're crazy", "no one likes you or wants you here, why don't you just leave", and he even barked at me like a dog once. I had a childhood friend who cussed him out one time, and when I went to apologize he told it was "my fault" the whole thing happened. I eventually found out he had been saying terrible things about me, my body, you name it to the others in the group and told them to stop inviting me to hang out. I could just be sitting on the couch drunk minding my business and he would come up and say "your personality sucks, no one likes you". I attempted to comfort one of the "friends" when she was upset one night, and he pushed me away saying "leave us alone, this is my friend". Others in the group would intervene, but they still would hang out with this person. It wasn't just me he was terrible too. He had a habit of talking crap behind everyone's back not just mine. I couldn't understand why these people would tolerate such nonsense (and we were in our late 20's, not teenagers).

I'm just curious as to what would make a person act this way? I'm sure there is some sort of personality disorder going on here. They would all say "oh he's just an asshole", but this behavior went far beyond that for me. It's like he enjoyed hurting me and making me feel like I was losing my mind. All of his comments were unprovoked too. I wouldn't even be speaking to him and he would go off. Thank goodness I came to my senses and stopped hanging out with them because it was making me feel crazy. My oldest friends who met the group despised them and could tell something about their dynamic was way off.

Let me be clear, I am in a much better place emotionally now so it's weird to look back and think that I put up with this for so long. I know there is nothing wrong with me...I'm just curious on others thoughts about "John".

He sounds like my most recent ex !