[rdgrad15]

Just curious, since we all go through rejection and even being befriended out of obligation or pity, which would you prefer? I know they are both very unpleasant and everyone would prefer to have neither, but if you had to pick one, which would you prefer to deal with? I would pick rejection because, although yes it feels terrible and it makes you feel dumb, unwanted, and depending on the situation, may even make you look bad, I feel like in a sense, people who reject you are being more honest than those who befriend you out of pity or obligation. When someone rejects you, they are basically saying they don't want anything to do with you or don't want you around them, at least not at that particular moment.

On the other hand, being befriended out of obligation or pity is a sign of deceitfulness since the person, whether they realize it or not, is playing with your emotions. While the person who was befriended thinks a great friendship is going on between the two, the person who did the befriending out of obligation or pity is secretly wishing they could be with other people they like better and secretly want to get away. I have dealt with this before and I hate being befriended out of pity or obligation. That is why I would take rejection over being befriended out of obligation or pity. At least those who reject you are basically being honest about how they feel, even though it is a horrible feeling. What do you guys think? Just curious.

[Sunflower123]

Well, of course, I would prefer neither would happen but I'm like you. I'd rather be rejected out right instead of having a friend out of obligation or pity.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Well, of course, I would prefer neither would happen but I'm like you. I'd rather be rejected out right instead of having a friend out of obligation or pity.

Same with me. And yes, of course I would definitely want neither one, no one wants to be rejected or befriended out of pity, but yeah I agree, being rejected outright is better than being befriended out of obligation, pity, or even boredom.

To be honest, nowadays all my friends I have contact with out of obligation. I'd prefer being rejected so I don't even have to do that.
(I wasn't like this before I was depressed)

All humans are deceitful, therefore, I would take being befriended out of obligation because it is easier to predict and understand.

If somebody wanted something from me, such as money, social contacts, knowledge, or anything else, at least I am assured that as long as I continue to provide them with what they want, they wouldn't reject me. Knowing this gives me a degree of power and influence over the other person because I know that they need me. They need what I can provide and it would be in their best interest to continue to please me in return as long as I can provide. Also knowing that they're in my life to fulfill a specific purpose helps me prepare myself mentally for the time that I eventually outlive my usefulness, that way, at least I can avoid being hurt by the rejection or betrayal.

Having a friend and relationship for any other reason is confusing and difficult for me since I have low emotional intelligence and a low capacity for empathy. I can't be assured that that person won't betray me and I have difficulties making people happy due to how difficult people in general are for me to understand, therefore, being a resource is easier for me to understand and deal with.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend

All humans are deceitful, therefore, I would take being befriended out of obligation because it is easier to predict and understand.

If somebody wanted something from me, such as money, social contacts, knowledge, or anything else, at least I am assured that as long as I continue to provide them with what they want, they wouldn't reject me. Knowing this gives me a degree of power and influence over the other person because I know that they need me. They need what I can provide and it would be in their best interest to continue to please me in return as long as I can provide. Also knowing that they're in my life to fulfill a specific purpose helps me prepare myself mentally for the time that I eventually outlive my usefulness, that way, at least I can avoid being hurt by the rejection or betrayal.

Having a friend and relationship for any other reason is confusing and difficult for me since I have low emotional intelligence and a low capacity for empathy. I can't be assured that that person won't betray me and I have difficulties making people happy due to how difficult people in general are for me to understand, therefore, being a resource is easier for me to understand and deal with.

I'm sorry you feel the need to let people use you. I hope you will be able to gain self confidence and have friends that care for you for who you are, not for what they can get out of you.

[Unrigged64072835]

I'd rather be rejected, even though it hurts. Having a friend out of obligation is not having a friend at all.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

I'd rather be rejected, even though it hurts. Having a friend out of obligation is not having a friend at all.

Exactly. It is not a genuine friendship.

[Krow]

Rejection for sure. Honestly, I find pity quite discomforting.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Krow

Rejection for sure. Honestly, I find pity quite discomforting.

Me too. It is condensending and makes you feel like you're someone's pet or small child. You know it isn't genuine. At least with rejection they are being honest even though that hurts too. Would rather be rejected than have someone feel forced to befriend me for any reason.

On the other hand, I'm still in high school and it really sucks when you have to partner for a project and no one wants to partner with you. Then it's helpful to have friends out of obligation. I always feel embarassed when no one wants to work with you and you have to ask and ask and ask around and everyone says "No" and eventually either: the teacher assigns you to a group that doesn't want you, you end up in a group with the people no one wants to work with because they are lazy and refuse to do anything (and I'm not lazy or one to cut corners, so I end up doing everything) or - if lucky - you end up in a group with other outcasts.

I would prefer to be alone than with someone who merely tolerates my presence out of obligation.

What if the shoe were on the other foot however? I am sure we have all found ourselves in the position of being friendly because it was the right thing to do. I many not be happy about it but I will do so.