Sometimes I wonder if I'm not very nice. I wish I could explain it further but most people won't go up to another and tell them what they think right to their face.

I wish there was a scale of one to ten that we got scored on by....someone? Something? So that we can try to improve and be better people.

This depression has me really messed up. I don't know what I'm like.

Life should be like a job, where you get a yearly review.

[BrokeTech]

I would not necessarily say "horrible." But I do tend to think we're all bad people. Like, I think human nature is bad, and that's why we have all these rules, laws, social norms, etc.

I think it's a matter of self-awareness and being willing to face yourself. I don't think most of us seriously need others to tell us how/what we are; I think most of us don't want to know. We all do get told from time to time, but most of us don't react well to it and eventually dismiss what is said because we don't want it to be true. So, there's no point in the yearly review, in my opinion.

I can sit here and tell you a bunch of negative adjectives about myself, things that are not socially acceptable, and the only reason I won't is it's stuff that's not socially acceptable, lol. It's not because I don't know those things and don't want them to be true, like I think it is for 99% of people in the world. Of course it'd be better if they weren't true, so I'm not saying I am fine with those adjectives applying to me. But, like you said, I think the only way to improve is to face what's wrong with you. And, frankly, some of those things I don't always try/want to improve because I feel justified in being those ways.

[Raindropvampire]

Only all the time. That thought plays like a broken record in my head. Sorry you go through this too.

Originally Posted by sophiesmom

Sometimes I wonder if I'm not very nice. I wish I could explain it further but most people won't go up to another and tell them what they think right to their face.

I wish there was a scale of one to ten that we got scored on by....someone? Something? So that we can try to improve and be better people.

This depression has me really messed up. I don't know what I'm like.

Life should be like a job, where you get a yearly review.

I tend to have these thoughts all the time when I am depressed. When I am not depressed--I feel like I am awesome in some ways but not so much in others. And surely, I am not everyone's "cup of tea". Sort of like the saying, "different strokes for different folks...."

As far as human nature being bad--I think most of us tend to be happier when we resist our dark side. People can aim to live their lives in a generous and kind way--it seems like being that way is easier for some people than others but everyone makes mistakes. It is also easier to stay on the high road when our basic needs are met (food, shelter) and we live and work with others trying to do the right thing. Broketech is right--we can develop "blind spots" about some things if we are not self reflective and open to criticism. Develop to many of them and people might not enjoy being around you! Always treat others as you would want to be treated.....

[MickeyCheeky]

Depression tells a lot of lies..

[Unrigged64072835]

When I ponder upon it, there were times I would say yes. But, I don't let my past behavior change my present that much. Talking to a therapist helped me a lot.

I somehow didn't expect answers. I tend to not think like people I know so I didn't think anyone would understand this.

I have been depressed for 7ish years now, so have I been "brainwashed"....? I know how I come across here, and it's not generous or kind.

I kind of have it fixed in my head that I'm a useless, unworthy, POS. I am having trouble finding anything that gives me another perspective.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by sophiesmom

I somehow didn't expect answers. I tend to not think like people I know so I didn't think anyone would understand this.

I have been depressed for 7ish years now, so have I been "brainwashed"....? I know how I come across here, and it's not generous or kind.

I kind of have it fixed in my head that I'm a useless, unworthy, POS. I am having trouble finding anything that gives me another perspective.

I think everybody has good and bad points. My definition of horrible is someone like Ted Bundy. Like Mickey said, depression tells lies and it's easy to believe them while in that weakened state.

I don't believe you are useless. Just one sentence of your advice totally turned the way I was handling my daughter going off to college. I was having severe depression and bad panic attacks and I was really losing it. You said remember this is about her. Totally changed the way I was acting. It helped tremendously.

I posted on another of your threads. I hope you can find some relief and feel better soon.

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I think everybody has good and bad points. My definition of horrible is someone like Ted Bundy. Like Mickey said, depression tells lies and it's easy to believe them while in that weakened state.

I don't believe you are useless. Just one sentence of your advice totally turned the way I was handling my daughter going off to college. I was having severe depression and bad panic attacks and I was really losing it. You said remember this is about her. Totally changed the way I was acting. It helped tremendously.

I posted on another of your threads. I hope you can find some relief and feel better soon.

Thank you, Jennifer, for you incredibly kind words. I had no idea that I said anything useful.

Your words brought tears to my eyes. Thank you. Thank you.

[Frankbtl]

Hi sophiesmom

Well you probably already know that I'm going to try to dispute some of those thoughts because as you already know, I'd say !!!!

But...........I'd say Mickey and Jennifer are spot on!!!!
Depression can tell you and make you believe the most untrue, hurtful things about yourself
And I know sometimes it can be so hard to tell yourself otherwise.........but if you can at least try to remind yourself that it is the depression..........and if you can't stop yourself feeling those things then maybe at least tell yourself that "Yes, I feel........but that doesn't need to make it true".........don't forget that feel factor.........because just because you feel something, and those feelings may be very real........that doesn't actually make it real/true
And with depression, maybe (obviously!!) there are things that you can't do/say which you'd like to........but that's down to the depression.......not down to you........and that doesn't make you any the less worthy.........any the less important.........matter any the less.........as you know there are plenty of us on here who really value you..........who see past the depression..........who see through the depression to you

As for a ratings system........my rating is:

!!!



Alison

[Thunder Bow]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

Depression tells a lot of lies..

Agree Agree

[lotusblossom19]

When the depression really takes over and I'm all alone with my thoughts, I do tend to wonder if I am somehow deserving of the misery it has brought me and I do not feel worthy of relief from it. I can tell you for sure you're not a horrible person, though. I've seen you be nothing but nice to members here. I am sorry you experience these feelings.

[avlady]

yes depression is full of lies. they whisper in your head and ears, how bad of a person you are even though you actually are not bad. Keep seeing a doc if you need one and a t too. good luck!!

[pachyderm]

Sometimes people in your real life tell you that you are a horrible person. In my case, my mother, and my therapist. Those ideas do not come out of nowhere.

[Open Eyes]

Human nature in general is very flawed. There is a constant flow of if you are not X then you are flawed. X could be anything at all where human beings will practice bad behaviors thinking it's ok as they are merely defending the X they have been convinced to follow.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

Sometimes people in your real life tell you that you are a horrible person. In my case, my mother, and my therapist. Those ideas do not come out of nowhere.

I have definitely found this also. They - maternal unit, paternal unit, step maternal unit, therapist unit.. fed me the lie about a horrible person

[pachyderm]

I always have to grin when I hear about the "parental unit"...

[Skeezyks]

The Skeezyks IS a horrible person, by anyone's standards. I didn't set to be. It just sort-of happened. Too late to do anything about any of it now. It all just is what it is... or perhaps was what it was...

[Travelinglady]

I think back over some of the things I've done and sometimes think I was a horrible person. I'm far from perfect now, but I don't consider myself horrible, until I get depressed and that thought might come out.

I think "parental unit" is sort of funny, too. Was that from the Coneheads? My younger son sent us a letter from camp one time addressing us as "Dear parental units." I think Fuzzy means it as saying her parents and other relatives were not "mom," "dad," and other names suggesting a good, loving relationships as far as she is concerned. And I'm sure she's right.

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

The Skeezyks IS a horrible person, by anyone's standards. I didn't set to be. It just sort-of happened. Too late to do anything about any of it now. It all just is what it is... or perhaps was what it was...

If you (of all people!) are horrible, then....I am too, I guess...

[motogypsy]

I know what you mean. I've wondered the same thing often. Sometimes because I hear my own negativity and sometimes for reasons I can't understand myself.

Unless you do really awful things, I'd say you're probably not a horrible person.

I just had an event (mentioned in the relationships forum) that has left me really quite disturbed. It occurs to me that the people present may have thought just that - I was a horrible person. But, sometimes we have to take the chance of going against the flow to do what is right. Sometimes we have to say, 'The heck with what they think of me."

[TishaBuv]

Here's my take on it:

Humans do what they need to do to survive and thrive. We are nice because it gets us what we need. We are not nice, too, because we want to be sometimes. We are good and bad. We can love, we can hate. It's all part of being human.