I have anxiety and social anxiety. I have had strangers that I've interacted with, or people im just meeting say this to me sometimes: "you look scared." I always find it rude, and I always want to say so. I want to say "that's rude.". it makes me feel even more uncomfortable when they point it out to me. But I don't say "thats rude" because then I worry about being rude myself. I've said before: "I'm not trying to.". But then they say "well you do.". Would it be rude of me to say back "that's rude." ? Or would it be assertive? What else can I say to these people (they've been mostly women)? I want to be able to give a self empowered response. Note: I'm really uninterested in responses here that will tell me to be rude or snarky to them. I find this unrealistic for me and I'm not interested in being aggressive or hurtful towards people, as much as I may want to. I'm just wondering, if there's anything I can say to these people. Or if saying "that's rude," is ok or not. Thanks.

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you're having this experience with people. While I don't have a good response (I hope others have excellent ideas), I really encourage you not to say that's rude even though it clearly is. If you're trying to build bridges, that might not be the thing to say. Some kind of deflection or wry humor might be better. JMHO.

[pegasus]

I would just say that this is your usual look or that you were just thinking or something like that. I dont think it's nice of anyone to point out how scared we might be. Just make light of it and change the conversation. Some people say I look sad, I just tell them, that's me! People need to accept you for who you are. It depends how comfortable you are with the person in what you want to respond with. Either way I would move the conversation on to something else.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by starrysky

I have anxiety and social anxiety. I have had strangers that I've interacted with, or people im just meeting say this to me sometimes: "you look scared." I always find it rude...

Sometimes they are interested and sometimes they are scared by it. It could be either; you have to try to judge.

Thank you everyone for the replies. As annoying and frustrating as it is, it doesn't happen all the time, and when it does, I realize they are not trying to be hurtful. I think thats what rudeness is. Ignorance. So, being compassionate towards them is actually my second reaction. While it is hard for me to get into someone else's head about why they'd say something like that (because I'D never say that to someone), it is good to know they aren't trying to be hurtful. Though, it is annoying they say it, but don't express concern. I will try to make a joke if I'm up to it (I'm usually not). If not, I will probably say "well thats me." I like that Pegasus. Or deflect. Like, if in the grocery line, my response could be "I'm just trying to pay for my items." That, in and of itself is a way to say "get away from me." And then just let it drop. I could also just not say anything. I do have a bias though, also, that the types of people who say stuff like this, I don't really care for anyway in general, and that kind of comment is a good compass for who to be around and who not to. But I will try not to make it into a big deal and just get on with my day. <3

[Thunder Bow]

Take control, and ask them why they think you look scared. It is all about having control.

[Fuzzybear]

People have often told me how "nervous" I look. I agree, it isn't kind, or it certainly doesn't feel kind . Some people have said something similar but in a meaner way .

I think all the replies in this thread are helpful.

I haven't said anything when people have said this to me . (About how I'm "nervous", "very shy" etc etc. (I already know these things )Thanks for starting this thread

[Shazerac]

Sorry to be silly about this but I recently heard about RBF whichs means resting ***** face. I've been accused of being annoyed when I'm happy as a clam. Maybe you have resting scared face �� Whoever asked you this may have been genuinely concerned, or just nosy. It's similar to people telling you to smile. Just ignore them or laugh it off. Or maybe swat them over the head with your pocket book. I better stop because I don't think I'm helping.

Originally Posted by Shazerac

Sorry to be silly about this but I recently heard about RBF whichs means resting ***** face. I've been accused of being annoyed when I'm happy as a clam. Maybe you have resting scared face �� Whoever asked you this may have been genuinely concerned, or just nosy. It's similar to people telling you to smile. Just ignore them or laugh it off. Or maybe swat them over the head with your pocket book. I better stop because I don't think I'm helping.

You did make me laugh though. I cannot stand when people tell me to "smile." That doesn't happen much anymore. Not sure if its because its kind of known to be an inappropriate comment now, or what. Swatting someone with my purse / bag sounds great. LOL.

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

People have often told me how "nervous" I look. I agree, it isn't kind, or it certainly doesn't feel kind . Some people have said something similar but in a meaner way .

I think all the replies in this thread are helpful.

I haven't said anything when people have said this to me . (About how I'm "nervous", "very shy" etc etc. (I already know these things )Thanks for starting this thread

I am sorry you have had similar experiences FuzzyBear! It sure is uncomfortable. I think silence is a great response.

[Medusax]

I am always told I look mad.