[HuggyBear]

I have a friend who has serious problems of self-esteem. She procrastinates and think that she can't do even simple things she actually can do.

She is negative and needs help.

She is also self-boycotting.

She refuses help and finds thousands of excuses to reject help and pretend that no help works for her.

My question is: is it better for my own psychological well-being if I avoid talking to her?

I think that her negativity may only damage me and I know that I can't help her in any way because I'm no psychologist and also because she refuses help.

She is one of those people who wants to suffer and wants everyone around them to suffer as well.

In other words: is it best for my own psychological well-being to avoid spending time with negative people like my friend?

Is it better, instead, to stay with people who care about their psychological well-being?

Originally Posted by HuggyBear

I have a friend who has serious problems of self-esteem. She procrastinates and think that she can't do even simple things she actually can do.

She is negative and needs help.

She is also self-boycotting.

She refuses help and finds thousands of excuses to reject help and pretend that no help works for her.

My question is: is it better for my own psychological well-being if I avoid talking to her?

I think that her negativity may only damage me and I know that I can't help her in any way because I'm no psychologist and also because she refuses help.

She is one of those people who wants to suffer and wants everyone around them to suffer as well.

In other words: is it best for my own psychological well-being to avoid spending time with negative people like my friend?

Is it better, instead, to stay with people who care about their psychological well-being?

I would say yes, in general it is best to steer clear of severely negative people and to surround yourself with people who care about their own well-being. If a friend refuses help and wants to swim in her own negative world, there's nothing you can do. You can lead a horse to the water, but you can't make them drink!

IF this person is in fact bringing you down, weighing you down and effecting your own well-being, then yes, I would ease away from her. You don't need to tell her directly, but you can slowly start to respond less. And if she asks you about it, you can just be honest and tell her that she refuses help and that you have done everything you can but that it's too frustrating to be friends with her and it's impacting you negatively.

The most important thing here is to look after and take care of yourself and your own well-being. A friendship that infects your well-being is a toxic one.. . like drinking poison.

Wishing you well, and best of luck with it! HUGS!

[Sunflower123]

Hello. Welcome to PC. For your own mental wellbeing, I hope you'll distance yourself from her.

[Thunder Bow]

You can not Rescue her. Best to take care of yourself in this case.

[ravencrow]

i always say put yourself in her shoes 'literally' imagine your her? be her friend listen to her
most people don't Really listen, be a friend, just have time out or away from her now and then when it becomes too much for you, remember she is in pain and may not see the grass is greener in her current outlook. be a friend stick by her tell her you need time out from her for a few days or wks, be honest with her it helps

When I was a manager I had a style of leadership when it came to encouraging and directing those with reluctance; whether it be to help themselves or perform at work. I have realised that my boyfriend does the same when it comes to encouraging me.

I would give the individual options. When it came to tasks they would be given a choice of do A or B. Doing neither wasn't an option.

My boyfriend once did the same with me. "Let's do ________ or we can do __________." Not doing either is simply not a choice. It doesn't have to be asked in a way that is an ultimatum. It can be done in a manner that appears encouraging. "Hey wouldn't it be great to get out..... A or B sounds good."

Obviously there is no guarantee this type of prodding won't backfire. As others have mentioned there comes a time when you simply can't put yourself out any longer - especially when your own mental health is being jeopardized. it may come down to asking yourself if standing by this individual is a disadvantage to you. Protecting your own peace of mind in no way is an admission of failure or being unkind.

[HuggyBear]

Thank you very much for your answers.

It looks like it's good at least to take a break from negative people.

Sometimes it can be even best to drop the relationship altogether if we feel that it's damaging too much.