[Rincad]

My therapist and psychiatrist won't listen to me. First off, when I went to a psychiatrist ,since I was discharged form a outpatient program, and she didn't believe that I was psychotic because I was too "logical". But the thing is she didn't even listen to me or my mom, so I think she has no right to say that. She just think I hear voices.

But I'm really paranoid, and have delusions of control, thought broadcasting and insertion, grandiose( where I believe and know it's true that I have magical powers not because I think I'm better than anyone). My thoughts are really cloudy a don't make sense. I have tactile, visual, and auditory hallucinations. She didn't even ask me what I was experiencing. So she doesn't know that the voices I hear tell me to kill my family and myself. That they warn me that the enemy is coming. And they they call me names(cuss words). And that one narrates what I am doing. They'll argue amongst themselves.

I feel that if I tell she'll down grade me and my voices. She thinks I might have a personality disorder, but I'm only 14. My therapist is in a similar boat as her. She thinks that I'm depressed. She believes me when I tell her I hear voices, but she minimizes it. I've been depressed before and diagnosed with major depression in my first hospitalization, then psychotic depression in the outpatient clinic , then in my second inpatient stay I was diagnosed with mood disorder nos and psychotic disorder nos. So I know the symptoms of my depression. I didn't get bad until I tried Prozac, which was prescribed to me by a counselor at a clinc( before it was moderate.) where it became so severe I needed hospitalization.

There I was given Lexapro which has cleared the depression and I haven't been depressed since. She, my therapist, thinks my voices are a coping skill for loneliness. But it started when I was 9 or 7 my whole psychosis. My loneliness was only really during my six grade school year, and then really got worse in late 7th grade when my depression set in.( mostly because I got bullied and had just moved there, so I lost all my friends from elementary school. Also I'm a introvert so I was comfortable before, it really was because of the bullying.

Even though no one believes me.) so really I was depressed for only a year and haven't been since. She didn't even ask me for symptoms of depression she asked my mom. But my mom doesn't know all about me. I don't and didn't feel hopeless, worthless, guilty, or any symptom of depression. They are assuming I have depression because I have a expressionless face and my self care is going down the drain.I feel they aren't listening to me. Schizophrenia was suggested in my second hospitalization.

But my parents don't think I'm psychotic or schizophrenic. The doctor inpatient thought I might be bipolar, but I don't have prolonged mood swings that meet the criteria and I have never had hypomania nor mania or anything resembling it. And also he though it could be that antidepressant that causing the psychosis. But I had the psychosis much longer than that and before any antidepressants.

I feel no one truly listens to me. I'm in constant delusions and hallucinations and constantly losing my sense of reality and insight. Sometimes I want to do what the voices tell me to do, like hiding, running away, overdose and slit my wrists, choke my family to death. It's all because the voices and I feel I'm losing control to one of them , the most violent and the one that inserts thoughts and tries controlling me.

I don't know what to do. I feel I'm getting more and more lost. What should I do? Should I go back to the hospital, since I'm becoming more and more of a danger, and ideation of homicide and suicide? I'm going to see neurologist in September that could rule out any medical problems. Should I see a new therapist and psychiatrist or try convincing them? Please help me!

[Travelinglady]

Hi, dear one. I'm no therapist, but I'd think you would know if you were having hallucinations. If you are suicidal, then I think you need to go back to the hospital.

[Sunflower123]

I agree. I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. It sounds like some of your doctors are dropping the ball in a big way. I hope you can go back to the hospital and get some help and relief. Sending big hugs.