[1bookfish]

Hi there! There's something I've been thinking about a lot lately, and I don't really know how to approach it, or even what it could be, and I was hoping someone here could help!

You see, it has to do with the way I think. By that, I don't really mean patterns in my thinking, or thought processes, or at least I don't think so. I mean literally how the thoughts play out in my head, in the very specific sense.

A lot of the time, when I'm thinking, or even reading, my brain will go off on a nonsensical tangent. It's as though my brain literally plays like a broken record sometimes, repeating certain words or even whole thoughts or phrases over and over again until it feels "just right," or throwing in random filler words, often over and over again until it feels "just right," as well. As you can imagine, it can get really distracting, especially with reading! It's one reason I'm such a slow reader, frankly.

I don't remember how long this has been going on for, in all honesty. After I graduated high school, it feels like I've been living a completely separate life, and like I'm a completely different person, from who I was before. As a result, it's incredibly difficult to remember things with as much accuracy as I would need to have in order to figure out if my thoughts have been playing out this way for that long or not.

With my description above, you may come to a similar conclusion that I did, and wonder if OCD has anything to do with it. I've never been diagnosed with it, however, and I don't want to diagnose myself; I'd feel much more comfortable having a professional do it. I have had "nervous ticks" in the past, many of which I've outgrown, others I haven't so much, but they don't interfere with my day-to-day life too largely, partially because I've learned to work around it, or I've practiced enough to deal with it, for the most part. I wonder sometimes if the way my thoughts play out is partially caused by that?

This is an incredibly difficult phenomenon to describe, to say the least, and I only just recently figured out how to do so with a hint of accuracy. I sincerely hope that I don't come off as disrespectful in any way, especially in regards to the OCD community!

I hope you all have an absolutely lovely day <3

[Altec]

I often times draw circles in my head. When my brain is thinking, it's like there's wheel that is spinning and churning. It doesn't bother me, as I'm used to it, and doesn't cause any problems. I think also a lot of it is perception, you noticed that you're not the same person as you were in high school. Maybe you just grew out of that phase, and is onto another phase of life. I also had a bad OCD issue back when I wasn't on my meds(not intended to treat OCD). So I know that certain medications can help, even if your issue is not OCD, it is worth bringing up to a doctor.

Best Regards,

[TishaBuv]

Nervous ticks are a symptom of ADHD. A neurologist diagnosed my son with that and he was having nervous ticks, but he outgrew them by 2nd grade.

[Thunder Bow]

The words could be re-enforcing feelings you have.

[Loose Screw x 2]

It sounds like OCD to me. Doing things or thinking things until it feels right. The same thing happens to OCD sufferers who turn light switches on and off or open and close doors or wash their hands repeatedly, feeling like they can't stop until it feels right. Because of recent stress my thoughts have been acting up too like having to think certain thoughts as I close my bedroom door or avoid uncomfortable thoughts. If the thought isn't like it should be then, I feel compeled to do it over again. Basically what OCD does is feel you with irrational fears and steels your free will. You get hung up on stuff that seems more important than it really is or isn't important at all and then feel compelled to think or do things a certain way until it feels right almost as if you have to apease some diety, the OCD diety. It makes no sense and those of us who have it know full well that it makes no sense but, are still subject to the worrying, fears and other obsessions plus the compulsions to obey. OCD can be much, much worse than people realize and it has been known to destroy people's lives. I really think that you should see a doctor about this before it gets out of hand. Already it has you concerned. There are two popular books on OCD that you may want to read. They are "Stop Obsessing" and "The Boy who couldn't Stop Washing".

[Anxious me]

It does sound like ocd but I could be wrong, sounds like the similar symptoms of hearing an annoying song over and over in your head for no reason, I get that a lot..