How do you deal with disabled people in public?

I help them if they need it. Otherwise I try not to eyeball them too much.

Never push someone in a wheelchair without permission. Always ask. If someone just pushes my wheelchair, they are literally taking control. Imagine you're driving your car and suddenly someone hops in through the window and takes over the steering wheel, gas, and brakes.

Also, a lot of people recommend that when talking to someone in a wheelchairs you get down to eye height, e.g. by sitting down or crouching. I'm not sure if there are any people who actually like that last thing, but I don't at all. Crouching when you talk is something you do to a small child, not to an adult even if he's in a wheelchair. By all means sit down, or stand more relaxed instead of 'at attention' to make yourself that bit smaller and and tower less over them.
Also, realize that when you're standing in an aisle and I'm in my wheelchair in an aisle, we're both "standing". So if you're sitting down to ask me whether I need help picking the milk from the highest row, it feels forced.

A fun thing that happens sometimes at school is that when I use my wheelchair, people can be so helpful it only inconveniences them. Like we're sitting in the hallway during break, and I say 'shall I throw your wrapper in the bin, too?' They often insist on throwing both theirs and mine.
It's sort of hilarious, because they need to stand, walk to the bin, turn, walk back, sit. While I only need to turn my hoops twice and turn them back twice to ride back. :-) It's actually easier for me.

So 3 guidelines:
- Never push without permission
- Towering over someone can be a good thing to avoid, but a lot of adults with wheels feel it's denigrating to crouch to eye height
- Ask if you can help, don't take over
And: if you have an acquaintance in a wheelchair, just ask how, and in what way, they like to be helped.

By the way, about the crouching. If it feels natural in a situation, that's different. In November my teacher crouched to talk to me about my grandmother who died the night before. The crouching was natural then, because I was upset. He'd probably have crouched if I'd been sitting on a bench, too. If he'd ask me whether I found the homework difficult, or explained something I'm interested in but not on the curriculum, crouching would feel weird and unnatural. Get the difference?

Some people with disabilities like to use or avoid certain words. E.g. I often refer to 'my wheels' or to 'using wheels instead of legs for a few days'. You may copy me or you may not. Just do what sounds natural.

Asking is better than assuming. But there's a difference between asking a stranger on the street (don't, rude curiosity), asking the guy next to you in the bus after you've discussed the weather (can be acceptable as long as you don't intend to spend the rest of the trip interrogating me), asking a classmate you're acquainted with (sure, although take the time and place into account and don't make too big a deal out of it) or asking a classmate you sit next to often (acceptable, see previous line). (I'm assuming that with a friend, the subject has come up before - or hasn't for a reason) They don't owe you answers, don't demand them. Also, the events leading up to being in a wheelchair frequently contain bad memories: people might prefer to stick to "I was ill". Or go into way too much detail
Or they might not know the specifics of their condition; possibly because the doctors don't, either.

Don't be overprotective. First time I was out to the grocery store, a few months after my amputation, I was wearing shorts. Child came up: "Why do you have a silver leg?" I've never seen a mother look so horrified. ;-) I didn't mind, I just explained that my leg was very sick so I got a new one from the doctor.
Similarly, if someone makes a funny joke to me about my wheelchair, you don't need to tell them off unless you personally know me and know it bothers me. If I make a joke, you can 'up it'.

Just be natural!

In case you're wondering, I'm 20. Crutches at 12, chair at 13, amputation at 15. I use my wheelchair on average 3-4 times a year for 1-2 weeks I think, not counting when I just use it over the weekend or something.

Give them priority in queues, seating, etc.

I have a disabled sibling, growing up, I witnessed all too well, the sad way many are treated in public and in school... but it's also nice to find those hidden gems that keep your hope in humanity, for those of you who are kind, thank you

I don't treat them in any particular way. If they have to use a motorized wheelchair and I just have to stand in their way at the store to pick an item, I will do so and then give them space. I'd only help people, disabled or not, if they ask me or if they are in the middle of an accident, like if all their oranges suddenly fell out of a plastic bag i'd help pick up no matter who the owner was. I think it comes down to who you are used to see. When I was a kid, I had never seen a black or Asian person, never a blind person or a person in a wheel chair. Now I live in a place where there is such a mix of people that you wouldn't believe it. So if i was to stare at someone who was different in any way, I have to stare at more than half of the people. And they would have to stare at me as well because I'm a bit odd and look a bit odd as well.

The only think I try to really not do is keep too close to someone in a wheel chair because it hurts as hell if they accidentally drive your feet over!

The only time i breach protocol is if someone who is mentally challenged or mentally different in some other way will approach me. Then I will actually return their chit-chat. I should say, in this country chit-chat with strangers is basically a capital punishment, so if I do that, people will stare at me. I don't care. If they wanna talk, it is fine.

I have more problems with beggars. If I'm not going to give them anything where they are huddled up in blankets in the freezing cold, outside a store or similar, I just look far, far into the distant. They say Hello but I don't even reply. I know being treated like this over and over must feel awful, but if I don't plan to give I don't want to give them false hopes either.

If I make eye contact I smile and say hi. If I think they might need help with something )crossing the road, accessing a store or something) I ask if I can help. I make a point of treating them like a normal human being, especially if they a have a disability that makes them prone to staring or being avoided.

I don’t really treat disabled people different than other people. If I see someone who is disabled I just look at them, but not different from how I look at others.

I agree that it's ok to just notice, especially if someone's in a wheel chair, they don't want to be run into! Staring is a no-no UNLESS the person has something unusual to draw attention (not their disability).

Putting lights on my wheelchair at holiday time draws attention and it's fine for people to comment on that! JUST like you would other strangers, greet and comment.

IF I need help, I'll ask but it's great if you realize some things are just helpful (opening or holding a door if you aren't awkward in doing it). But there are some disabled who are angry people in general and won't want any help. That's on them, not you.

I think one of the best ways my friend who used to be compliance officer at a bank would teach was having the bank employees actually experience the disability! In class they would put some marbles in their shoes to depict diabetes feelings, and gloves on for those with limited dexterity, and have a wheel chair etc. You might try it and then you'll feel more comfortable around "us".

(PS I only need the wheel chair on long hauls like big shopping trips or theme parks). I use my service dog (don't greet, don't pet, don't ask to!) and or a cane for stability otherwise.

And another note: some people talk loud because they don't hear well and don't realize how loud they are talking.

Thanks for caring! That will shine through your encounters (((hug)))

And one thing.. anytime someone says "so will I see you at the Paralympics" or "You can run really fast with a prosthetic, I've seen it on TV.", I have this urge to ask:
"I notice you have two legs, when will I see you at the Olympics?"
"So how fast do YOU run the 100 m?"
Sometimes I give in and actually say that.

It really bugs me that people seem to think "You have one leg so you can run fast and participate in the Paralympics" while they don't say to a two-legged person "You have two legs so you can run fast and participate in the Olympics".

Why would a leg amputation suddenly make me good at or interested in participating in sports?

And just as not every non-disabled person follows the Olympics, not every disabled person follows the Paralympics.

I hear you. Same as assuming every tall person plays basketball.

Breadfish, thanks for the personal perspective on the topic.

Would like to share something I learned years ago - it diminishes someone to call them a "disabled person". They are a "person with a disability". The first emphasizes the disability. The second emphasizes the human being who happens to have a disability.

To answer the OP. I do my level best to treat everyone the same - with courtesy and respect, period. I confess I will offer to assist someone who looks like they might need help. I don't just jump in and do it for them. I ask if they'd like help. Not referring specifically to a person with a disability. I'm on the tall side. If I see someone struggling to reach something on a top shelf I ask if they'd like help.

As for the lady who was insulted at the offer of help. I'm an "older" person. If someone younger and stronger offers to help with something heavy I'll gladly accept the help!

i have to second Liz on this; i don't care for that label "disabled". my car sat for 6 yrs in the yard and became 'disabled'. i'm challenged: hypoxic, drag a tank of oxygen, have limited mobility, am obese, brain damaged, very short and i still am ABLE to do most things for myself, (if they don't take too long, reach too high, require running or math) ....

everyone i know has 'challenges'. don't think that just because some doctor hasn't fitted you with an obvious aid, or you don't behave in a way that it's obvious you aren't nearly average, that you aren't limited in some (often many) ways. so treat others as you would want to be treated. and if someone doesn't treat you well, consider it one of their limitations.



this tree is over 4500 yrs old, and so very limited....

I prefer disabled to differently abled or handicapable. those feel so denigrating.

I can see the case for and against the word "disabled." When you have a feature of a computer program disabled, that means it doesn't work. It's turned off. For purposes of that program, it might as well not exist. And that doesn't describe a human being who simply needs accommodations and/or assistance. I like the "people first" language, for the reasons lizardlady states. I, for one, am a person with several disabilities. Challenges, impairments, barriers, whatever you want to call them. But that doesn't mean, and oh boy howdy have I gone off about it, that I'm useless and can't make contributions to society.

On the other hand, they often use the prefixes dys- and a-. Dysphasia and aphasia, dyslexia and alexia. (Although if you write the last one with a capital, it can also refer to a Princess)

A quote I found:
The English affix dys- signifies a partially lacking ability whereas the a- is a complete absence of that ability.

Dys- and a- are like dis- and un- here. I am disabled, not unable(d).
Disorder, not unordered.
Disaffect, not unaffect
Disclosured, not uncoloured

Just remembered one of those what-not-to-do's. If a person uses a word to describe a part of themselves, don't tell them off for it unless it's an inappropriate word. But my English teacher told me she felt "Stump" was an awful word and she'd really prefer if I didn't use it.
Seriously? What the heck is wrong with that woman? She's also asked to pet my wheelchair, and that was after I told her I prefer she not touch me (she was using my shoulder as a handrest). She said she was sorry but was just a touch-y person (none of our class ever noticed that because she never touched anyone) and then moved her hand to my armgrip and asked to pet my wheelchair. :| But I imagine you all have enough sense not to do that, so this is a funny/disturbing anecdote only.

The naming part, though. If you don't like the word 'Stump' you don't have to use it, just call it something else. And if we're friends or partners and spending lots of time together, we can discuss it. And after the discussion maybe you'd be more comfortable with the word, or we might call it something else, or both.
But no teacher has the right to tell me I use an awful word and should use something different when I am using a normal, non-offensive word to refer to a body part that's not genital. 'Stump' is not a dirty word or a curse word (Although an occasional curse-at word..).

Having to use a walker most of the time and sometimes I can get by with my cane. My opinion is most people are A**holes. You are a hindrance to them, you slow them down or they run into you because the noses are in their phones. Rant over.

I really like that discoloured-uncoloured I threw in above. Because they have colour! They have faded some, or changed because of exposure to dirt, or age, or a faulty computer setting. Doesn't mean it's bad or less; just means it sticks out in a crowd of "coloured" thingies.

/Dis/ to me means mostly /with a twist/. I have a disability, I am disabled: that means I don't have an ability you have, and also have an ability you don't have. So I'm not /unable/.
Dystonia: my muscle tone has a twist. I bet I can slap you really hard. I can also play the piano on elbow- and shoulder movements alone. And if you ever broke hand, come find me and I'll teach you how to tie your shoe-laces one-handed. Atonia: no muscle tone at all.