[Mountaindewed]

For example, what is the proper way to deal with someone with Down syndrome or someone in a wheel chair?

I always get really awkward, and I don’t know what to do.

I feel like If you look at them, you are being rude and staring, but if you don’t look at them, you are ignoring them and pretending they don’t exist.
I feel like it’s a lose, lose situation.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

[Thunder Bow]

Just treat them like anyone else. Just look at them like you would anyone else.

[Deejay14]

Just look at them and say hi. Just like you would any one else. It's just that simple.

[Jester's Rags]

People are people. People who are disabled realize they have a disability (my guess is they have seen the stares before). There's no need to go out of your way to interact OR avoid.
You're in the way of someone who is using a wheelchair; they say 'excuse me'.
You're in the way of someone who doesn't have a visible disability; they say 'excuse me'. Same situation, same response.

[Hairball]

Bozdickens do u feel the same way around obese and little/tall people? Just curious!

[Cyclops5]

You just have to treat them like anyone else. They might act different but they are the same as you are.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by Hairball

Bozdickens do u feel the same way around obese and little/tall people? Just curious!

Little tall people yes. Obese people it depends.

I’m really not against them or have any issues with them. I just don’t want to come off as being a jerk when I’m not intending to.

I don't feel the urge to stare at people or to look away. They are just people. If it was an older person or someone needing assistance I would give up my seat or hold open a door, etc. If it's something you need to work on try making eye contact, giving a friendly smile and then carrying on.

[WhatsNextNow]

One of my sisters lost a leg when she was a young child. I learned very quickly the difference between someone just noticing that she was missing a leg, and someone who hadn't been taught not to stare. She had no problems with kids who were genuinely curious. Like the previous poster said, make eye contact and a little upturn of the mouth and you will get more used to seeing that people really are just people.

[LiteraryLark]

I am one of Madeline Stuart's "cheerleaders". She is amazing, beautiful, and the first professional model with Down Syndrome. She is gorgeous and I enjoy seeing all of the adventures she goes on. Look her up on Facebook she is just so amazing.

There's a special place in my heart for people with special needs and as an employee, I treat them with the utmost dignity and respect.

Here is the beautiful Madeline Stuart.

[mattdadd]

I watched a very good TED Talk by an amputee which may help with this. I can't send links because I haven't made enough posts yet but if you google "Aimee Mullins: My 12 Pairs of Legs" it should show up.

[katydid777]

I treat people with disability the same way I treat everyone, like I hope people treat me(I am disabled) but besides my MI, I have several internal medical issues, and sometimes I need there help, to just get to my car!!!!!!!

[mattdadd]

I've made enough posts to share links now. Here's the video: https://www.ted.com/talks/aimee_mull...tic_aesthetics
Even just watching until 2:20 could help with your question.

Are you talking about people you see in passing or people you interact with on a regular basis? I don't understand why you feel the need to treat them any differently than you would someone without a disability. I think it's rude to stare at anyone (strangers do this to me and it makes me sooo uncomfortable). Acknowledge and speak to them when it's relevant and appropriate ...just as you would with a "typical" stranger.

Originally Posted by katydid777

, and sometimes I need there help, to just get to my car!!!!!!!

I also wanted to add (for OP and anyone else) that it's best to ask people if they need help beforehand. I participated in a research panel last week and there was a woman with spina bifida who said complete strangers will randomly try to push her chair without asking, even though she is perfectly capable of doing this herself.

There is no harm in making eye contact. Merely acknowledge the individual as you would anyone else.

[amicus_curiae]

Originally Posted by Bozdickens

For example, what is the proper way to deal with someone with Down syndrome or someone in a wheel chair?

I always get really awkward, and I don’t know what to do.

I feel like If you look at them, you are being rude and staring, but if you don’t look at them, you are ignoring them and pretending they don’t exist.
I feel like it’s a lose, lose situation.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

I have no legs, so I spend most of my waking hours in my wheelchair.

You’ve asked a great question - I know that a legless torso in a chair looks odd - and children will ask, sometimes incredulously, “where are your legs?” That question will often set off a parent in an apology fit which just leads to embarrassment and awkwardness.

I - most physically handicapped people - am not/aren’t alone when we’re out, so please don’t ask if we’re waiting for a ride when... it’s obvious that we’re waiting for a ride. There are, mmm, 10% of us in wheelchairs that might be seething with anger because of handicaps, but most of us are adept at dealing with our particular disabilities.

Staring is fine. Holding a door open, allowing the handicapped person to ‘go first’ at the entrance to a store, etc., is really appreciated although it may feel forced at the time. I hate going into most Apple Stores because I have to negotiate the narrow aisles of butts so enamoured with technology that they don’t hear an ‘excuse me’ from behind.

Just be kind. You get points for being both kind and helpful.

***I’ve said too much***

[Albatross2008]

I understand social skills questions, as I can be pretty awkward. You feel caught in a no-win situation because as you point out, you could be judged for either looking at them or not looking at them.

I was in a store once with a service animal I had at the time. A father was there with his little daughter. I cheerfully said to my dog, as I always did when we'd meet a small child, "Look, a *human* puppy." I referred to all small children as "human puppies" when talking to my dog. I have cats now, and small children are "human kittens" to them. I meant no harm. But the father gave me SUCH a glare. It didn't occur to me until afterward that the little girl had a disability. He must have thought I was putting her in the same category with my dog. Oh my gosh, I didn't mean it like that at all.

So those things happen. We will be misunderstood and judged for things we didn't intend. But I'd still say, treat a person with a disability the same as you'd treat anyone else. If you'd smile and make small talk with someone who doesn't have a visible disability, do the same for someone who does.

Oh, about rushing in to help... Unless someone is in immediate danger, I think it's a good idea to ask first. "Would you like me to get the door?" "Would you like help carrying that?" Then go by what they say.

[Mountaindewed]

It’s just people who are passing through.

I read a Ranker article that describes how people with disabilities get annoyed when you try to help without asking.

When I volunteered I asked an older volunteer if she needed help carrying what looked like a heavy rug. She said she didn’t need help, and it almost felt like she thought I had insulted her.

I mentioned it to one of the other volunteers (15 years younger)

And she said “yeah older people get insulted when you ask if they need help.”

After that I’ve been kind of hesitant asking people if they need help. On the other hand, if someone asks me for help, I’ll gladly do it. An older women needed help getting something that was stuck in the freezer at a grocery store. I got it down and she said thanks and I smiled and said your welcome .

But yeah that’s another thing. Ever since that lady I volunteerd with, I don’t know if I should ask people who look like they are struggling if they need help or if I’m just being insulting.

[Albatross2008]

Myself, I wouldn't be insulted if I were asked if I need help.

I would be terribly insulted if I were doing something, and someone just grabbed it out of my hands to do it themselves. Has happened. Apparent message, "You're too slow."

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by Bozdickens

And she said “yeah older people get insulted when you ask if they need help.”

But yeah that’s another thing. Ever since that lady I volunteerd with, I don’t know if I should ask people who look like they are struggling if they need help or if I’m just being insulting.

Doesnt matter who they are or how old they are, always offer to help with a smile. The worst they can say is no, and the worst they can do is give you a dirty look, but no one will complain to your superior that you had offered to help.

[Jester's Rags]

Years back, I helped a man in a wheelchair. His dogs leash got tangled around the wheel (one of the motorized chairs). He was stuck in the middle of the street. I didn’t have to ask if he needed help. In this case, It was obvious. I halted the traffic, untangled the leash and got him to the sidewalk. Thank you/you’re welcome, and we were each on our own way.

Originally Posted by Arbie

Myself, I wouldn't be insulted if I were asked if I need help.

I would be terribly insulted if I were doing something, and someone just grabbed it out of my hands to do it themselves. Has happened. Apparent message, "You're too slow."

Confession...I don't know how to separate carts in the store .

Why? Because any time I try to figure it out, someone walks up and does it for me.

[Albatross2008]

Originally Posted by iPhone

Confession...I don't know how to separate carts in the store .

Why? Because any time I try to figure it out, someone walks up and does it for me.

Oh, that would just burn my biscuits. Yeah, I've struggled with quite a bit of people doing things for me rather than letting me figure out how to do it for myself--and then considering me slow, or even stupid, when I don't know how. Well, let me learn, then!

[Artchic528]

I just treat anyone I meet the same, regardless of whether on not they appear to have a disability. I treat them with dignity and respect because as human beings we all deserve to be treated that way at least. I usually don't go out of my way to help anyone who appears disabled (unless they ask or look like they'd obviously could use the help) because I know they want to be able to do things for themselves for self independence and so they don't feel like a charity case or a spectacle out in public.

Having a cousin with down syndrome has taught me that we may not all be cut out to learn rocket science or brain surgery, but the unique views on life those who've had disabilities might have are equally as valuable.

Once I was upset because a dog my aunt was watching got attacked by another dog when I was out walking it. I felt so very guilty about the whole ordeal. My cousin (the one with down syndrome) sat with me as I cried and kept on telling me "Sometimes bad things happen. We can't control these bad things. We can control how we react to them." He sat there with me, rubbing my back, until I felt well enough to stop crying and go back into the house and see how the dog was doing. He'll never be able to do some things in life but as far as I'm concerned, he knows more compassion and empathy than even some of the most important people in the world do, and his big heart more than helps him overcome what shortcomings he may have.