[carcrashonrepeat]

Hi there!

My first intake is a month away. The intake is a precursor to a psychiatric evaluation, which I'm supposed to schedule with the therapist after our intake is over. So far I've gone through two phone screenings and one previous intake at a training center. I was unable to be treated there because I needed extensive and structured therapy, as well as both a therapist and a psychiatrist working together to help me. During this first intake I was told I might benefit from dialectical behavior therapy, another one that I think was called acceptance/response therapy, and (if my memory serves) CBT.

One of the phone screenings was for a paid research program that gave subjects with depression six months of medication management and some money. During the screening the researcher asked if I had ever been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I said no but based on my history it does make sense. I was ineligible for the program.

As I continue to find resources and support, I also consider some other things that have bothered me. For example, my all or nothing, mostly toxic romantic relationships, physical manifestations of anxiety, [ trigger ] and violent thoughts, dreams, fantasies with persistent suicidal ideation. I often feel like there's another part of me that is trying to kill me or wants me to suffer/die, while another part attempts to save me, and another still that desperately wants someone to notice me but can:t say anything. [ /trigger ]

I want to be careful not to go into my next intake assuming that I already know what's up, which is tough too because I've studied psychology and aim to pursue it as a career. But my fear is that I'll get in my own way. At the same time, I'm desperate to understand what's going on and while I can distract myself, it's comforting to figure out what I'm trying to manage. I've tried to distract myself, but it doesn't work.

How can I learn more about what's going on with me without compromising my first intake? I don't want to self-diagnose but I do want to understand what's happening to me.

Thanks so much!

Don't talk about mental illness, just talk about your issues. And be specific in what is bothering you right now and you want help with.

"I feel depressed a lot, and sometimes anxious and I don't quite know who I am sometimes. Right now I am mostly bothered by having trouble getting things done, anything that involves other people is difficult for me because of the anxiety and lack of motivation. That's what I'm primarily seeking help for."

If you're very unspecific - "I have a list of issues that need fixing" - they might indeed send you away; but if you just ask for help with one issue only, while mentioning the rest, they will probably not be scared away and try.

Breadfish - what a great take on this and how to approach the coming situation. I really like this. This interests me as I myself have a coming therapeutic situation approaching in coming days. Concentrating on the symptoms and effects would in fact be better than talking about the diagnoses. I am interested to learn the original poster's take on this.

Great thread that I think many of us could do well to consider.

[carcrashonrepeat]

Originally Posted by Breadfish

Don't talk about mental illness, just talk about your issues. And be specific in what is bothering you right now and you want help with.

"I feel depressed a lot, and sometimes anxious and I don't quite know who I am sometimes. Right now I am mostly bothered by having trouble getting things done, anything that involves other people is difficult for me because of the anxiety and lack of motivation. That's what I'm primarily seeking help for."

If you're very unspecific - "I have a list of issues that need fixing" - they might indeed send you away; but if you just ask for help with one issue only, while mentioning the rest, they will probably not be scared away and try.

Thank you, Breadfish! This is what I did with the first intake. I wrote down a pattern of behavior that started when I was around 15 or 16 (I'm 32 now) and discussed other symptoms that frightened me, such as the violent thinking, the sui ideation, etc. This was super helpful! I just know there's this part of me that wants to get to the bottom of this and wants to make sense of my symptoms. I'm anxious to understand because every waking moment I feel paralyzed. That's something that sticks with me.

The last therapist I saw reminded me of meditation and exercise, which could help before the next appointment. But I remember asking what do I do when I leave her office? I'm so overwhelmed by everything that the moments of clarity seem less and less. It gives me something to cling to, but I'm getting tired. Everything feels like a burden, including living itself.

There's also this part of me that accuses me of being a liar and that I need to be specific so I don't inflate what's going on. It's like I have to be my own advocate but I barely trust myself. I suppose these are just as much a part of the symptoms also...?

Originally Posted by justafriend306

Breadfish - what a great take on this and how to approach the coming situation. I really like this. This interests me as I myself have a coming therapeutic situation approaching in coming days. Concentrating on the symptoms and effects would in fact be better than talking about the diagnoses. I am interested to learn the original poster's take on this.

Great thread that I think many of us could do well to consider.

I'm glad this is helpful for you! Something you mentioned is the symptoms and the effects. I think that's the hardest part, recalling how this is all hurting me. It's an intake so it's longer than a therapy session and less therapeutic. It sucks in some ways. I may want to ram through the intake because of how upsetting it all is and how ashamed I feel. So if I just figure some of it out now then maaaaaybe it won't hurt as much again?