Freezing up and not knowing what to say right away when falsely accused of something

Do you mind my asking, but I get the impression from your posts that you're no longer in school or college and are now either doing a postgrad or internship or working. So why do all of your posts refer to your past? You seem to be holding a lot of pain from things hat happened years ago. What would help you move on and feel less stuck?

And hopefully, that helps to establish a healthy boundary between you and them. That way hopefully they understand that you will not be treated any kind of way. I'm working on healthy boundaries myself.

Well a lot of stuff that I have mentioned has happened recently even after graduating, but I just tend to use examples from the past as well that's all. They serve as learning lessons as well. And in the cases where I recently mentioned ex friends from college, the reason I bring them up is to use them as examples and with a couple of them, the stuff I mentioned that has happened occurred after graduation, they were just friends I met in college so I refer to them as college friends a lot even though I am not friends with most of them anymore for good reasons. I hope this answered your question. If I didn't answer right, I'm sorry and feel free to ask.

I agree and that is exactly what needs to happen. There are actually times where I wonder if I was accused of some things because people know I am so laid back and will almost never speak up so it makes it easier to accuse me of something that isn't even true. The people who I have spoke up against and let them know the real truth, which isn't many of them, they were completely shocked and even mad that I said something since they were expecting me to stay quiet and accept the accusation as if I had actually done something when I didn't.

That could be the case honestly. I know for a fact that that happens to me. Whenever I would dare speak up to my grandma she would get down right violent. Mind you I'm 29 not 5. Two adults should be able to talk and perhaps disagree without getting like that. Even if they are family. But she was so used to me never speaking up and being the dominant one that she couldn't handle me putting up boundaries. So, she had A LOT of derogatory things to say about me. A lot of people are shocked when I stand up for myself.

Yeah same, I never stand up for myself in an arrogant rude way, but at the same time when I do, I am firm which lets the person know they can’t walk over me.

EXACTLY! Some people can't handle that, but truly once you've tried and tried (explained and explained) sometimes you just have to be firm. Like you said, not in an arrogant or rude way. Just firm. They have to respect that.

Exactly! I totally agree. People who are older are the worst in this case.

Haha I think it has something to do with a respect thing. Like respecting our elders. The problem is just because you're my elder doesn't mean you can treat me any old way!

Exactly. And it could even be people who are just like ten years older than me. Basically anyone with at least a ten year gap and who may believe they have some sort of authority over me. But yeah people my own age can do this too but yeah I agree, just because someone is older doesn't give them a free ticket to walk over others that are younger.

Stay grounded

Don’t be submissive but don’t be over aggressive either

Make eye contact stay with your emotions

If it was me I’d say something like

I get that your annoyed at what’s happened but I can’t do anything to help you mate because it’s nothing to do with me

Totally agree with you and yeah I need to say something like that.

I don’t really get accused of anything. The only thing that happened recently was a manager at work asking what happened to something that I put out. I really didn’t know what happened to it. There’s a good chance I did damage it. I wasn’t 100% sure though. I told him I don’t know, that it might have come like that, but it was hard getting out of the box. He gave me a look but didn’t comment any further.

I just kept calm during the situation.

Oh okay yeah that can happen to at times. At least he didn’t just start yelling at you. Sounds like he may have suspected you but gave you the benefit of the doubt.

Based on how he is with other coworkers I felt like I got very lucky.

Yeah I’m sure you were lucky if he treated you better than others.