When strangers sit next to you on public transit when there are lots of empty seats

Sorry - my last comment about the two kinds of people was an old joke.

Ohh okay. Never heard of that joke. It seems true too though.

As in different kinds of people? Yes.

Just get up and move and give them a dirty look. They are being rude. Also who knows what their motives are. I’ve heard of a lot of crime starting this way on public transit.

I haven’t had this happen recently but when I would be waiting my for therapist it would happen sometimes while other times the look I would give them would be enough for them not to sit by me.

Yeah I never thought of that but yeah I can see how crimes can start this way.

I take the train every day and most days I have to get squished in on a three seater.

I am just used to being squished up against a total stranger but I really think I should be able to report as sexual assault when a guy (and it is always a guy) falls sleep on me. First, there is something about that which is so intimate, sort of using my body heat to relax, that it creeps me out. I also feel that strangers should refrain from showing me how they are using my body essence to feel better.

I know it is just me but it is really everything I can do not to punch any guy who does this.

Then you have the people who insist on sitting next to you but then squirm the entire time like they will die of scurvy if they "touch" you... for a second. Then why sit down?

I agree. It can be so irritating.

I understand your discomfort. It would seem a bit odd to me if someone sat right next to me if there were many empty rows of seats available. Personal space is to be respected, especially in some cultures. Other cultures not as much. That's something to consider.

I agree with another poster that if you feel very uncomfortable, there is a suave way to move. Maybe smile at the person and say "Oh, I'll give you more room, if you like" and then swiftly move elsewhere. If they say you don't have to, just say "No, no, I'm going to move", and swiftly do so, firmly saying "Excuse me", if needed. Or maybe say "I'm going to be getting off at the next stop, so I'll let you have more space", then walk towards the subway/train door and sit closer to it after 30 seconds, or even move to a different train car.

If a train/subway if full, you're going to have to accept the person next to you. You can always still get up and stand. That's you're right. Sometimes I've moved in these cases, especially if the person stinks, seems annoying, intimidating, or similar.

Trains I take to NYC, or the campus buses I used to take when I was in college, were often extremely crowded. I actually didn't mind at all. I like being near people, usually, but I don't invade strangers' spaces. I do remember always sitting right up against my sister growing up. She'd usually elbow me and yell at me to move over. Yea, some people like that comfort. I do remember at college spotting this guy I had been enamored with. I sat right across from him deliberately and smiled at him. We exchanged a few words. Nothing came of it, but I was smiling for the rest of the day.

I agree. Yes I am more accepting when the train or bus is full. And yes I have also stood up rather than choosing to sit next to someone as well. I like taking other people’s personal space into consideration.

Hi rdgrad15,

This happens quite a bit in my university environment also, where there's a melting pot of people, from the completely considerate to the downright intrusive. I try not to be too finicky about things involving personal space, but I do get uncomfortable if a stranger stands too close or someone sits next to me with plenty of other seats around. Why this happened to me the other day in my class. Lol This classmate who has often tried to engage me and ask me questions during lecture asked if she could sit next to me with several seats available in our row, and I just plain told her to sit somewhere else so I could have extra space to multi-task between lecture and a tough final project. Other times when people sit next to me without permission in common areas, I get up and move to a more uncrowded location, no if's and's or but's about it.

You have every right to desire plenty of personal space in common areas, and in your case, you already do a good job respecting those same desires in others.

I agree. You are like me. I agree, I do respect other people’s space. No one likes their space being intruded.

Maybe you could put your backpack or whatever on the seat next to you so they will either think you are saving the seat for someone or just plain don’t want anyone sitting next to you?

Yeah I’ve done that but it only goes so far. Eventually I will have to move my stuff if it gets too crowded.

Well, naturally, yes, if the bus is filling up. We are talking about the availability of seating when NOT crowded.

Yeah. In that case, yes I put my bag next to me to signify that it is occupied.

I totally agree with this.