Why do people blame me for their reactions to my incidental behavior?

Yet you'll do nothing to stop them. What is the use of agreeing or disagreeing if you're not willing to enforce your assertion?

That's not a realistic possibility; I've never known a time without abuse, so I have no idea what "scratch" would be. As far as I know, the genie was out of the bottle before I was born - there's no way to put it back in.

so what do you want from US?

other then a place to vent ..what concrete , sincere response do you want, need?

You are expecting human beings to know more than they do and to be able to give you something that can fix you or what you see wrong in humanity. You carry a lot of anger because your parents failed to make the world safer for you. You are angry because you did not have parents that protected you so you could grow up feeling safe amongst other human beings. Truth is a lot of members here can relate to experiencing something important "missing" and even facing human cruelties. There is defnitely no perfection when it comes to humanity. Fact is that human beings CAN be cruel and selfish and vile and dangerous and violent.

You don't know me so you have no right to accuse me of anything or accuse me of being responsible for your problems either.

I don't have to know you - you are a human being, and any quirk ascribed to the "individual" you is irrelevant. You are a member of groups, whose members are also members of groups, so on and so forth, all combining to be this world-wide social network that none of you let me join. That's all I need to know about humanity; information about so-called "individuals" is irrelevant. If you want to be treated like a true individual, start acting independently from others and stop treating me like everyone else does.

Had a computer with easy "for dummies"-like programming manual made available to me when I was 9 or so. I just started following the book, then tried writing my own games in BASIC. I pretty much took off with it since.

It's hard to get a job because no one takes me seriously, despite my skill and experience. I literally have to charge half rate - and am still only employed half the time, on average.

Sounds like a tough gig. How far do you get before the barriers arise? Resume? Interview? (If you'd rather not talk about it, no problem.)

"Resume" - sending in the same resume with a different name but same experience gets triple the reply.

Then would you say it could be that they know you from Somewhere? Recognize the name? If it’s just a name. I would actually ask politely for them to explain why they aren’t calling you? Yet they call for the same resume under different name?

Of course they "know me from somewhere" - my detractors spread rumors and lies about me whenever they get the chance. It's all a strategy to deny me any allies and other resources so they can prey on me without interference.

Any inquiries are refused, and I am accused of fraud and other things when I reveal what I've done, and they pledge to make sure I never get a job in the industry again.

That sounds like a really tough position to be in TheUrOther. Sorry you are going through that. How do you manage it? Are there things that bring you comfort? Things you like to do at home when you aren't dealing with other people?

What if apply for a job a bit distance away? Even if just an hour away? Surely people wouldn’t know you there. Could you move a long distance away? People wouldn’t know you couple of hours away or more.

What do you reveal about yourself? Is it something you must reveal like a criminal record? Or is it something you have rights to keep private? Workplace doesn't need to know everything. I’d like to help you but it’s hard without knowing the issue.

I’d say if particular people spread rumors about you and those rumors cause you not to get a job, it threatens your livelihood and I personally go see a lawyer. Lawyer can write a letter to these people with demands to stop rumors and you might even have some ground for a lawsuit.

There's a saying: "A lie will go round the world while truth is pulling its boots on."

Even before the Internet Age, the rumors outran me - I have tried moving and everyone already knew who I was, or at least knew someone who did. Now my rumors can be searched on the Internet, and messenger services are filled with lies about me.

There is not a social group in existence that does not have a member who is spreading lies about me. That's simply how human communication works.

It is nothing I legally need to reveal about myself, nor have I actually done anything wrong. For a job, I only reveal that which is pertinent to employment. The discrimination I face is all about false perceptions and rumors told by social climbers.

Lawyers won't touch me, because they believe the rumors, too. The law won't protect me because not only do they also believe the rumors, the bully cops are the ones spreading them! Every childhood bully who decided to wear badge for a living is using their power to slander me - and some are shaking me down for extortion.

You don't understand the scope of the problem. There is nowhere for me to turn; humanity's hatred of me is popular - everyone loves it, and no one turns it away.

I literally cannot comprehend "comfort". A symptom of Complex PTSD is anhedonia - the inability to process pleasure. All of my time at home is spent recovering from being with people and preparing for the next battle.

Welcome to my world. There are some workplaces that seek out aspergery people, you might find acceptance there. There have been articles in the nytimes in the past decade or so. Also a university near chicago, de-something, i forget exactly.

Yes, I experience anhedonia with my depression. It's horrible but fortunately not constantly with me. Comes and goes. I find mindfulness and guided meditation really helpful.

I understand what you mean about the energy involved in interacting with others. I am sensitive to others' energy so if I have difficult or dark energy around me that can be really draining. Sometimes I just wall myself up...something I appear to have learned instinctively in childhood. I would disappear to my room for hours or take off on my bike for a whole day when I got the chance. Interestingly, my family always labeled me an "introvert" in childhood because I was silent and alone a lot. But people who know me in my adult life all say I'm an "extrovert" and I do love to chat with others. I think I was just hiding years ago. To survive.

To all the people who say I need to change my behavior: Do you think the victims of bullies need to change their behavior to satisfy the demands of their tormentors? Do you think those abusers can ever be satisfied?

Because that's what we're dealing with here - everyone is my bully. Every person starts bullying me on contact, before I even speak or act. I don't antagonize anyone - everyone picks on me out of the blue. You can't have it both ways; you can't say that the victims of bullies are innocent and owe bullies nothing yet tell me I need to change my behavior to satisfy my assailants.

Thank you for sharing your truth TheUrOther. For what it's worth, I am not here to change anyone on PC. Not you or anyone else. I work on changes in my own life. Other people's choices are for them to determine or not....that's up to them.

I base my judgements on scientific fact and pre-established evidence; other people base their judgments and opinions on their emotions and what makes them popular.



I hope you are not suggesting that I'm making wrong assumptions and/or projecting. Every thought I make is based on pre-established evidence - I can't afford to make mistakes by assuming anything, as people have proven that they will take advantage of every mistake I make. I certainly can't assume people will behave in good faith when the vast majority consistently act in bad faith. And I don't have enough of an identity to project coherently - there is not enough there - and what's there changes too rapidly - to generate a whole thought.


My memory doesn't work that way - my brain does not retain specifics; it only rips apart memories and sorts the individual facts, destroying irrelevant details. I don't know what rumors they spread exactly, but those rumors make people hate and fear me. The police in general refuse to get involved at all, individual police are involved either as extortionists or friends of extortionists.


The last time I tried anything like this, I got beaten to the edge of death, and promised if I did it again I would be killed. The law protects the powerful against the powerless - not the other way around. It is ridiculous to think that the law will in any way help me.


Why? Can't you just use your ability to think in the abstract to figure it out? Almost all of my thinking is in the abstract - I can't afford to think in specific terms, because every solution I create I can only afford to implement if it solves multiple issues at once. If my solutions only solve one thing at a time, they will cost more than the problems they fix! I am under severe economic constraints here - everything is expensive for me, because I have so little. I have to measure every action as equivalent to quantities of blood lost - how much blood would I have to lose in order to be in as poor of health as I would be after I perform an action? So every action I perform I must squeeze as much utility as I can, as every action weakens me and leaves me vulnerable to attack - not to mention people are already using the strategy of starving me of resources as it is...

Hi TheUrOther, I have the impression that you are looking for validation and connection on PC rather than ideas for solutions or questions about your troubles. Do I have that right? Everyone here is seeking something different so it helps us all to know what each person wants when they post. Sorry for adding another question if you don't want questions here! I just want to understand your wishes when we communicate on PC.