Why do people blame me for their reactions to my incidental behavior?

Thank you for telling me your candid truth TheUrOther. That's not easy to do, right?

I understand what you mean about the genie out of the bottle before birth...I have felt like that many times....some formula or secret to life that was not shared with me. I often wonder why I am here. What's my purpose in life? If there's no way to put the genie back, where do we go from here?

Do you enjoy fiction at all The UrOther? Fiction with some very relevant human themes? I like Ian McEwan. He has a new one called 'Machines Like Me.' Set in an imaginary time in London in the 80s where people can buy life-like robots and complications ensue. I haven't read a lot of it yet but I think it's a good one. It seems like an exploration of Artificial Intelligence but I feel that maybe it's a deeper look at humanity. What do you think TheUrOther? Am I way off?

"Yet you'll do nothing to stop them. What is the use of agreeing or disagreeing if you're not willing to enforce your assertion?"

What do you suppose I should be doing to help TheUrOther?

You also mentioned in an earlier post that you have a question for us on PC....what is your question? I feel we have covered a lot of ground here. So I'm sorry if I missed it....would you mind repeating your question for us here?

I can't do anything else. I'm morally bound to not tell that which has not been pre-established to be true. I try to be as tactful as possible when the situation demands, but I cannot deliberately lie.


It seems like human behavior is this cryptographic secret that looks like perfectly random noise - unless you have the passcode that then isolates the cause-and-effect from the irrationality. Without it, I can't learn what causes which effects - every human's behavior is completely random to me, with no way to learn why you behave the way you do. There's mathematically no pattern in the madness.

I understand you very well TheUrOther. I don't have the passcode either and sometimes that hurts so much. Sometimes I try not to think about it. I have often felt like an alien from another planet yet I was born a human to human parents. And I don't understand why when I have all these alien ideas.

"cryptographic secret"

beautifully put! I like that.

You sound like a mathematician or physicist....may I ask if you are or is that too personal? It's okay to tell me if I over-step.

I am going to go and rest now TheUrOther. I hope you find some peaceful rest tonight too. Maybe we'll talk again on the forums. Or feel free to send me a private message. No pressure. I'll tell you what I often tell myself when I'm confused and doubting the world...
The stars continue to appear each night. All is well.


Ps. I don't perceive you as an "other." You appear to me as human as myself. I don't always understand my humanity but it's still there.

Close - I'm a computer programmer. Lots of math involved, and sometimes it involves physics simulations and/or formulas...

Interesting. May I ask what drew you to programming?

Had a computer with easy "for dummies"-like programming manual made available to me when I was 9 or so. I just started following the book, then tried writing my own games in BASIC. I pretty much took off with it since.

It's hard to get a job because no one takes me seriously, despite my skill and experience. I literally have to charge half rate - and am still only employed half the time, on average.

Sounds like a tough gig. How far do you get before the barriers arise? Resume? Interview? (If you'd rather not talk about it, no problem.)

"Resume" - sending in the same resume with a different name but same experience gets triple the reply.

Then would you say it could be that they know you from Somewhere? Recognize the name? If it’s just a name. I would actually ask politely for them to explain why they aren’t calling you? Yet they call for the same resume under different name?

Of course they "know me from somewhere" - my detractors spread rumors and lies about me whenever they get the chance. It's all a strategy to deny me any allies and other resources so they can prey on me without interference.

Any inquiries are refused, and I am accused of fraud and other things when I reveal what I've done, and they pledge to make sure I never get a job in the industry again.

That sounds like a really tough position to be in TheUrOther. Sorry you are going through that. How do you manage it? Are there things that bring you comfort? Things you like to do at home when you aren't dealing with other people?

I literally cannot comprehend "comfort". A symptom of Complex PTSD is anhedonia - the inability to process pleasure. All of my time at home is spent recovering from being with people and preparing for the next battle.

Welcome to my world. There are some workplaces that seek out aspergery people, you might find acceptance there. There have been articles in the nytimes in the past decade or so. Also a university near chicago, de-something, i forget exactly.

Yes, I experience anhedonia with my depression. It's horrible but fortunately not constantly with me. Comes and goes. I find mindfulness and guided meditation really helpful.

I understand what you mean about the energy involved in interacting with others. I am sensitive to others' energy so if I have difficult or dark energy around me that can be really draining. Sometimes I just wall myself up...something I appear to have learned instinctively in childhood. I would disappear to my room for hours or take off on my bike for a whole day when I got the chance. Interestingly, my family always labeled me an "introvert" in childhood because I was silent and alone a lot. But people who know me in my adult life all say I'm an "extrovert" and I do love to chat with others. I think I was just hiding years ago. To survive.

To all the people who say I need to change my behavior: Do you think the victims of bullies need to change their behavior to satisfy the demands of their tormentors? Do you think those abusers can ever be satisfied?

Because that's what we're dealing with here - everyone is my bully. Every person starts bullying me on contact, before I even speak or act. I don't antagonize anyone - everyone picks on me out of the blue. You can't have it both ways; you can't say that the victims of bullies are innocent and owe bullies nothing yet tell me I need to change my behavior to satisfy my assailants.

Thank you for sharing your truth TheUrOther. For what it's worth, I am not here to change anyone on PC. Not you or anyone else. I work on changes in my own life. Other people's choices are for them to determine or not....that's up to them.

What if apply for a job a bit distance away? Even if just an hour away? Surely people wouldn’t know you there. Could you move a long distance away? People wouldn’t know you couple of hours away or more.

What do you reveal about yourself? Is it something you must reveal like a criminal record? Or is it something you have rights to keep private? Workplace doesn't need to know everything. I’d like to help you but it’s hard without knowing the issue.

I’d say if particular people spread rumors about you and those rumors cause you not to get a job, it threatens your livelihood and I personally go see a lawyer. Lawyer can write a letter to these people with demands to stop rumors and you might even have some ground for a lawsuit.

There's a saying: "A lie will go round the world while truth is pulling its boots on."

Even before the Internet Age, the rumors outran me - I have tried moving and everyone already knew who I was, or at least knew someone who did. Now my rumors can be searched on the Internet, and messenger services are filled with lies about me.

There is not a social group in existence that does not have a member who is spreading lies about me. That's simply how human communication works.

It is nothing I legally need to reveal about myself, nor have I actually done anything wrong. For a job, I only reveal that which is pertinent to employment. The discrimination I face is all about false perceptions and rumors told by social climbers.

Lawyers won't touch me, because they believe the rumors, too. The law won't protect me because not only do they also believe the rumors, the bully cops are the ones spreading them! Every childhood bully who decided to wear badge for a living is using their power to slander me - and some are shaking me down for extortion.

You don't understand the scope of the problem. There is nowhere for me to turn; humanity's hatred of me is popular - everyone loves it, and no one turns it away.

Like Pfrog, I’m somewhat hesitant to post here.

Thank you for your thought provoking posts...

Nobody has the right to judge you... or any of us here... imho

Obviously though as members of Homo sapiens, outcasts or not, everyone does form judgments and opinions...

(Deleted my next sentence as I have a heavy internal censor and I’ve also been heavily censored and judged by many.. others... who didn’t even know me. For that matter my parental units didn’t even know me.

Personally I have found Pete Walker helpful.

I too have faced a lot of hostility and abuse often for frankly no good reason..

I find one of the worst flaws in humanity (not everyone.. and I’m working on my own assumptions etc..) is their massive tendency to make wrong assumptions. And projection...

Not much more to add at this point.

I am more than willing to understand.

Could you provide an example of what exactly do these people say or do? You say they spread rumors but what about and how does the police get involved in it?

Extortion is against the law so you certainly can file a police report about people involved in it. If police is spreading slander could you talk to a higher official? It wouldn’t cost you anything. File a complaint

It’s hard for us to understand without at least some examples

I base my judgements on scientific fact and pre-established evidence; other people base their judgments and opinions on their emotions and what makes them popular.



I hope you are not suggesting that I'm making wrong assumptions and/or projecting. Every thought I make is based on pre-established evidence - I can't afford to make mistakes by assuming anything, as people have proven that they will take advantage of every mistake I make. I certainly can't assume people will behave in good faith when the vast majority consistently act in bad faith. And I don't have enough of an identity to project coherently - there is not enough there - and what's there changes too rapidly - to generate a whole thought.


My memory doesn't work that way - my brain does not retain specifics; it only rips apart memories and sorts the individual facts, destroying irrelevant details. I don't know what rumors they spread exactly, but those rumors make people hate and fear me. The police in general refuse to get involved at all, individual police are involved either as extortionists or friends of extortionists.


The last time I tried anything like this, I got beaten to the edge of death, and promised if I did it again I would be killed. The law protects the powerful against the powerless - not the other way around. It is ridiculous to think that the law will in any way help me.


Why? Can't you just use your ability to think in the abstract to figure it out? Almost all of my thinking is in the abstract - I can't afford to think in specific terms, because every solution I create I can only afford to implement if it solves multiple issues at once. If my solutions only solve one thing at a time, they will cost more than the problems they fix! I am under severe economic constraints here - everything is expensive for me, because I have so little. I have to measure every action as equivalent to quantities of blood lost - how much blood would I have to lose in order to be in as poor of health as I would be after I perform an action? So every action I perform I must squeeze as much utility as I can, as every action weakens me and leaves me vulnerable to attack - not to mention people are already using the strategy of starving me of resources as it is...