[Photonate]

I was just thinking and realized a lot (if not all) of the time I do or want to/think about doing things more to impress, or make others proud of me, rather than for my own personal benefit and improvements. For example, if I think about going back to school, and having a successful career, the only (or at least primary) reason and motivation behind doing so is to impress my family/friends (primarily my father) and make them proud of me, rather than to better myself or for my own personal improvement.

So I'm just hoping to get some advice or input on how I can change this, and do/want to do things with my life for myself, as I can imagine that doing things for my own benefit/improvement rather than to just impress or make others proud of me would yield a lot better results.

[Thunder Bow]

Getting approval from others is an endless chase, for each person has their own opinion. Just follow your heart for what is right for you.

[Fuzzybear]

[bpcyclist]

I believe that others' opinion of me is really none of my business. Have you ever considered that possibility?

[beauflow]

((Photonate)); some good posts already but it's also perception of the information that's provided .

I'm not sure if this helps, but here are my thoughts ((which may stink to some))

If you've spent a better part of your life doing things for other's approval , admiration/to impress others, there may be time needed for self and life reflecting ... Meaning there may be an underling pattern with why you're doing what you do.

Now, my post may not be relative to you, you may not relate at all; but that's been somewhat my experience...
Why does so and so's attention man so much? What am I trying to prove by doing x,y,z. What are my motivations, and how do they make me feel?
What do I enjoy, what do I dislike, and why? And for me, does this remind me of someone or an experience ??
Sometimes it doesn't makes any sense to me, sometimes those questions don't apply, but sometimes they do. Reminding myself my worth is more than pleasing others, and if they aren't supportive- then more questions can pop up.

Obligations also should be noted here, and some maybe questioned for some people ((examples of what I mean: I feel that it's my obligation to make others happy , however with therapy and life experiences have rang true with what Thunder Bow wrote, and also reminding myself what bpcyclist wrote. And I'm always back in therapy to work through where this stems from.

I'm still always learning, tripping, etc... But I do find the more true I am to myself, the better life can be for me at times.... And remind myself that change doesn't happen over night for most .

Have you made a list of what you dislike/like and if a why?

Trying Things out too has helped me finding things I enjoy for me.

Hope you the best

[ZenStream]

So I'm just hoping to get some advice or input on how I can change this, and do/want to do things with my life for myself, as I can imagine that doing things for my own benefit/improvement

I think it's like the Nike slogan, "Just Do it"

#1. Know what you want
#2. Make a plan to make it happen
#3. Get started on it.

[eskielover]

Sounds like the issue is really not JUST about doing things for yourself but doing things for yourself without making is about getting approval from others.

My take on this is that approval from others can be about needing what you do to be VALIDATED by others. Basically approval is a form of validation. I have personally found that learning to "self-validate" helps to relieve the NEED to be validated BUT it is ALWAYS NICE to get others approval.

Most of my growing up & even in school, doing an outstanding job was more because I grew up with less educated parents & back in those days....education meant rising above what you grew up as. So determination to better myself was a huge part of my drive while my parents didn't encourage education, only my dad discouraged college.....so in SPITE I was determined to get my degree & have a successful career.

Sometimes when we have to fight for something we want we realize that we are doing it for ourselves & not anyone else's approval. Ok.....my dad had a little approval once I graduated with my BS & started my computer engineering career. But he never said anything about it but he & my mom willingly took care of my daughter while I was working long hours.

I have found in my own situation that when I do give of myself to do things for others, they are more willing to give of themselves to help me when needed. But I have found that in my case, sometimes I would do for others & leave things for myself undone. At the end of a project, I would then give time to myself to catch up on the things I need to do for me & feel ok about saying I can't help others at that time unless it is a small project....that issue can be about boundaries not approval or validation.

So much goes into this & the thinking involved.....therapy is a great help is sorting through the thoughts

[Blueskyx]

Originally Posted by Photonate

I was just thinking and realized a lot (if not all) of the time I do or want to/think about doing things more to impress, or make others proud of me, rather than for my own personal benefit and improvements. For example, if I think about going back to school, and having a successful career, the only (or at least primary) reason and motivation behind doing so is to impress my family/friends (primarily my father) and make them proud of me, rather than to better myself or for my own personal improvement.

So I'm just hoping to get some advice or input on how I can change this, and do/want to do things with my life for myself, as I can imagine that doing things for my own benefit/improvement rather than to just impress or make others proud of me would yield a lot better results.

Childeren want to please their parents because the parents know what's best for them. They are the childs role models to learn from. Sometimes parents want their child to be extraordinary or special in some way instead of just helping them grow and learn. This way normal, good or even very good things can be met with reactions as if it's not good enough. The child wants to do what's good for the child, thinking the parent knows this best and based on the reactions of the parent it becomes about impressing the parent to get the validation of the parent that the child is doing it right.

One way of dealing with it is realising that as an adult other people usually don't know better what's good for you than yourself. A person can be proud of you, impressed with what you did, but what matters eventually is what you think about it.