[beautifullife1]

Hey.
I seek out for some advice. Im seeing someone for round about 6 months now and i feel more and more that something ís of or not right. at the beginning all was fine, lots of prace and compliments and understanding. a few weeks ago it totally turned. When i tried to speak about it, name problems i have, for example with broken promisses, not answering messages like it used to be Before, no attention torwards me, only when it was something he needed or i could help with.
But otherwise he got super quit, non affectionated, distant. I asked if there was something wrong or an issue, but he said no. After this continued a while i asked him again, friendly and calm, but than he started to blame me, i cause drama and stress, it is all in my head, im too demanding. So Always when i adress my issues or when i wanted to talk, there is Always blame and no understanding at all. Everything is too much, too drama, all is only my problem, nothing is wrong. I get the Point that it is maybe my problem, bevause he might not have a problem with how things go, but do i not have the right to adress my concerns or w´hen i feel things go not fair or equal or when things have obviously changed. From hanging out, cooking, taking walks and trips evéry day to almost no interaction at all, from one day to Another. He as well called me toxic, broken and weak, drama causing, when i say im scared he said no you felt offended and hurt, he never validates my feelings in a way, he says me how i really feel and so on. i could write muc ore but maybe thats enough for the moment. I feel drained, stupid and sad. looking back this feels like a one person commitment thing, because i did kind of Everything, but the moment im not okay with somethig, im the crazy one. like im too much but than i look back on the first Three or four months where Everything was good and he was commited and now im in a total gaslightening, ghosting game. Some perspective on that would help me. Thank you in advance!

[Open Eyes]

I think you have the answer and you just needed someone to confirm it for you. You are not happy with this guy and you can’t talk to him about it. This is a big red flag and it means this relationship is unhealthy for you. He may be a narcissist in that he was only interested in using you and he isn’t interested in caring about your needs.

[beautifullife1]

Hey Thank you for your reply!

I guess i needed some validation on my sanity? I still have periods of second guessing myself on this and im in no Contact right now but im affraid of consequences since i have the feeling he is dangerous in a way, this is also why im here. I want to make sure there is some safe, emotional backup in case there will happen some more. You mentioned narccisism, i would go even further and say he has psychopatic tendencies, but definetly cluster B.

[possum220]

Abuse? not sure but they are being mean which is hurtful. This relationship is toxic not because of you but because of the dynamics and the way they are responding, which is badly.

Time to end it with this person and give yourself a chance to find a healthy relationship. Life is too short to spend it with jerks.

[Have Hope]

The only way to make sure you are "safe" is to continue no contact, and block him if necessary on all social platforms, your phone and email. If he threatens your safety in ANY way, you can call the police.

And yes, I would say that he was being abusive. He used classic abuse tactics on you to make it seem like YOUR problem and like YOU'RE the crazy one with issues. He took zero responsibility for his actions, which is also a classic abuse tactic.

Good riddance to him.

[nicoleflynn]

It is called "crazy-making" behavior; games to confuse and disorient you.....abuse. He wants you to feel badly about yourself, because HE feels bad about himself.

[TishaBuv]

It’s abuse that you are doing to yourself should you stay in a bad, crazy making relationship. He’s just acting uncaring, user, self centered because he is. Break it off and fine someone who truly cares and they won’t treat you like this.

[Fuzzybear]

He sounds like a jerk and I agree with the other posters that you are definitely better off without this person. He may also have a cluster B ''pd'' but I am not a diagnostician The ''issue'' is not with you, I do think you need to leave this person as soon as possible, and I also wonder why you are still putting up with his behaviour?

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by beautifullife1

Hey.
I seek out for some advice. Im seeing someone for round about 6 months now and i feel more and more that something ís of or not right. at the beginning all was fine, lots of prace and compliments and understanding. a few weeks ago it totally turned. When i tried to speak about it, name problems i have, for example with broken promisses, not answering messages like it used to be Before, no attention torwards me, only when it was something he needed or i could help with.
But otherwise he got super quit, non affectionated, distant. I asked if there was something wrong or an issue, but he said no. After this continued a while i asked him again, friendly and calm, but than he started to blame me, i cause drama and stress, it is all in my head, im too demanding. So Always when i adress my issues or when i wanted to talk, there is Always blame and no understanding at all. Everything is too much, too drama, all is only my problem, nothing is wrong. I get the Point that it is maybe my problem, bevause he might not have a problem with how things go, but do i not have the right to adress my concerns or w´hen i feel things go not fair or equal or when things have obviously changed. From hanging out, cooking, taking walks and trips evéry day to almost no interaction at all, from one day to Another. He as well called me toxic, broken and weak, drama causing, when i say im scared he said no you felt offended and hurt, he never validates my feelings in a way, he says me how i really feel and so on. i could write muc ore but maybe thats enough for the moment. I feel drained, stupid and sad. looking back this feels like a one person commitment thing, because i did kind of Everything, but the moment im not okay with somethig, im the crazy one. like im too much but than i look back on the first Three or four months where Everything was good and he was commited and now im in a total gaslightening, ghosting game. Some perspective on that would help me. Thank you in advance!

It sound like you need to break up with this guy. He is using you. You don't need to be around someone like that.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

It is called "crazy-making" behavior; games to confuse and disorient you.....abuse. He wants you to feel badly about yourself, because HE feels bad about himself.

I agree with everything that you said.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

It’s abuse that you are doing to yourself should you stay in a bad, crazy making relationship. He’s just acting uncaring, user, self centered because he is. Break it off and fine someone who truly cares and they won’t treat you like this.

That is great advice. Unscrew with everything that you said.

[Open Eyes]

What ever he is isn’t as important as the simple fact that he is a bad match for you. If he is a toxic controlling type person then this kind of person needs to feel superior or they won so the best way to handle that kind of person is to let them think they are superior and even their choice to break away. Then they typically look to hook someone else in to their game of whatever.