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Old Sep 12, 2021, 06:38 PM
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When someone agrees with you but repeats your answer back and then says it in a slightly different way then the way you said it.

My therapist does this and it confuses me because I think to myself “didn’t I just say that same thing?” I don’t think she’s intentionally gaslighting me. I just think she doesn’t understand what I’m going through.

My mom did the same thing the other day but it was completely unintentional. I called her out on it and she said it does sound like a weird thing to do.

I often think the term gaslight is overused way too much. So I’m just wondering if this is considered it or not.
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Old Sep 12, 2021, 06:57 PM
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I don’t think it is....this is an attempt at understanding you by rephrasing what you just said.

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Old Sep 12, 2021, 11:50 PM
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I did want to say that I agree with your statement about gaslighting being overused, I also think that triggered is another obvious example, people who are not psychologists have gotten ahold of these terms and used them in a much broader sense than they were ever used intended.
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Old Sep 13, 2021, 12:08 AM
RoxanneToto RoxanneToto is offline
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Gaslighting is an attempt to make a person question reality, while denying doing so (e.g. rearranging objects in a room before the other person comes back in, but pretending nothing happened if the person is confused) if questioned.
I agree it’s overused, especially because the use of gaslighting is malicious and can have long lasting psychological consequences for the victims. Not something to be downplayed.
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Old Sep 13, 2021, 11:36 AM
ArtleyWilkins ArtleyWilkins is offline
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A therapist will often say back to you what they think they heard in order to be sure they are understanding. It is your opportunity to dialogue with them about the accuracy about a) how you are communicating, and b) how they are understanding.

That isn't gaslighting. That is reflective listening.
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Old Sep 13, 2021, 02:35 PM
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Thanks for the clarification everyone. People on my Facebook use it so much I just didn’t know or not.
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Old Sep 13, 2021, 02:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RoxanneToto View Post
Gaslighting is an attempt to make a person question reality, while denying doing so (e.g. rearranging objects in a room before the other person comes back in, but pretending nothing happened if the person is confused) if questioned.
I agree it’s overused, especially because the use of gaslighting is malicious and can have long lasting psychological consequences for the victims. Not something to be downplayed.
The funny thing is my therapist did actually rearrange the furniture in her office since I was there last and she didn’t say anything about it when I walked in. But I just asked her why she moved things around and she had a valid answer. Something about an ADL or ADA client. Not sure what that is but it seemed legit.
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Old Oct 08, 2021, 11:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mountaindewed View Post
Thanks for the clarification everyone. People on my Facebook use it so much I just didn’t know or not.
Gaslight isn't the only word to have fallen into over use lately. Triggered, safe space, violence, these are all examples of words that have been jammed into watered down definitions that have all but robbed them of their original meanings. It was an effort to make relatively small things seem bigger and more important than they were, but the result has been to make serious things seem like no big deal.

It makes communication difficult b/c when you're trying to explain you got TRIGGERED, ie induced into a panic episode, and the person hears triggered, ie got a little upset, you're already not having the same conversation. And trying to clarify your meaning is just more stress.
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Old Oct 18, 2021, 07:34 AM
SprinkL3 SprinkL3 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mountaindewed View Post
When someone agrees with you but repeats your answer back and then says it in a slightly different way then the way you said it.

My therapist does this and it confuses me because I think to myself “didn’t I just say that same thing?” I don’t think she’s intentionally gaslighting me. I just think she doesn’t understand what I’m going through.

My mom did the same thing the other day but it was completely unintentional. I called her out on it and she said it does sound like a weird thing to do.

I often think the term gaslight is overused way too much. So I’m just wondering if this is considered it or not.
Your therapist is using a classic Rogerian method. They will often use the phrase, "It sounds like..." followed by their interpretation of what they believe they heard from you. It's a less judgmental way of communicating with active listening involved. It's not meant to gaslight at all, though it may come off that way if what they are saying is incorrect or rephrased in a condescending, patronizing, or hostile manner.

It would be good for your to bring this up with your therapist. You can say to your therapist something like, "In our last session, I noticed that you would say ___ when I said ____. To me, it sounded like gaslighting because ____. But I don't want to misjudge you, so can you explain what that is and how that's supposed to help me in session?" -Or something to that effect.

Hope you get things patched up with your T.
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