"Death-like state"

I've been unconscious for a couple days at a time a few times, and that was pretty cool except the waking up part and I'm all "why is my hand purple" or "whose fish are those?" Or maybe "it is dark and cold, I hope that's a person snoring I hear."

But I need a break from existing or just to stop or just to replace my conscious. If I could die, I'd try, but I can't (I know because I've tried like a gazillion times and even my doctor said not to bother again). I intentionally go in ponds that test positive for all sorts of wild bacteria or fecal matter or whatever with cuts hoping I'll get septic, but I swear I fight off EVERYTHING!

Is there a way to just stop all "head-stuff" (thinking/feeling) that will LAST? (Bonus points if it's something I won't get yelled at for like hiking in -40 windchills or combining fentanyl and benzos, but even those are just upsetting because I SHOULDN'T LIVE but THEY LIE! There's probably not even anything called "life" these "cells" are made up and everything is just radiation sickness or whatever. Dammit I'm not even stoned and they say these are "bong thoughts.")