Have you heard a good joke lately?

haha that tickles me

lol

Ty Shattered...I needed those laughs!

an old man is sitting in a rocking chair

along comes a younger man and says, wow, can you tell me your secret for a long, happy life?

the elder man says sure I can, smoke ciggirettes daily, eat lots of candy, and don't exercise

the young man looks shocked and then asks really?. and that all helped you live a long life?. tell me, how old are you

the man in the rocking chair says, i'm 23....

once, a salesman was driving through the country and gets stuck in the mud.

so he's right near a farmhouse and he goes up to ask for a place to stay

the farmer tells him he can stay in the barn, but warns him their is a bear in the barn

soon another salesman gets stuck, and also asks the farmer for a place to stay.

he is also told about the bear, and the other salesman in the barn.

then a woman gets stuck in the mud and asks the farmer for a place to stay

the farmer gives her the barn, tells her about the salesmen, but not about the bear

the middle of the night, the farmer gets a knock on the door.

he answers it and finds the woman standing their, clothes all torn and looking like she's just been dragged through the forest

farmer asks her what happened

woman says, well... the first guy was nice, gave me $20

the second guy was nice, gave me $10

but that guy in the fur coat didn't even say thanks

so a little boy is round his dads.

he's eating breakfast, and he asks his dad, are you sure these plates are clean?. their's a strange substance on my plate- it looks gross

the dad says, they are as clean as cold water can make them, son. now eat up

again at dinner, the boy notices something strange on his plate

the boy asks again, dad, are you sure these plates are clean?

the dad without looking up just says, eat up son, they are as clean as cold water can make them. it's fine

he gets up to leave after the meal and the dad's dog starts to bite him

the boy says to dad, I can't leave, your dog is biting me

dad says...

coldwater. stop that

so their's a couple sitting down to a chinese meal.

they get their food, and the husband notices it's staring at him.

he says to his wife, well would you look at that, the food has eyes

the wife looks, and is freaked out by it so calls over the waiter

wife says, our food is staring at us

waiter asks what did you order?

the wife says, chicken surprise

scroll down..

and down...

and down some more...

the waiter replies oh, i'm ever so sorry, I bring you peeking duck

the tickle me elmo factory (classic!)

so their was once a girl called lina.

lina wasn't that smart, in fact all the jobs she'd applied for she'd lost in a few days because she just couldn't do it right.

anyway 1 morning she sees a sign in the window of a tickle me elmo factory and figures, well, this can't go too wrong, i'll apply for the job.

on monday morning she shows up to work even before opening, and is the first in the factory.

by lunch time, however, all the other workers are really annoyed- and are banging on the boss's door

the boss comes out and asks what's wrong?

they all say it's lina. she's useless.

so the boss comes down to the factory floor, and sure enough, the tickle me elmo line is really stacked up. their are elmos even out the door

right at the back stands lina with a peace of thread in her hand and a marble.

she is trying to thread it between elmo's legs

the boss watches for about 5 minits, then walks up to her and says I think you miss understood me

what I actually said was to give elmo 2 test tickles