best divorce letter ever

bebop · Oct 08, 2009, 09:40 PM

Dear Ex-Husband

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your
letter.

It's true you & I have been married for 7 years,
although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your
constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn't
work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but
the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just
like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say
anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't
comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you
must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER,
because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About
those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the
$49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a
coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me
that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could
work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million
dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica
But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens
for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My
lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't
get a dime from me.

So take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Filthy rich and
FREE!
P.S. I don't
know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born
Carl.

I hope that's not a
problem.