[Hippie]

Does anyone know the answer to this question?
Friend is getting married this Spring and in lieu of presents is asking for money instead, I am not a wealthy woman.LOL. I don't know what to do. If I give what I can afford it'll look pretty sad. Friend might be able to go to a fast food place with my gift.
So that I can start saving my pennies now, what's considered an appropriate amount?
Has anyone else had this situation come up and what did you do?

[loveregardless]

Hippie, you should only give what you want and feel comfortable giving. If she is your friend, it should not matter if you give her nothing at all. ((( Hippie )))

[Moreta]

First of all it's not even proper etiquette to ask for money in the first place.

Secondly, they should not expect for anything more than your presence.

TRUST ME, if it was proper etiquette to just ask for money, I totally would've done it at my wedding last year. I was just happy that most of my family members showed up and we weren't at a funeral.

[perpetuallysad]

I agree, its definitely not proper to ask for money and even seems a little imposing, like "if you want to come to my wedding, you are required to give a gift (of cash)". Don't feel obligated to give them anything.

And just out of curiosity, did they mention what they wanted the cash for?

[possum220]

Personally in your situation would ignore the request for cash.

Then I would scour the second hand places (we call the op shops over here) and get them a present. Just because it is from an op shop it doesn't have to look used.

It truly is amazing what good things people recycle simple because it just isnt their style or maybe an unwanted gift. Quite a few new things land in there and are very nice. Maybe you could pick up a piggy bank and joke that they can put there money from the wedding in it?

[NuckingFutz]

You know, I think this question was asked in a Dear Abby letter. The answer was the same. Not proper to ask for cash gifts. The guests would all be wondering if they gave too little or too much. Then she woule tell them to wake up and smell the coffee.

[englishteacher]

Have to agree - it's not cool to ask for cash donations....

[AAAAA]

When my husband's youngest sister got married I asked what they wanted for a wedding gift, she responded that they were saving for a house and would prefer cash. It's a question that's asked a million times. They'd both had their own apartments before moving in together so they really didn't need anything that I was aware of for their home.

I admit I was taken aback by her response at first. But then I just stuck what I would have spent on a gift for them in a card and saved the money on wrapping paper. In the end I was happy that I didn't have to spend the time and effort shopping for them. The appropriate amount I think depends upon your financial situation and your relationship.

[little*rhino]

It is actually bad etiquette for them to ask for money - specifically because some may feel uncomfortable. My standard wedding gift is a certificate announcing that I am making a donation in the couple's name to some charity i think they would find appealing. I put it in an envelope and it will seem no different to the other wedding guests.

[ECHOES]

Giving is up to the giver, regardless of what the receiver is attempting to wrestle from the giver.

[Sabrina]

Where I come from, it is pretty common place to request cash instead of gifts. I don't find it offensive at all. Having said that, you are not obliged to give anything at all. And if you still prefer to give a gift, I can't see that being a problem. Your friend will understand.

[Fox]

I'd be curious what they were wanting the money for personally. They can't possibly expect everyone to give just cash. I personally don't understand why holidays and weddings are always about what the persons get. Shouldn't it be a celebration of two people coming together not some charity ball???? Just a thought. But at any rate if it's money they're asking for, no matter how much you give if they're truly your friends they will be appreciative. Especially be conscientious of what you write in the card, that'll last much longer than any money you could possibly give and is much more meaningful. $25 would be appropriate, but no matter what you can give it'll all add up with everyone else's gifts. I just hope they don't open their "presents" at the reception. That can be VERY embarrassing to everyone.

Some other ideas would be to have something engraved with their names and wedding date, that's something that they would not have and mean a lot.

[Hippie]

The piggy bank sounds good cause they want the $$ to get out of debt and I guess that's why I had these ambivalent feelings.

[Typo]

I love the piggy bank idea, I wouldn't be offended by the fact they asked for cash, but if you aren't in the financial place to give them any they should understand if they are your friends. Right now is a hard time for everyone.

[Rhapsody]

The last wedding I went to money was asked for instead of gifts seeing that the couple was young and expecting a baby, not to mention their needed move to a bigger apartment.... I gave what I could in a really nice card and left it at that - no energy was ever wasted on worry.

The next time I saw the happily married couple they gave me a big hug and thank me for helping them out in the their new life.

[seeker1950]

I agree with the others here that it is in bad taste to specify that they want cash. I've never heard of that, but I did see it in The Godfather, or other gangster movies, LOL.