[Kansas_girl17]

It seems like no one does...I mean I have friends who say they do, and like..stuff. But I don't understand why they would like me...sometimes I think they just feel sorry for me...cause like when I seriously need someone to talk to their always *busy* or not home...I know guys don't like me...cause not pretty or...smart really. What I really wanna know is how do you tell if people really like you or...just pretending. Is there a way to know....

P.S. sorry for rambeling....

[Rhapsody]

If your friends are wanting to be with you or talk with you and they say they like you.... then they do (you just have to believe it).

[ruffy]

(((Kansas Girl17))) Not pretty enough? Not smart enough? "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent" - Eleanor Roosevelt. Dont be so hard on yourself. Get comfortable in your own skin. You are truly special and unique. You just need to let the world see that!!

[AmadeusApple]

I'm sure they do like you.
But if you learn to like yourself, that's what matters most.
It's hard, I know... I still don't like myself, but I try.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/1752

[Evening]

I feel ya, I am the exact same way. I doubt a lot of my friends because they aren't there when I need them. I only have 3 friends that I don't doubt. They are the only friends who I don't always think 'seriously, are you just being my friend so you look like you have more friends or something?'. In fact in the past I didn't even have that. I have started to distance myself from those people, if they don't have time for me I don't have time for them. If they can't be a friend, why be a friend? It is a bit difficult laying the line but I am just going to bring myself down continuously otherwise.
And the whole 'they aren't home' thing, I SO know what you mean, when you feel down and need someone, suddenly everyone has a life. You call them 10 times and they never answer, and when they finally call back you're feeling resentful and tell them to forget it, it doesn't matter.

If you want to know if they are really your friend, think about how much of a friend they actually are- do they stand you up, do they tell you they love you and want to do stuff and then you don't hear from them for weeks or months, do they suddenly disappear when you need help, do they lack empathy in your feelings (e.g. some of my 'friends' try and push me to drink, and they do drugs in front of me, even though they are aware of how uncomfortable it makes me feel).
Weigh up the pros and cons of their friendship, try and talk about it with them (without directing it AT them), look at how you feel about yourself, and try to figure out if some of your friends are really worthy. You deserve better than that.
A friend once said to me 'nobody has a right to bring you down, even if they don't intend to'. I think he was right. Some people are just so ignorant that they don't realise what a crap friend they really are, they don't see how their lack of concern and empathy is hurtful to you, and that it is going to reflect on how you feel about yourself.

If they call you, IM You, ask YOU to do things - then they like you.

If youre the person always IMing them, emailing, calling, offering to do things - then they might be just trying to be nice. What happens if you dont contact them for a while? Do they contact you?

I have a friend who always has someone iming her with drama and rambling BS. She is too nice to tell her to screw so instead she copies and pastes things she says to me and *****es about her. She blocks her on AIM and this person just starts texting her phone to death and keeps calling it. She gives one word answers and the person cant take a hint. So she deals with her.

(((((Kansas girl17)))---a true friend is someone you can be your best self with.

If, at the end of your life, you can count just one friend who has always been there for you, and you for them-----------You will be wealthy.

These are sayings I paraphrased for you.

In my life, thus far; I can count two (2) true friends in my life. They are friends of over 40 years.

It is true, however, that I do not burden them with my problems these days; as my problems would hurt them (they love me and I love them).

To be a good friend, you must first be your own best friend.
You are putting yourself down--casting negative vibes out to all-----surely you are of worth?
Surely you have things about yourself that make YOU proud?

Go easy on yourself-------you need YOU!!!!!------I send you hugs---theo

[Kansas_girl17]

Ruffy wish that was true lol, I'm not special or unique...well maybe unique, but not in a good way. One of my ex's friends said I should out a bag over my head... so hmm...yeah.

Evening and Mochafrapplz, what you said makes things a little clearer....my *friends* I belive are just people trying to be nice. I have a total of 3 friends and none of them close, all my friends I thought were close ditched me...

I'm always the one to call or IM them...and always feel like I'm bugging them, one of my friends nikki...she does the whole one worded response so I had stopped im'ing her cause...well truly I don't think she likes me...

Perhaps going through these may help you change your perspective>

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2009/15-...e-distortions/
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/sel...9/METHOD=print

Be well.

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Perhaps going through these may help you change your perspective>

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2009/15-...e-distortions/
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/sel...9/METHOD=print

Be well.

Personally, I find stuff like that more annoying than helpful. It's like there's a disorder or something for everything these days. I mean, It's a fact of life - some people do not like you. Kids who get picked on in school can like themselves all they want but it doesn't stop bullying. Regardless of how you feel about yourself, some people just will not like you. Accept it and move on. Talk to more people, make new friends and eventually you'll find at least ONE person that you really click with and like each other equally.


lol..So what about whoever's friend said you had to put a bag over your head. I think Jessica Simpson needs a bag over her head but obviously there are thousands of people out there that think she's hot. Same thing though....some people will like you and others won't.

[ruffy]

(((Kansas Girl 17))) Little story for you...I know a guy who was burned badly in a fire from head to toe. Almost doesnt look human anymore, but because he has such a good and pure heart, and because he is comfortable with himself, a beautiful woman fell in love with him and they just married. This is a true story!!! Its not about what you look like or how smart you are. If you like yourself, others like you will be drawn to you. We are usually our toughest critics. As for the person who told you to put a bag over your head. Thats a bully, and most definately suffering from low self esteem themselves, no matter how attractive or smart they may be.

[Evening]

It will always hurt when someone doesn't like you, and when it seems to be a lot of people you are going to question why. It is true that not everyone will like everyone else, but it is still very hard, especially when you are so down on yourself that you wonder what it is that SO many people seem to dislike about you. Sometimes we can feel that the only way we can like ourselves is for others to like us first.

[Razorback_713]

I have often found when I am in a state where I believe no one cares about me that I can look around and find atleast one thing or person to prove me wrong. There is always someone out there that cares about you, just look how many people already replied to your original post for evidence.

Great answer Razorback 713!!!

See that; Kanas girl 17?---we all care and like you here enough to respond!

I send you out huggies, and positive thoughts-------------------theo

(((((( Kansas Girl 17 ))))))

[toniahoward]

I feel exactly the way you do all the time so I understand...The only thing that I can tell you is if someone says they care for you just embrace it because why would they waist their time lying to you so you continue to be around them. I don't think they would....Good luck in this a don't hesitate to holler if you need something.

Hey there (((((((((((toniahoward)))))))))))))--you get some hugs too!!!

Welcome to pc!!!--------------theo