Well, I'm 38 years old, and find it extremely hard to meet people. I've noticed this now through my whole adult life, which kind of sucks. People that know me, know I'm a little shy at first, which I guess is normal. I just wish there was some way to make people notice me more. Any thoughts?

[Timgt5]

Just be who you are, you may not have as much attention, but the attention you do get will be sincere, other than that smile and make eye contact with everyone you see, I have trouble with that one from time to time.

[Kayelless]

I'm a naturally friendly person so it's not difficult for me to reach out to others when meeting them; however I understand what you're saying. It's not easy to trust people. It's not easy to let down our guard and allow ourselves to be seen for who we are.

One of the things I will put forth is this question for you to ask and answer for yourself. Are you judgmental and opinionated about others? Are you concerned with how they look, talk, or what their race or cultural identity is?

Quite naturally we all consider these things to an extent so the answers are not a matter of problematic proportions, but here is the point of consideration. If we are looking at others that way, maybe we're putting those same types of parameters on ourselves when we consider how they might be viewing us.

Case in point - We might be self conscious about our appearance, worried that others see our flaws as a negative characteristic in us and therefore are lest likely to want to befriend us. Truth is many persons don't care what we look like and are quite willing to get to know us just as we are. It can very difficult to recognize this truth if we are holding up that same standard that we think is/isn't appealing against ourselves.

Now I have no idea if that is something you're dealing with, but it's something that might be getting in your way of meeting and making friends so I thought I would mention it. Only you can tell and it's only you who needs the answers to these questions.

Is that helpful to you in some way?

Hello, Deborah35. Why do you think people do not notice you? Do you initiate conversations with people you do not know? I recognize there may be a safety factor to consider.

I never have had many friends. I have been told I give off signals that people interpret to mean I want to be left alone. When I take that look off, I am able to have casual conversations.

Good luck.

[Naturefreak]

Deborah35
I know how you feel. Without friends we feel empty. We really do need friends. I hope you find a special friend Deborah.

Originally Posted by Kayelless

I'm a naturally friendly person so it's not difficult for me to reach out to others when meeting them; however I understand what you're saying. It's not easy to trust people. It's not easy to let down our guard and allow ourselves to be seen for who we are.

One of the things I will put forth is this question for you to ask and answer for yourself. Are you judgmental and opinionated about others? Are you concerned with how they look, talk, or what their race or cultural identity is?

Quite naturally we all consider these things to an extent so the answers are not a matter of problematic proportions, but here is the point of consideration. If we are looking at others that way, maybe we're putting those same types of parameters on ourselves when we consider how they might be viewing us.

Case in point - We might be self conscious about our appearance, worried that others see our flaws as a negative characteristic in us and therefore are lest likely to want to befriend us. Truth is many persons don't care what we look like and are quite willing to get to know us just as we are. It can very difficult to recognize this truth if we are holding up that same standard that we think is/isn't appealing against ourselves.

Now I have no idea if that is something you're dealing with, but it's something that might be getting in your way of meeting and making friends so I thought I would mention it. Only you can tell and it's only you who needs the answers to these questions.

Is that helpful to you in some way?

I'm not judgmental or opinionated at all. Race, how people look, or how people talk does not affect me when I meet people. I don't judge based on those things. If someone's nice to me, I'm nice to them. It just seems when I was in my teens, I could make friends easier than now that I'm an adult. I'm not sure if it's just society today, people are afraid, or something I portray to others. Yes, it does get lonely at times.

Originally Posted by Timgt5

Just be who you are, you may not have as much attention, but the attention you do get will be sincere, other than that smile and make eye contact with everyone you see, I have trouble with that one from time to time.

Very true Tim. I want the attention, but in a good way. I don't want to have to change who I am like you said here.

[eskielover]

I'm sort of a loner....guess being an only child sort of created a lack of need of having people around me or the need for friends. Growing up, I had a few friends that I enjoyed doing things with. As I got older, I had many different interests, so I was involved in different things. I had a couple of friends (more like good acquaintances) in each of the different areas that I was involved in. None of my friends from each place knew each other as they had nothing in common with each other.

I still find that's the way my life is. I have my trail riding & horse group of friends & I have my Bible study group of friends & I have my church group of friends & a small group of friends from several of the other activities I'm involved with. I have 2 closer friends that I have gotten to know very well but neither of them know each other.

With my groups, I find that I always offer my help with anything they need, I am able to go out of my way to do things that is needed....like helping to clean up a house one lady was moving into, pressure washing a deck, helping with the 4-H trail riding group & getting to know the parents. I don't do the smile thing right now as so many of my teeth have broken off & I don't have money to have them pulled & dentures, but I still have a closed mouth smile all the time.

For me, it's just a matter of being involved with people who have the same interests as I do & then with time we get to know each other & friendships form....it's a slow process, but that's better than getting involved with people who we really find out we don't want to have anything to do with & can't get rid of out of our life.

Take it slow....it's really better that way & get involved with things that interest you, then you can find the nice people who you feel comfortable to be around within the group & then friendships form.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Originally Posted by Deborah35

I'm not judgmental or opinionated at all. If someone's nice to me, I'm nice to them... It just seems when I was in my teens, I could make friends easier than now that I'm an adult... I'm not sure if it's just society today, people are afraid, or something I portray to others. Yes, it does get lonely at times.

You may need to look at all this again and reorganise the way you see yourself.

We all have a way that we view ourself which is quite often different to our actions or the way others view us based on their experience with us.

You are a good friend, supportive of those you are friends with and protective of them; this is my experience with you...so when you see new people look at you, don't wonder what they see, just smile...I feel sure it might be a nice smile,

Rhiannon