Family members dont understand

It's often wasted effort. Sorry. Both my parents died before understanding anything about my physical disabilities etc. Either they're willing to understand, or they aren't, imo. Either they have the capacity for empathy or they don't.

Move on.
It's heartbreaking to realize their pitiful situations, but less hurtful by not being around them much. Look for people who care to add you as a friend because of your assets, and who overlook your current inabilities.

Welcome kiki,
I am sorry about your family, some people just dont understand or just dont want to understand the distress that one goes thru sometimes you need to leave people where they are at, in order to be able to help yourself

Stacy,

Go with your friend, it will be better for you. When I was in college I would take all the Holiday shifts, just so I wouldn't have to go "home."

Now I don't speak to them. Some days it hurts alot and is hard, but I know it was the right thing to do.

I am lucky that I have a supportive boyfriend and his family.

Hang in there.

Omg Iam sorry for your lost .Yeah thats true.

Hi Kikki,
Unfortunately I too know what yr going thru.My family ignores me and yet expectations of me are very high. They have an ideal of who I should be, a very 1950s mother and wife and yet highly successful out in the world, a flawless hard worker, pull yourself up by the bootstraps motto....it is impossible. Too make matters worse I have the belief I am a loser, letting them down, as have chosen to remain single w/o kids and have been very sick the last two years which they do not understand and will not research. They blame my boyfriend.They wont watch educational videos. They have put on the air to those around them that they are the epitome of success, but behind closed doors they were invalidating, mom was abusive, dad had very poor boundaries.....anyway, I have GREAT difficulty separating myself from them and have been working on this in therapy for years now. Unfortunately my personality has formed around fear and rejection, so this is very hard and I can hardly make it through some days w/o hurting myself. If you have a hard time separating from them, what all children are suppose to be equipped to do in life, dont beat yourself up,it may take time, but if you can just cut them out of your life, please do. You do not deserve to feel awful, like youre shattering into a million pieces, you are worth so much more. I hope your experience has not been as invasive and insidious as mine. Prayers and courage. Stacy May

Often, it seems that those who are most invalidating are those who fear that they have played a role in the problems, and are perhaps right. My mother has gotten far worse in this arena. Sadly. My faher gets basically told it is all his family and his his fault because he had problems with alchohol when I was little, but he is actually a far gentler peron than my mom or her family for the most part ever were. That is simply how it was. Times were so hard hard for them. My father because of his recovery workd understands and accepts his possible role and alos can accept that that is then, this is now. My mom can do neither, even when I don't and haven't for a long time brought up either. Sometimes it's their illness that's the problem, dears. not ours.

Well, I hope I don't sound discouraging but my family and I aren't getting along well, and this is why - they don't understand about much of anything with me, especially not mental stuff and what I'm actually capable of and what I'm not capable of - they believe I'm an emotional cripple, and I'm not really - its all in how I manage my conditions.

And I think most of the time, I manage my conditions fairly well and lead a fairly normal life.

My family also treats me the way they do, because they want control over me. I am denying them this to live my own life - and they're furious at me for it.

So - just my opinion and its not very positive (sorry) but family rarely understands anything!

They "should" be our best cheerleaders, our best supporters - but then there is "reality" - and they're not. Make friends and rely on them - its a whole lot better.

In the meantime, my hugs to you!

Yeah thats good that your boyfriend is supportive and thank you

Yeah we have a lot In common I cant belive that your own family members will do us like that Its tough enough that we are dealing with mental health issues .I dont even want anything too deal with my family cause they do me like this.And my mom is controlling she wants to control me and make me mad and push my buttons.No you are not right and I agree with you 100percent and its good thing that we are venting like this cause we cant leave this all ball up with anger cause thats not healthy also.And they should be our cheerleaders thats encourage us and make us feel better when we need them .And Its bad enough that my brother is a case worker and he dont ever stand up for me and say thats mean cause I know what she is going through cause I work at the mental health center.Hugs to you also cause that is a shame how they treat us.Family supposed to have your back and tell you everything is going to be alright .But Iam scared to let my tdoctor know this cause he might take there word and stop seeing me and getting me In couseling .

That sucks that our own family members are doing us like this and it breaks my heart of them doing too me .You would expect these things from other people that are not your family members but Its shocking to me that a lot of people are going through the same as us its so shocking .Yeah I tried the same things by buying tapes tapes on mental health things and they just said get that crap away from me .Shake my head this is crazy .No we dont deserve this cause we are worth more then this crazy judgement.I dont answer my phone no more for them cause If they cant be there when I need them then I dont need them when I dont have issues.Big hugs mines is the same as your experienced .Yeah I do pray now and get support on here with people like us that going through pure hell .They dont care about tears and deep depression and feeling hopeless whats wrong with them .

Kikki,
Are you saying your counselor or pdoc no nothing of how your family is treating you? If you trust them (and you should, if you don't I'd find new ones) then you should be telling them about your family and how they treat you b/c they will be able to help you learn to deal with your family and have some ideas on how to do it. My counselors (therapists) where very helpful in helping me see the damage "my family" was doing to me and help me to come up with plans to deal with them. Hang in there. And know people do care.