Parenting Tips for Psychopaths

Last night, I was watching the Texas Chainsaw Massacre with my kids. Ill advised, I know, but those inane kiddie shows on Nick and Disney are simply insufferable. Besides, it builds character. Knowing full well that either one or both of them would come barging into my bedroom in the wee hours of the morning, I made sure to lock the door. And, to make doubly sure they left me the hell alone, I, at the moment I heard them rapping at my chamber door, fired up a chainsaw, which I had left under my bed for that exact purpose, and then laughed maniacally for good measure. Needless to say, they slept in their beds last night. They're growing up so fast.

Disclaimer: This is just for laughs. If I haven't made it abundantly clear during the tenure of our relationship, you shouldn't, under any circumstances, listen to my nefarious nonsense.

LOL My kids are all older. They lock their doors to keep me out after forcing me to watch Saw or some other such nonsense.

If they grow up and take after you Michael....you might have to watch out for them

Saw was a good one too... We might be watching that one tonight...

I already have to watch out for them... For wee tots, they've come up with some rather ingenious pranks and tricks. If only they would put all that time and effort to something useful, they'd rule the world.

One time when my oldest was 3, she took the toilet brush which I had just used and thought scrubbing the dining table and door was a good idea. We have a running joke - when she's married and invites me for dinner...she better hide her toilet brush.

Haha... That's a pretty good idea, actually. Maybe if I bought a new brush, got it wet, then told them it was recently used to clean the toilet, they might be inclined to actually clean something, thinking it'd be a funny prank. Or they'd chase each other with it... Well, at least it's good exercise.

YIKES, i'm glad u're not my daddy, mtg.