[(JD)]

Ah ha! Caught you off guard I'll bet... No, this isn't a rant for anyone. What I'm looking for, plain and sweet, is a listing of what you feel is a good way to post.

We have some good support "rules" here and I'm trying to sift through them and the "unwritten rules of civil conduct" for organization.

Tell me what and why if you can makes a good rule of thumb to go by when posting. Of course you can make an application (or for instance, example) along with it. Anything you see that works for you best etc... I'm open to them.

For instance, how would you say that sarcasm really doesn't have a place in a support post (though we know it can be fun in the games )
What are good ways to phrase support? Oh sigh I'm confusing myself now.

Help!

(If you wish to show a negative and how to turn it around, be sure to say that first? (that it is not a good way to post?)
I guess of course this includes for here too...no attacks on any person.

This forum is great. Just I don't give good advice when I post on people's thread

[alwaysrejoice]

I have no complaints

I have no complaints either in fact this forum is fantastic, The forum I was on before there was alot of arguing and *****ing, I can't believe how people are so nice and friendly here.

[(JD)]

Thanks for the replies folks but I'm not looking at picking any site apart... I'm trying to form a list for myself in what makes a good post.

Ok... don't argue
and... ???

[Travelinglady]

Okay, I'll bite. I've generally not had any problems with offensive posts. I'm thinking, though, of what I was taught as a future teacher about making comments on students' papers. That is, begin with something good or positive or supportive. Then, if you disagree with what the person said or desire to tell the person "the error of his/her ways," then bring that up in a kind way.

I have to say I've been blunt a bit lately in a post or two. However, in those cases I just did not believe that "sugarcoating" the issue would have been honest and helpful. We do need to remember that, although hardly any of us are trained as therapists, we should not support behavior or thoughts that are not helpful to someone's physical or mental health. Of course, people do differ in their thinking on even these such matters.

Possible example: "XZZ, I really appreciate your bringing this issue up. I can understand your perspective. From my personal experience {or understanding, etc.}, however, I see things differently.....Blah, blah, blah....."

I've never exactly posted a response that way, but I would think that approach would be a good one.

If you folks disagree, then please be kind in your post!

P.S. I try to use the smilies to indicate my emotions, and people can also use the "mood" words. I was on a thread recently where someone had indicated her mood as angry, and I thought she was angry at something I said. So, I sent her a personal message, asking her about it. Come to find out, she was angry about something in real life.

That leads me to a question, then: When we post, would it be best sometimes to change our "mood" to fit how we are feeling when we are posting on that thread? I have experienced a few threads where the people were mad, and they indicated their mood as such, too! Not being able to see people's faces and body language over all does make understanding what they are meaning even more difficult!

I should probably indicate more when I'm kidding or not serious. I do like to joke a lot...... If I am truly offended with someone, then I'll send them a personal message and not hash it out on the public forums.

[(JD)]

don't argue
begin with something positive
validate their concern
speak from "I" statements
don't make light and joke
if you do make a joke, be sure to label it as attempt to be funny, or what you see as funny
realize your opinion is only that, and others also have their opinions which may differ from yours

is this good so far?

I like being "kind" but that's so subjective, part of what gets some in trouble is they don't realize how they're saying something might not be kind (esp if that's what they grown up with and being told it's okay?)

[Travelinglady]

Yep, that list sounds like a pretty good summary of what I rambled on about. I suppose "being kind" is rather a vague expression. Let's see--To me, being kind means: 1) no personal attacks; 2) in no way suggesting that the person is dumb, ignorant, off his/her rocker, etc.; 3) saying something positive/supportive, too, as much as possible (as I said earlier); and 4) in general, following the PC guidelines for posting.

I do realize that some people truly don't realize that they might be offending others, but if that situation is the case, perhaps the person should be told that the way he/she responded did bother folks. What do other people think?

[(JD)]

don't argue
begin with something positive
validate their concern
speak from "I" statements
don't make light and joke
if you do make a joke, be sure to label it as attempt to be funny, or what you see as funny
realize your opinion is only that, and others also have their opinions which may differ from yours

phrase posts so no one feels put down, dumb, ignorant, or otherwise bad for posting what they did post

sarcasm has no place in regular posts --even when it might be directed at an entity/outsider (not a member), someone holding to a positive view of that entity/outsider could feel as though it was directed at them and their views

be careful of the "jk" posting ("just joking" can be construed as non supportive at times)

• Try to be nice
• Don't swear or say anything harsh
• Spell words correctly
• Person should say sorry if they said anything bad

There are some of my suggestions. Sorry about my previous post. I am stupid.

[(JD)]

don't argue
begin with something positive
validate their concern
speak from "I" statements
don't make light and joke
if you do make a joke, be sure to label it as attempt to be funny, or what you see as funny
realize your opinion is only that, and others also have their opinions which may differ from yours

phrase posts so no one feels put down, dumb, ignorant, or otherwise bad for posting what they did post

sarcasm has no place in regular posts --even when it might be directed at an entity/outsider (not a member), someone holding to a positive view of that entity/outsider could feel as though it was directed at them and their views

be careful of the "jk" posting ("just joking" can be construed as non supportive at times)

Try to be nice
Don't swear or say anything harsh

If you have a real issue with spelling, use a spell checker when you can, to help others be able to read your post easier

Apologize asap if you find you may have said something that hurt

(good ones all! Keep 'em coming, please)

• Try to not say anything about sucide :S
• Try to respect each other's feelings

I can't remember what else...

[(JD)]

don't argue
begin with something positive
validate their concern
speak from "I" statements
don't make light and joke
if you do make a joke, be sure to label it as attempt to be funny, or what you see as funny
realize your opinion is only that, and others also have their opinions which may differ from yours

phrase posts so no one feels put down, dumb, ignorant, or otherwise bad for posting what they did post

sarcasm has no place in regular posts --even when it might be directed at an entity/outsider (not a member), someone holding to a positive view of that entity/outsider could feel as though it was directed at them and their views

be careful of the "jk" posting ("just joking" can be construed as non supportive at times)

Try to be nice
Don't swear or say anything harsh

If you have a real issue with spelling, use a spell checker when you can, to help others be able to read your post easier

Apologize asap if you find you may have said something that hurt

Again don't argue if someone says they feel hurt, or scared or whatever: their feelings are real to them, even if you think they "shouldn't" feel that way (don't minimize them and how they feel)

Realize some topics may trigger others; use the trigger icon on your thread/post if needed

be supportive as possible
do not judge.
Try and offer a hug.

Maybe these suggestions are crap.

[(JD)]

don't argue
begin with something positive
validate their concern
speak from "I" statements
don't make light and joke
if you do make a joke, be sure to label it as attempt to be funny, or what you see as funny
realize your opinion is only that, and others also have their opinions which may differ from yours

phrase posts so no one feels put down, dumb, ignorant, or otherwise bad for posting what they did post

sarcasm has no place in regular posts --even when it might be directed at an entity/outsider (not a member), someone holding to a positive view of that entity/outsider could feel as though it was directed at them and their views

be careful of the "jk" posting ("just joking" can be construed as non supportive at times)

try to be nice
don't swear or say anything harsh

if you have a real issue with spelling, use a spell checker when you can, to help others be able to read your post easier

apologize asap if you find you may have said something that hurt

again don't argue if someone says they feel hurt, or scared or whatever: their feelings are real to them, even if you think they "shouldn't" feel that way (don't minimize them and how they feel)

realize some topics may trigger others; use the trigger icon on your thread/post if needed

be as supportive as possible
do not judge
try and offer a hug

if you don't know what to say, sometimes a smiley hug will do

[(JD)]

I'm sure there's more ideas... it's not about PC per se... but any website.

It's a good list though, and good beginning for my listing ways personally...

[ssimply]

so far so good wish ppl could be more indebth when posting on my comments but all good!

[Beholden]

Being supportive in a positive way sometimes means just keep your differing opioions to yourself and not post on that thread. ????

Or is that the same thing as not arguing?

Just trying to come up with a different aspect of the question for you.

[(JD)]

Another good one, yes.
While at times it seems no one posts (and there are plenty of threads to which no one has replied) ...

it's perfectly okay to not feel you have to comment on everything. AND if you don't think your view is going to be accepted, don't post it. Even when it's supportive, if it's taken the wrong way, then it really isn't supportive.

don't argue
begin with something positive
validate their concern
speak from "I" statements
don't make light and joke
if you do make a joke, be sure to label it as attempt to be funny, or what you see as funny
realize your opinion is only that, and others also have their opinions which may differ from yours

phrase posts so no one feels put down, dumb, ignorant, or otherwise bad for posting what they did post

sarcasm has no place in regular posts --even when it might be directed at an entity/outsider (not a member), someone holding to a positive view of that entity/outsider could feel as though it was directed at them and their views

be careful of the "jk" posting ("just joking" can be construed as non supportive at times)

try to be nice
don't swear or say anything harsh

if you have a real issue with spelling, use a spell checker when you can, to help others be able to read your post easier

apologize asap if you find you may have said something that hurt

again don't argue if someone says they feel hurt, or scared or whatever: their feelings are real to them, even if you think they "shouldn't" feel that way (don't minimize them and how they feel)

realize some topics may trigger others; use the trigger icon on your thread/post if needed

be as supportive as possible
do not judge
try and offer a hug

if you don't know what to say, sometimes a smiley hug will do

If you can share and support with a sentence or two, do so. If you can't then at least leave a smiley.

Originally Posted by ssimply

so far so good wish ppl could be more indebth when posting on my comments but all good!

We're not experts and sometimes we may not be able to write more in depth. I don't really post a lot or give advice because I'm rubbish at giving advice.

[unaluna]

I placed 3rd in an adult spelling bee in the 1980's, and I gotta say good or bad spelling doesn't bother me either way. I wouldn't want someone to think that correcting their spelling is more important than transmitting their message when they are in distress? Some of my best friends don't spell too good!

[(JD)]

Good. I think the comment about spelling is for those who consistently misspell so many words that it makes reading and understanding their posting quite difficult. Since there is a spell checker available, and one only needs to check the words it highlights or questions, it's not like someone has to know what words they misspelled to fix them. No one wants a person to feel they shouldn't be posting if they can't spell though.

And yes, I think most people do realize the issue with replying at times...when you don't know what to say, or are in a hurry, or whatever. That's why I said, post if you can, but if you read it why not leave a smiley hug or heart or something?

[quote=(JD);2080431]Another good one, yes.
While at times it seems no one posts (and there are plenty of threads to which no one has replied) ...

it's perfectly okay to not feel you have to comment on everything. AND if you don't think your view is going to be accepted, don't post it. Even when it's supportive, if it's taken the wrong way, then it really isn't supportive.
so clear this up for me (i guess i am now breaking one of the cardinal rules by questioning)..but if i don't agree with the masses then i should just keep my mouth shut because my post in not wanted or accepted here? because that is how i interpret your statement.

i realize that this may not be the place for a heated discussion BUT i do think that if we are forced to read the same opinion with all the same little smilies and hugs all over the place then how is that challenging anyone? what if we are all handing out bad info? very few of us here are trained professionals?

why must we all agree to the same opinion & not post differing opinions? is this just your rule or is this PC policy? not being snotty but seriouslyt i would like to know because if it is PC policy then i will elave. i don't like being told i must conform to the masses..or else. when i post here for help i would rather have an assortment of posting than 1,000 little (((huigs)))) and smilies...they don't offer me any guidance..but a posting with input does. that poster might just help me look at a situation in a manner which i have not done so before.

as for spelling & typo's..english is not everyone's native tongue. nor is everyone at the same education level. personally..altho having graduated from college & worked professionally in law enforcement..since i have retired i do not use upper case letter unless i have to...because well..i don't have too..& i don't spell well due to a brain injury...will that result in issues as well...everyone has issues...

again to impose standards such as these are WRONG (notice the use of uppercase.)

[(JD)]

FIRST let me make it clear that this list is not necessarily for PC... it is me trying to get good posting ideas all in one place (a comprehensive list.)

There aren't any rules about spelling, and I have addressed that I think.

No, no rules about not posting either. However, every once in a while you can "read" a person's attitude or "where" they are right then at that moment and you just "know" they aren't ready to hear what you have to say. (Maybe they already pushed back on a previous post by someone.)

There is a fine line between giving what they person really needs to hear and posting it, and withholding a post because they aren't ready to hear it. For me, that's when my ego needs to take a back seat, and while I cannot give support for something that just isn't right, I can often find a way to phrase something to nudge them towards finding a better way... but if not, I really shouldn't be posting. Especially here at PC. Another site and it might be fine to post something that isn't supportive...and indeed often the person needs to hear something that isn't coddling them...but again... PC is about supporting the person where they are and if we can, gently nudge them to a better place if they need it...but not put them there.

No problem with your asking at all. Did I make sense now?

[unaluna]

When I respond to a post, it's usually because I have a similar issue, so that makes me somewhat of an expert. And I consider the OP and all other responders as equally expert. We just all give different views on a subject, some others may not have thought of before. That's why I like other people's pretty much uncensored input. AND as many hugs and kisses as possible, I'm not shy!