Good things to remember when posting

I see your point yes. You are expert in what you have experienced, as we all are. However, if we speak to things we are not experienced in, that could be not so good, imo. There may be other experiences in the same disorder etc that we personally haven't known. But yeah, in what we have experienced, we sure can be expert in those feelings and results.

Some people just don't know what to say though, I know sometimes I am just happy with a hug.I think it just shows that someone has read and they care.

An old saying is "If you don't have something nice to say, then don't say anything at all!" What is "nice," though?

What if someone on PC is actually hurting his/her mental or physical health, but all the responders are afraid to speak up? They just agree with the person and pat him/her on the back. (I mentioned this issue earlier.) I do think about the story of the emperor who was actually naked, but everyone kept telling him how great he looked. Finally somebody said, "You're naked!" (general plot)

I wish I could think of a specific example, but I am at a bit of a loss off hand. I DO know that that concern has been raised about sites such as this one in general, in the context of possible dangers. I don't see it as a big problem on PC, though, I hasten to add.

I will share something I did lately. This account is one of the examples I mentioned about my "being blunt." I do apologize if I offend anyone. I will not mention names, and if you go on this forum, and look for names, then keep in mind that the experiences these people shared are not unique to them, so I am not "pointing fingers" at specific members. I surely don't want anyone to be embarrassed, including me! After all, I shared that I had gone through something similar as well.

The topic was on the "romantic feelings toward therapists" forum. As many of you know, it's not uncommon for us to form strong attachments to our T's. In fact, if we feel no "therapeutic bond" with them, then our therapy will not likely be as effective. For example, we'll be less prone to listen to what they say and be less open to their guidance.

At any rate, people were sharing about their strong romantic and sexual feelings toward T's, and some of them were really hoping their T's felt the same about them--and even didn't want to accept that it was unlikely. Some responders supported the people's hopes, even agreeing with them that something the T's said or did confirmed their desires. I spoke up and disagreed. (At least someone else did, too.)

From my training and experiences, I posted a thread about getting romantically and sexually atttracted to T's, reminding readers that, although it was understandable, it should not be encouraged, and in fact, it was unethical and therapeutically unhealthy for such a relationship to occur, etc. So, I definitely went against the flow.....However, I have been informed by T's I've told this account to that what I said was "appropriate." I concluded by saying that what I wrote was THE TRUTH, and there was no use arguing with me about it. And I stand by that---not to be discussed with me on PC.

So, I can see the need occasionally for someone to "tell the emperor that he is naked." On the other hand, we represent a broad range of perspectives here. I know what I believe about certain topics, world views, etc., so I just don't "go there." In fact, occasionally I've said to folks that "we'll have to agree to disagree."

I hope I haven't muddied the waters. I like to hear different people's thoughts on subjects, and sometimes I even learn things and get a different perspective. But these "discussions" need to be kept civil--on topic, without personal attacks and within all the other parameters that keep matters from getting out of hand.

I don't know about sarcasm being evil... for me if somebody cracks a joke, especially when it is a person who knows me... it has better effect on me than cyberhug


it's perfectly okay to not feel you have to comment on everything. AND if you don't think your view is going to be accepted, don't post it. Even when it's supportive, if it's taken the wrong way, then it really isn't supportive.

Uh, really? I guess I am hypersensitive to this (i-was-born-in-a-totalitarian-occupied-country-and-my-mom-sat-next-to-member-of-secret-police-in-her-office...). So we can resort to blanket "supportive" replies where nobody shares their secret experience and everybody is paranoid they may offend somebody. Result? Nobody is helped.

I have been told to "bugger off" or "why are you here?" many times. But I have recieved many messages where people thanked for posting my way. So, yeaaaaaaaaah, one cannot satisfy anybody. People are bound to differ in their opinions. I guess it is okay to hear few view points and decide what is good for you...

Maybe the key here is to try. Don't misspell on purpose.

there was a point about people for whom English is not first language. Speaking for this group, our issue is not spelling most of the time, but grammar and syntax. And oh, reading something with too many typos in it... for me as second language dyslectic posts that are severly misspelled are just too hard to comprehend. So at least try your best. We don't want grammar police here, but we should try to communicate our best. Because of the message is too hard to comprehend, many simply won't read.

Payne, it's a tough line to walk isn't it? I suppose it also for those who are expert in their disorder experience, to know where someone "is" and yet weigh whether sharing the truth is the best thing, or waiting until they are ready to hear it?

Yes, JD, T's have to make this decision, don't they? Is this patient ready to hear "the truth" yet? If not, then the major risk is infuriating or alienating the patient and perhaps having the patient quit therapy. I assume that T's often have their patients "figured out" in a relatively short period of time, but then have to bide their time through a number of continuing sessions with the person!

Regarding the spelling issue, I used to teach English (as well as psychology), so I do notice this matter. However, I have been known to make spelling errors, too. I agree that the issue is whether other people can understand what the person is saying.

I just love this hug smilie:

You actually gave me some really good advice in your very first reply to one of my posts JD. I admit it stung a little at the time, but it was good advice and I have frequently wanted to give the same advice to new posters but I have never figured out how to relay the message without the sting. This seems like a good place to pass it along.

It is very hard to read a post without paragraphs. I understand some of the younger people are used of texting, but posts without paragraphs, punctuation, spaces, and capitalization are very difficult to read and understand. I am by no means an English teacher, but the meaning an OP is trying to convey can get twisted around without these things.

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i gave myself a few days to boil over & then settle before typing...i really don't like being talked down too...or being told how & what i should be responding to posts ...

but what if i feel my post might be supportive? just because it does not meet your standards of being happy & smiley & huggy? what if i feel it might help to examine something from a different perspective? who are you or i to determine if a person is ready to be 'gently nudged to a better place?"

i am reading & posting because i want to..i came to this sight because of a need. i stayed because i felt it was interesting & hey i like the games. along the way i also enjoy responding to posts when i can as i feel i might be able to help others.

i do not have any formal psychological training but i would imagine that most of the posters here don't either. i only try to post what i feel might be helpful...not what i ego thinks i need...if that were the case i would go elsewhere...

that said..i have no clue what some poster is or is not ready to hear (read) from a post. neither to do they about me. basically if you post on a forum you open yourself up to a crap shoot of responses. some will be positive & helpful, others not so much. & trying to be tactful here...sometimes some responders here (myself included) respond when they are deep in the throes of an episode or adjusting to meds, depressed etc and responses are a little skewed.

you can not control that. by saying only post happy cheerful supportive posts is really kind of offensive to me...& not real supportive after all...because you are not offering good honest support. 30 people saying ((((hugs))) & is not helping the poster with their issue.

offer something firm...an option, a tidbit, shred of help..sure throw in some of the other stuff...but give the person something in the way of direction...& sometimes a little kick start won't hurt either.

& finally..yes your post made sense the first time...i had no problem understanding it...

Great post, stumpy. I agree with everything you said. sometimes I think I know where the poster is "coming from", they respond, and I find I was completely wrong.

Re the above quote - this is the best part of PC! I think (i hope?) we ALL automatically take this into consideration, and wholeheartedly support each other, just because we all know who we are, and where we are. I feel it when I post, that even if it's not the most perfect post, that I don't stand alone? That someone else will tell the OP, no, she didn't mean it THAT way, here is what I think she meant, or look at it THIS way. We are no longer HOME ALONE.

i would say a good thing to do before you give advice is to know "who" you are giving it to. someone in a sensitive state would not be good to give hard advice to, always be curtious to those in need

so i do not know where this "spell checker" is.. my computer dosnt have an automatic one like some do... and i dont see any underlining from this site. confused?

I'm not sure where the spell check thing is either. I guess it's one of those icon things right above.....

Here we go again--getting into an issue over a topic. Sigh. I understand what you folks mean about the frustrations of having to worry over every word we say when we post. But, didn't we just have an example of someone getting offended over what another person posted?

The truth, as far as I am concerned , is that we DO need to be cautious. I thought it was wise of stumpy to hold off on her response, for example. That's certainly a good guideline for posting.

We DON'T all know everybody here. We have many new people who join every day. What are they to think if someone responds to their question in an unkind way? People CAN "speak the truth in love."

We all also need to remember that this site generally consists of mentally-ill people, who ARE sensitive, and needy, and hurting many times. And, yes, sometimes "off" when we respond. That's why we have the moderators, to pick up on inappropriate posts. But these posts have to get read before they can be reported.

I perceive that the intent of this thread was to be helpful. I have learned a lot from it. However, I will NOT look at it again, since it is no longer helpful or healthy for me. Thanks to EVERYBODY for your responses!

I think some of the most important things to remember when posting are to NOT go out of your way to invalidate whole groups of people by posting something that questions the validity or "real"ness of their disorders, to NOT intentionally and specifically post something that could trigger or harm people in some way, and to NOT attempt to pass it off as supportive, when it really isn't.

Just sayin...

i did not mean who as in the individual. i ment like at least take two seconds to look at their profile, the about me's do explain things you might not previously have understood about their situation... idk that is just my opinion though, take it how you may.

I believe the spell checker is part of the browser you are using, not something PC provides. I was using Mozilla Firefox and started using Google Chrome and found I had to download the spellchecker for the browser.

The spell checker is the little ABC with a check mark icon in the upper right corner (directly above smilies). I have never been able to get it to work properly here, no matter what browser I use.

I don't have that ABC check icon for some reason. That's strange.

"We have some good support "rules" here and I'm trying to sift through them and the "unwritten rules of civil conduct" for organization".

JD - I immediately started thinking about what is going on in my workplace. Maybe some of it can translate to the primary question you have asked.

Something they are trying to teach us at work for when we communicate with customers -- It seems to come down to the idea of presenting a "positive" even if our answer has to be "no". It includes showing that we are listening, can empathize with and possibly offer an alternative idea that will help the customer. We don't have to agree with the customer (poster at PC) - but we can try to offer support and ideas.

We are required to respond to every customer the same day at work. That is not the case here in PC. But, if we can assist someone by responding because we have the energy and positive mental attitude to do so - how wonderful! Not required though.

I don't get hung up on spelling. Most of us can probably figure out what a poster is trying to write. I do appreciate when people break their posts into paragraphs - but also realize many are writing from their phones and it won't happen. I have figured out how to move their post on my monitor so I can break it down sentence by sentence.

I am not one to post a smiley to show I've read a post and I don't feel awful or guilty about not doing so. When I read a post and think I have something to share, I will do so -- kindly, sometimes asking more questions.

Those are my rules and so far they seem to be working. (At least, no one has written to me to say I wasn't helpful).

I don't think you are missing anything. I tried to load it yesterday for both IE and Mozilla and it failed with both browsers.