Age: Am I the only one who feels this way?

I think what Gus wrote is perfectly devine! I so agree with it!

LoveBirdsFlying

I think there is SOME truth in respecting our elders... but... one should be taught -- that respect is to a degree. Ifany human acts in ways that are NOT respectful then that person-- no matter the age-- should not earn respect from others. that doesn't mean as a child, he/she is given the free pass towards the adult to disrespect that person-- it should be that the child is taught to stay away from those adults that aren't respectable.

Maybe that lesson was not taught to you quite correctly? I'm sorry you weren't respected as a child-- you should have been! Every human deserves respect-- no matter the age-- BUT the behavior DOES matter.

"At what point will I be respected?".... I wonder to who you are referring this question?? your parents, aunts & uncles, perhaps cousins, your partner or your own children?
Today and everyday is the point at which you may receive respect. it can be your turn today, tomorrow and next year.
I think one thing to remember is that when we give respect (as adults) we are more likely to receive respect(not saying YOU haven't been)... and also-- it's a good idea to stay away from those that refuse to respect you after it's been kindly given to them.

I will never respect a person based solely on their age!.... I've seen way too much abuse/control from that mind set..... I've seen some senior citizens act far worse than many teens even!!! I'm with Gus on this one-- age has nothing to do with earning respect. It's the person that's inside that matters!

I'm sorry you were triggered with the feeling of disrespect.

best to you

fins

I have to agree here. And by validating person in their misperception we are doing more harm in the end.

It seems to be a trend on PC. A member comes into comfrontation they blow out of proportion and others "validate" them, that indeed, the other person is evil. We know people with issues tend to misinterpret things. I struggle with it. And las thing I want is to be validated when I am wrong, so I can go and wreck my relationships.

Now imagine, if you have been that nurse and made a comment you deemed as compliment (I would view it as "don't worry, there should be nothing wrong with the test", but I guess that that's just me...). The person complains about you. You are in trouble for some minor quip.

No, we do not own the earth and are not entitled to stomp out our respect by hurting others.

Our feelings are often our problem, our issue... others are not responsible in many cases.... and it is better to learn how to look at the situation from differnt point of view, to shrug it off, to try to think rationally. It is better for our functioning.

We must be the same generation, LovebirdsFlying. I still say "sir" & "ma'am." I've learned to distrust beliefs that fit on bumper-stickers, tho. "Respect your elders" implies that all older people merit respect based solely on their age.

You must know some elderly folks who are so hateful that their only joy & sole purpose is to make others miserable. This attitude is not exclusive to old people, but most of this type whom I know are older.

At the other end, children are not all angels. Many of them, if not actually mean themselves, do extremely mean things--especially to fellow children.

You ask when you will be respected. I don't think that's a matter of it becoming your turn. Generally it's people's actions that gain them respect. Are you so sure you aren't already respected?

Roadrunner

editing out, no longer needed

Ok I get it! I have been short all my life 5ft. I have gotten turned down for jobs,which is totally illegal. I have always been the cute little one as if I have no brains. I am so sick off shes so cute! Just one day I would like to be thought of as smart, intelligent, and attractive. O and I look young for my age one more strike against this 54 year old women!

About this trend you see on PC...
Who on the forums determines that a member has blown a confrontation out of proportion? Who determines when another's validation of a member needs to be qualified by calling it a "validation"? Who on this thread has called anyone evil? Since a site called PsychCentral can be expected to attract people with issues, that seems a given. If people with issues misinterpret things, who determines which of the things they bring to the forum are misinterpreted?

If I understand your post, you see increasing numbers of us being people who largely misinterpret things, blow things out of proportion, mistakenly validate each other, and see those with whom we disagree as evil.

I respectfully disagree. I believe the majority of the people on the forum are doing the best they can to help themselves & each other.

You have included your disclaimer that you struggle with it. I am sorry if any validation you have found here has caused you to wreck relationships. That would be such a loss.

I agree of course that our feelings are sometimes our problem. Other times they arise from a valid response to another's act or words. Distinguishing which of these applies is not easy. You suggest changing viewpoints, shrugging it off, or trying to think rationally. Would it surprise you to know that, for some of us, none of those three options work in all cases? Maybe any?

Please be patient with us. Just because some of us are slower than others doesn't mean our efforts aren't equally heartfelt.

Roadrunner

Just on the whole idea surrounding older people being wiser:

How many times have we looked back at things our parents told us and thought "they were right"? I know I have. I also think that in American culture that the aging are devalued, in fact in many ways historically aging people have been treated horrifically.

I do believe that age imparts a certain amount of wisdom that cannot be acquired in youth. There are many times I wish that I had the wisdom that I received solely from living life and get my 25 year old body back. But if I had to go back without taking the wisdom with me? No thanks

Absolutely, Strawberry. I see it all over Facebook statuses: "Remember when we were kids, and couldn't wait to grow older? What the hell were we thinking?" I know exactly what I was thinking. I wouldn't go back to being a kid again if somebody paid me a million dollars--because even if they did, my parents would just take it away from me. Kids have no rights.

Wisdom comes from experience, and experience takes time to acquire. Sure there are a lot of 13- to 20-year-olds who think they know just as much about life as their grandparents do, but they often find out later who's right.

And I'm still going to respect an 80-year-old just for living that long, I don't care what anybody says.

I find this thread interesting, how some feel a person should earn respect while others believe that in living decades that should earn respect.

.... I'll just say one more thing, which is not meant to be unsupportive-- I just don't see it in as "black and white" I guess....

what if the 65 or 70 or 75 year old raped a young woman in their past, or molested a child in their past, or severely beat their spouse and children-- that person should be respected just for making it to their 75th birthday?...
maybe I don't understand this all...

I do know that I held my step-grandfather in contempt till the day he died(at 78 years old)-- his abuse has had lasting affects on the family for generations....
no respect will ever be given to such a person from me--
just coz he's elderly.
maybe it's a sore subject for some from backgrounds of severe abuse, where being older or in authority was a demand of instant respect NO matter the behavior/abuse....
I can't respect an abuser-- no matter how old they are...
does that seem cruel of me?
maybe my heart is stone cold compared to your heart LovebirdsFlying.

fins

I'm editing my response here, because I don't like the tone I said it in. I hope it's not too late and that it was read already, but if so, I apologize, and here I'll respond much more gently. Most people are not criminals and abusers and rapists. I am talking about everyday, normal, healthy people in everyday, normal, healthy situations. I think part of recovery is to adapt ourselves to that world, rather than the dysfunctional and abusive worlds we grew up in.

Certainly authority can be misused, and people in authority should be held accountable for how they use it. But it's like my father said, when I once asked him how I can show respect I don't feel. He quoted what he had learned in the military. "If you can't respect the man, respect the rank." That works in most cases. I am not talking about extreme ones.

It occurs to me too that we may have differing definitions of respect, and differing ideas about what disrespect involves. A 16-year-old calling me "sweetie" instead of "ma'am," I think is being disrespectful whether disrespect is the intention or not. Perhaps the 16-year-old has not been taught manners, but I think that's rude. A well-meaning 70-year-old doing the same thing, I don't judge as harshly. Let me come across that 75-year-old rapist, and I'm going to call him sir and Mr., but I'm not going to like him or attempt to be friends with him. In those cases, the terms of politeness are also a way of keeping distance. My stiff posture, cold, steely eyes and unsmiling mouth will communicate whether it's dignity or distance I'm intending. That's sort of like a proper British butler saying, "And I bid you a good day, sir," in a tone that unmistakably means "Get out of here this instant," but it's said with manners that cannot be criticized.

And, one more thought. Someone said, we all deserve respect. It's DISrespect that is earned by our actions.

I can live with that. Can you?

Ok-- I think I understand now. I am seperating "manners" and "respect" as two different things.
The way I figure it-- I can have manners towards anyone and I strive to do that very thing .... but... "respect" is a bit different to me-- in definition is:

We may not agree on everything, point by point, but I think at this point we understand each other. In most ways I guess that's even more important.

Sure, I can live with all deserving respect, as I understand you to mean it. Not a problem.

Such a lot of opinions. Obviously, not a white/black issue.

awww hey stay strong and hang in there!