Sometimes, I really hate people (long, but please read)

I posted on another forum a couple of days ago about how I want to be a preschool teacher, and how my mom doesn't exactly support it/thinks I should be an elementary school teacher instead because I would make more money.

I made various points including but not limited to:

• I was raised in a middle class family, and my parents support me and will continue to support me in the ways they can, even after I graduate from college
• I expect help from my parents because they have said on multiple occasions that they believe if parents CAN help their children out, they SHOULD
• I am not at all academic, and therefore want to go to as little school as possible -- it was a chore for me to even make it through high school, and for awhile I was seriously thinking about dropping out, so the fact that I am now almost done with college (a BA) is a very big deal
• I have struggled with bipolar and OCD which has made getting through school even harder
• I would rather be happy with my job and make less money than hate my job and make more
• I have calculated out the costs and I know how much I need to make per year to live where I currently do, and what I would make as a preschool teacher would be enough
• Yes, I do have some sense of entitlement, but that's how I was raised
• I don't drive (don't even have a license), and I'm not planning on getting one unless it is absolutely necessary, so just from that, my expenses will be a lot less than many people
• I have supported myself before with no help at all from my parents...and on jobs that were both part time and paid less than $9/hour each

And here are some of the responses I got:

It's not my fault that my parents are well off and pay my way! They not only feel obligated to, but they also want to!

Not at all true. I'm a college student, in my college career, I have only seriously thought about 3 careers. That's not a lot at all.

I never said I don't care about money. I said that I would rather be happy than make a lot of money.

Never said it was easy. Said it was possible.

Been there, done that. I lived in an apartment with my friend for awhile on 2 part time jobs that each paid less than $9/hour.

Yes, I do have some sense of entitlement, but that's how I was raised.

Funny, since I never said I do poorly in school (I don't) -- I just said that I hate it.


Funny...I also never said that either.

I mean...really? Why are people so horrid?

SingDanceRunLife, I'm not sure whaqt you are looking for posting this.

On one hand you say you want to make your own choice about your profession, at the same time it's OK with you if your parents continue to support you finanically. If you want to be a pre-school teacher and can live on that income go for it. But it is unrealistic to expect your parents to continue to support you after you graduate. Hon, part of being an adult is supporting ourself.

Some of the things you said make me think of my husband and his parents. They continued to bail him out all his life. As a result he never grew up emotionally. I know they thought they were doing what was right, but they crippled him emotionally.

Decide for yourself what you want for your life. Then step up to the plate and take responsibility for those choices.

It's not unrealistic for me though. I have 2 older brothers who are 26 and 28, and my parents still support them financially in many ways. That's how my family is. I know that's not how a lot of families work, but that is my life, so please, don't say that it's unrealistic as a blanket statement. Sure, it may be unrealistic for you, but we are entirely different people with entirely different lives.

I guess we'll have to agree to disagree. I still believe that parents who continue to support adult children are not doing them any favors. As I said, I believe part of growing up is learning to support yourself.

A question for you to consider - what happens if one day your parents can not help you and your brothers financially? It happens to people.

A second question for you - why do you want your parents to help support you? I'm not asking to be obnoxious. I'm asking because I am trying to understand. I derive a great deal of pride in being able to take care of/support myself. I can not get my head around the idea of someone wanting someone else to take care of them.

It's not like I'm planning on having my parents support me. I am planning on supporting myself. But should I need assistance, I know that my parents will be there for me and step in.

LOL! My dear SDRL, parents can be soo unpredictable. They say one thing and do another. And are you planning on having a Significant Other, dear. God forbid, they don't like that person or you anymore. Or cut you off for some unknown reason to you. Or disagree with your choices and cut off your credit.

Or, sadly, pass away (and please don't write you are counting on their estate for support when they are gone)

I would encourage you to start looking after yourself and making an effort to become more independent financially and emotionally from your parents - and your brothers - or you are headed for a very rude awakening.

I am speaking from experience. It is NOT fun. My family is very wealthy. Having a sense of entitlement is fun until you get knocked down on your @** and have no lifeline. People and things don't last forever.

Best wishes to you. And best of luck.

I'm going to sit on the fence here because I think in some ways SDRL, you are right and in others I don't think you are.

Firstly, you say "Why are people so horrid?".
I'm afraid that is a fact of life. In any group of people, you are going to find some that you don't click with for reasons neither of you could ever explain. This includes when you're in work, school or wherever. I once had a boss that just didn't like me. He hardly spoke to me, ignored me when I asked for help and then gave me a crappy appraisal (as in a buck-up or be fired type appraisal). I can't explain why we didn't get along, but unfortunately, it's a fact of life.

Now, in your post you displayed a character trait that probably more likely to wind people up than others. You came across as privileged (as in "my parents will support me for as long as I need them to"). I don't think you really meant to, but you did. Many, many people have to struggle day to day, week to week to get through daily life. Their illnesses, circumstances or events in their lives have made every day a struggle financially. When they read your post, it touched a raw nerve and that is why you got the response you did. We would all love to have a safety net that we knew was there regardless of the decisions we make, but for some/most people it will never be there.

Hopefully that answers the question of why people are horrid.

Having said that, I would urge you to take a step back, cut through the nastiness and try to see the point they are trying to make. There is a pride to be had by standing up, becoming self-sufficient and surviving all that life throws at you. We all make mistakes and those that have a safety net are privileged indeed. Try to become self-sufficient. Think about that lower paid job and think "can I really survive on that? How much spare will I have to save for a mortgage? What happens if disaster strikes? Can I bring up children on that salary?" Do the same for the higher paid job and work out the differences. Eventually, we hope, you will have a partner and children. Do you realistically want them living on the lower income or would you want them to live a life close to your upbringing as you can make it?

There is more to life than money and being happy in your job is a huge advantage but you should want to be able to provide your family with everything it needs through all of life's ups and downs without relying on anyone else. If you can protect yourself, you don't need anyone else to do it. If you rely on someone else (even parents) there's a risk (however small) they'll not be able to help, and then you'll be up the proverbial creek.

I hope that makes sense. I'm not trying to have a dig, just trying to be a friend and give you something to think about.

There is a big difference in Salary between a pre-school teacher and an elementary school teacher???????? WOW!

I have the attitude that where there is WILL there is a WAY!

If you want to be a pre-school teacher, knock yourself out, go for it!

Know this, even if you begin to struggle financially, you can always pick up a 2nd job and not even have to fall back on your parents, that way you can avoid that awkward conversation of "hey mom/dad can I borrow $$$"...and since you have the summer off mostly you could bank some money doing other things...

I would simply thank your mother for her concern (because she is really just concerned) but you are choosing your avenue, and if that avenue does not work out well maybe in the future you will end up an elementary school teacher......ethier way the world does not end......i think your mom should be proud of where you are!

See though, I am privileged...I know and acknowledge that, and I am very thankful for it. But, by the same token, I don't think people should look down on me because that's how my life is. I didn't choose it, just like most people who struggle and/or are in poverty didn't choose that. Life deals everyone a different hand of cards, that's just how it is.

Yes, there is a huge salary difference. An elementary school teacher here makes about twice as much as a preschool teacher.

So what if you are priviledged??? What does that have to do with being a pre- school teacher????? I know your mom has an opinion but when it comes down to it you are not a minor anymore, you are an adult she has no control over what road you choose.

an actually yeah if you have a minimalistic lifestyle, you can make it on 23,000 a year being a single person...........

I don't go out much, whether it be to dinner or to bars/clubs (I haven't been out to a bar/club in over 6 months), go shopping quite a bit, but never spend much money (for example, last week, I got earmuffs and a skirt for only $5)...so I feel like I don't need a ton of money.

I say teach the pre-schoolers, if that is what you want to do. They need good teachers who want to be there. Some of the nastiness you have encountered from other people sounds like they are desperate to push your idea away from their feelings of "have to do what I am doing to avoid fear of the future". If you are confident, go for it. I'm all for working at what you really want to do.

I love little kids, and always have. Although my career ideas have shifted a couple of times, the one thing that has remained constant is my desire to work with kids. So I definitely think being a preschool teacher would be a good fit.