Hilarious story i read on facebook

I thought this was hilarious, I started crying with laughter. Please take a moment to read the whole thing.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart

Dear Mrs. Woolf,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Woolf, are listed below and are "documented by our video surveillance cameras":

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the
employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of
chips.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children
obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
Emergency Medics were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
here.' One of the Staff passed out.

I wonder if I'll have to go along on many more shopping trips?

thanks

Haha. You're right, that's hilarious. Thanks for sharing.

That was so freaking funny, I saved it to a text file (I keep humorous things like that). I also sent it via email to my boyfriend. There's a little devil on my shoulder daring me to do some of the things on that list.

I copied and saved that for family later. I would support the man. I have worked in similar retail stores and some of the things he did, we would just laugh it off, like the wet floor sign....lighten up people.

your all welcome. i thought it had to be shared to make people laugh. just glad it has

Well, there isn't really any need to lighten up considering this is one of those fake stories for entertainment. I can see people trying some of those though. I admit if I was in retail, and thankfully I'm not, I would probably be more annoyed than amused, unless he caught me on a good day. Most of what is described either gives someone extra work to do or causes a health and safety concern (presumably he moved the wet sign from an actual patch of wet floor to put it on the carpet).

omg you made me pee my self with laughing.

Today is going to be a very challenging day for me and I really needed to get things going with smile.

I realize being on the other end even of these faux pranks can be less than amusing and terribly stressful...however WalMart being what it is, suspending disbelief for even a few moments...it is not out of the realm of possibilty

hahahahahahahaha
thanks loki thats just too funny

Must resist temptation now. Thanks

Your all so...so.... Welcome. Im happy i could make so many people laugh. Even if this is a fake story for entertainment purposes i think its done its job im on ny way to my local supermarket right now... And a small part of me wants to try some must not give in to temptation lol

fantastic

Thankyou so so so much TheLokiWolf this brought tears of laughter to my eyes. I have not laughd this hard in years.

Oh thanks for posting! I laughed out loud.

I have a couple of friends who actually do stuff like this.

The one about the tents and asking children to bring him pillows doesn't sound like it could be true since I doubt that children would be so unattended.

But the others give me ideas.