Daily Comments #7- Just place to plant your thoughts. No feedback required.

Today was even worse than yesterday. I got all F's on my report at work after only working for 5 days and I was planning on quitting. Then I came home and found more bad news on PC. I started smoking again which I hate because I know it spirals me. It just keeps getting worse and worse.

So my parents didn't scream at me or gave me a hard time about quitting my job. My mom was being unusually optimistic about it, saying that I can take the bus or use a rideshare or ask my brother to take me to class. And she said that if I pass my classes, she'll pay me back the books. This is such a tremendous relief to know that I'm not being told to suck it up and deal with it, and that I can spend the next semester focusing solely on passing my classes. And of course, I can always look for a new job.

I am glad my pdoc was so cool today during my appt...I think I was projecting on to him lots of negative feelings I need to "redistribute"...even though I will never like psychiatry, or even the idea of, psychiatry as a profession.

I think I am about to unravel again.
I am in a desparate search for a female complanion and beginning to see that desperation is NOT the way to meet someone. LOL. Really?!?
Geeze I hate my head sometimes. I am my own worst enemy.

I will never be a great person or friend.

If my cat doesn't calm down at night I'm going to have to crate him at night. He is driving me insane! I use my squirt bottle to get him off of things and he just hops right back up. He knocks my pictures off the wall, tears through my fake flower bouquet on my desk, and constantly meows. I try to play with him a lot in the evening when I get home, and try to relax him, and sometimes he's ok, but lately he seems to be getting worse about it. I can't sleep when he's on one of his kicks. And when I do sleep and wake up, everything is a mess. I'm going to have to crate him. I was thinking of talking to the vet about it. He has plenty of toys to play with, the entire apartment to roam around, yet he chooses the same spots to jump on and heads straight for the pictures and flower vase. I've had to move other things to lower spaces so he didn't knock them off and break them. I can't put anything paper or rippable where he can reach it. I have lost several posters and calenders that way. I really don't know what to do other than crate him.

I am worried this is to good to be true but you like the dream comes true ..well whatever will be..will be ...

I swear, AJ makes a mountain out of a mole hill. He needs to turn that brain down a bit... Today is baby's 1 year check-up. SO AJ is like saying "why isn't the mama taking the baby"...He said you would think the mama would want to be at the 1st year check-up... Well mama works dear... ANd mama is lucky that she has her mother around to help her and grandma is taking the baby..

If AJ is so concerned, why doesn't AJ know the name of his son's baby doctor. Why don't you know where the doctor's office is. Why then, since you aren't working, go to the 1st year check-up.... WHy do you point your finger at others so much....... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr . Who made you perfect?

What's going on with all of these freak accidents?

San Francisco plane crash , Ontario train wreck, and now France's train crashed. All of them had casualties.

This is not the month to be using public transportation! O.O

(Me, saying goodbye to my son, online earlier)

Me: Hugs to (wife's name) and Anubis (new kitten) and all the other furry critters....(thinks about comment)....not that I am saying your wife is a furry critter (saved myself there)

There is no hope

I've learned that very few people trust me in this life, and it is truly frustrating. I am not incapable of making decisions for myself, okay?

I can't tell my family how unhappy I am. They don't hear me.

When a conversation begins with "I heard.... " I have the urge to slap somebody. Its funny how you work with adults yet the concept of minding your own damn business is stuck in infantile years.

This morning I couldn't find my keys, I started getting panicky, I had zero sleep and was so tired I felt inhuman. Anyway I thought I might have locked them in the car. So, on break I went to check my car , I completely forgot to let the team lead know I was going to the parking lot (stupid rule anyway). Anyway the security guard started to argue with me about it, being completely outside of myself and just worried about the stupid keys and tired I end up arguing back instead of just complying and I storm out to the parking lot.....it was something sooo stupid....I knew I was in the wrong .....my team lead just said for me not to do it again....end of file....

Later in the day a coworker with a condescending tone pulls the "I heard you were complaining about security" or something like that....and my response was no I never complained I was just panicking about where my keys were....if my eyes would have rolled any harder they would have fell out of my head......

Keys were in the ignition BTW with the door unlocked and they were in the on position ....lol slaps self

Need to apologize to the security guy....

Soup sucks the silly sauce secretly after sunset. o_o

I hate things that are better kept to myself, I have this need for people to know how I think and feel, likely because my thoughts and feelings have always been under the microscope.

But in the event I start having conversations with my profile picture, I'll probably be roaring drunk.

...Darn it!

I hate it when people are always criticizing me and telling me that i cannot meet up to their standards and expect me to be someone i'm not. i'm sick and tired of others telling me that i could have done better, like that one time in eighth grade when i failed to make like a parachute project for my eighth grade teacher. The teacher's aid told me that i could have done better and when she walked away i gave her a withering look. Why doesn't everyone tell me that oh I accept you for who you are and i don't care about how much you can do or like to do. Just be yourself. These words are more comforting than anything else. It makes me feel that I have done something right and makes me feel adequate.

I don't want to be told that I am doing something wrong. When i am told that I am doing something wrong, I am on edge. I just feel like guys quit criticizing me already because I am sick of it and because you are human too, you should not be saying these things about me. I want you to stop. Please, already. I am getting annoyed.

I'm just here to water DrSkipper's thoughts....

Can anyone see any difference in rain#1 and rain#2 ???

for 18 years of my life, i've been cowed and dominated by people in my life,whether authoritative or just anyone. I am not going to let this happen any longer. I will rise above it. If anyone dares to let me move forward, I am not going to stand by you. I am not going to resist you anymore. i am not going to be controlled anymore. I am tired of being controlled and I want an avenue of escape. Someone reach out their hand and pull me away from this all.

Yeah, uh uh uh

what is this?

I feel like I am deprived of my free will sometimes because people always try to make decisions for me. I'm telling you, I can decide for myself and there's no need for you to be the one to make choices for me.

Congratulations, you grew a flower!

And your flower came with a hug

And look, a note!


And attached was a letter!


And beneath that was a message,

Thanks for looking out for me Georgie
Thanks everyone for the support the past few days, you've been wonderful.

I don't seem to get why others have to be so stringent on me, like do this, do that. don't do this, don't do that. Get the heck out of my life, y'all. I don't need you.