[yellowted]

why is it that people who are far more physically able than myself ask me to help them do things. eventhough i know it will exhaust me i agree. yet when on the very rare occasion i really do need help the same people say they will help but let me down at the very last minute, too late for me to find anyone else so the thing i needed help with remains un done which means my whole week will now be messed up and i will have to wait till i find a new carer who drives before the thing i needed help with will get done!

I just wish people would stick to what they say they will do especially as they know it really stuufs me up when they don't as i only ever ask for help for things i physically am unable to do myself.

sorry for the rant but i am really fed up with able bodied people just taking from me yet expecting me to do everything myself

[spondiferous]

I'm sorry you're not getting the help you're in need of, especially since you give so much of yourself. Are these core people in your life? Is there anyone more reliable you can ask? I hear your rant, and I wish you the best in finding more reliable people to help you.

[yellowted]

thank you Spondiferous,

they are so called 'friends', i have no family contact at all, and only a hand full of friends, most are 'too busy' the rest let me down every time i ask so am totally on my own in the world. if i want something doing i have to do it myself or live without it being done.
you can be surrounded by friends but still be lonely if the friends are superficial or takers. I am not good at making friends as i find it hard to trust especially as all the friends i have had run a mile when i asked for help. i lost most when my partner was dying, the rest when i was first unable to walk so the ones i have are fairly new and are just out for me to help them with their problems. everyone sees me as a person who can stand on her own two feet and copoe with everything, only i can't even sit up unsupported and really would love someone to help me cope with things, i don't think i am asking for much, just a little help to get things i can't reach and take them my unadapted stairs for me.
the plan was a friend help me get some junk downstairs so the carer i have coming on Wednesday can do a dump run, only now i have a carer coming (who i still have to pay) and no junk ready for the dump. I know it seems trivial, but i need to get rid of the junk before my house can be adapted, until it is i have to pull myself up 15 steep stairs backwards to reach my bed and my loo/bathroom. i have been doing this every night for five years and my arms are really hurting and i am fed up having to do this. ultimately I just want my home safe for me to move around is that too much to want.
I suppose the saying i heard so often as a child 'I want never gets' is true!

[jadzea]

I agree with you. I have MS and find it very hard to bend over and pick things up, wash floors, walk and carry anything or walk fast. People that know me well drop things and wait for me to get them or walk away from me when we are out because I go so slow. I am ready to tell them to do things without me because it is getting too hard to keep up with their expectations. You think they could be more considerate.

[RedBarchetta]

Happens to me all the time it seems....
And some of the stuff they are asking me to do (and I go ahead and do it) one or more of my doctors wouldn't be too happy about (that's putting it nicely)
BUT as soon as I need some sort of help, I don't get it, or at least not when I really needed it...That gets soooooooo ANNOYING!

Perhaps if we all complained at the same time things might change?
Some how I doubt it...

[spondiferous]

Unfortunately a lot of people can't see past their own deal. I'm not really sure why that is. If I was there I'd help you. (Though I know that doesn't do you a whole lot of good...)

[yellowted]

Originally Posted by jadzea

I agree with you. I have MS and find it very hard to bend over and pick things up, wash floors, walk and carry anything or walk fast. People that know me well drop things and wait for me to get them or walk away from me when we are out because I go so slow. I am ready to tell them to do things without me because it is getting too hard to keep up with their expectations. You think they could be more considerate.

if you tell them to do things without you you soon will become even more isolated than you presently are. try not to feel guilty for going slow, try asking your friends how much time they have before you all go out and then explain you will not manage to get to.... in the time they have so would they mind going to ...(somewhere you will be able to manage in the time they have )
if you prefer try asking them if they are free for x amount of hours onwhatever day, if they reply yes they are only then ask if they want to meet up to go to wherever you have planned. that way you will know they have the time to go at your pace and if they go too fast you will find it easier to ask them to slow down knowing they have the time to
or try meeting them in the restraunt/pub/park etc so you can take your time to get there yet still meet up with friends to socialise.

[yellowted]

Originally Posted by RedBarchetta

Happens to me all the time it seems....
And some of the stuff they are asking me to do (and I go ahead and do it) one or more of my doctors wouldn't be too happy about (that's putting it nicely)
BUT as soon as I need some sort of help, I don't get it, or at least not when I really needed it...That gets soooooooo ANNOYING! ]

me too , the amount of times i am asked to help write a letter or proof read things is phenominal, yet I am severely dyslexic so can't read or spell! ( MY COMPUTER TYPES WHAT I SAY AND READS WHAT I HIGHLIGHT ) the other day i was asked to help look after a friends dog for a week, she said it is ok he will wake you up if he needs a pee in the night....i can't even turn over in my sleep and spasm for over an hour on waking up let alone get up bump down unadapted stairs into my wheelchair to let a dog out! she was quite offended when i refused to help!...her mum lives a few doors away from me, so why did she not ask her....because she didn't want her 50 year old ablebodied mum getting up in the night!

[Perhaps if we all complained at the same time things might change?
Some how I doubt it...

]

great idea, but i doubt it too
these people are so wrapped up in their own lives that they are oblivious to the needs and feelings of the likes of you or i so complaining to them will just wash over their heads and they will carry on as if nothing had happened, but i would still be up for giving it a try!!