[ptangptang]

I've started going to a camera club ( i'm a complete beginner) and 95% of the people there i would say are pretty profficient. The other night we had a 'flash and light' evening, ie things set up on tables and with lights off everyone had turns taking pictureswith diff lighting etc etc. Because i'm a beginner and feel a bit stupid anyway and because i get so self conscious ( even at 57) about being watched i didn't take any pictures. Still i have no problems talking to people and it was a night out so it was ok. That wasn't the thing.
I'm bi, not openly so only on here, but not bothered by it and if somebody said anything i would say yes i am. The guy who runs the club gave me a lift. We talk and he is very friendly. It's a friendly group. Two things he said set me thinking. 1) The lights were turned out and he said ' perhaps we should go in the toilets to carry on talking , but i wouldn't want to go in there with you'. 2) finding a chair to sit in a group he said to people ' i don't want to sit next to him' ( meaning me- What???). Both times were meant jokingly but ( to someone who has low self esteem anyway), made me think 'Why did he say that'. Other than that we get on fine. We talk about football, photography, whatever. I've never ever thought i come across as gay or effete' I want a full relationship with a woman but have certain sexual feelings for younger men. But do people think i come across as gay. Maybe i'm reading too much into it , maybe he was just joshing cos we support rival football teams and my team gave his team a good beating a few weeks ago. . Jeez, if i come across as gay i've got even less chance of finding a woman.

[Koko2]

It sounds like that guy said those things because he thinks your gay and he's at least somewhat homophobic.

[bronzeowl]

You could be reading too much into it. Or you could not.

I know that my sister and my brother poke at me in those ways, just as light teasing. It bothers me, but I know it's light teasing so I let it slide. I probably wouldn't from someone outside my family, of course.

There might be slight hints that you're bi, too. Some people seem to be rather... good at putting two and two together there. Though, I wouldn't be too worried about that. And if youare letting those slight hints show, I doubt it will ruin your chances at finding a woman. As most are not good at it. In my experience, at least.

[IndieVisible]

what Koko2 said. I would not let him get to you.

[Gingersnapsmom]

Because of my personality disorder, I'm pretty much hurt by some little thing anybody might say constantly. Well, I left a nursing program a few weeks ago for a million reasons and someone at the hospital where I work said "well now what will you do?" I responded with (although I thought it was nosey of her to ask of course) "I guess I will try to get a job using my bachelor's degree." She then said "good luck with that" in a way that implied I would never be able to. Yawp....I was tossing and turning off and on all night and am still thinking of it and it happened last weekend!

[ptangptang]

Originally Posted by Gingersnapsmom

Because of my personality disorder, I'm pretty much hurt by some little thing anybody might say constantly. Well, I left a nursing program a few weeks ago for a million reasons and someone at the hospital where I work said "well now what will you do?" I responded with (although I thought it was nosey of her to ask of course) "I guess I will try to get a job using my bachelor's degree." She then said "good luck with that" in a way that implied I would never be able to. Yawp....I was tossing and turning off and on all night and am still thinking of it and it happened last weekend!

Aw so sorry about that. That is exactly what i mean. Yeah people don't realise that what to them is a throwaway remark can be really hurtful to somebody else. But you got a degree so kudos to you.

[possum220]

Aww ptang.......personally I think what that person said was for his own amusement. He sounds like an idiot. From the times I have spoken to you here you sound very likeable and approachable. Never give up hope.

[ptangptang]

Thanks Possum. Have a gladi darling. Haven't spoken to you for a while. Hope things are ok. Pm me sometime. I like to think he was just joshing and i took it the wrong way but i'm really sensitive and its that sort of thing that would stop me going altogether. No he's not an idiot. He started a company with somebopdy else in the 80's that he said is now worth about half a billion £. Apart from those remarks everthings fine . They just came out of the blue. Oh well C'est la vie. Come on guys lets keep this thread going.

It sounds to me like the guy wanted to let you and everyone else know that HE "knows" you are bi or gay and HE is NOT. It may be more about HIM letting people know that he is NOT gay rather than a reflection of how he feels about you. I don't think he meant to hurt you but I can see how you would be hurt by his thoughtless comments. I would also guess that someone may have told him about your bi-ness. Gossip like that spreads like wildfire. But you did say that you were o.k. in telling people. Just know that there are plenty out there who are insecure about there own sexuality and need to go to extremes to "prove" they are a "real man". That's just my take on it. If you like this guy, I'd try to let him slide. However, if he continues with his "jokes", I think you'd have to have a word with him on the side letting him know his remarks are uncalled for and only make him look like a fool.

[ptangptang]

Originally Posted by Sadendings

It sounds to me like the guy wanted to let you and everyone else know that HE "knows" you are bi or gay and HE is NOT. It may be more about HIM letting people know that he is NOT gay rather than a reflection of how he feels about you. I don't think he meant to hurt you but I can see how you would be hurt by his thoughtless comments. I would also guess that someone may have told him about your bi-ness. Gossip like that spreads like wildfire. But you did say that you were o.k. in telling people. Just know that there are plenty out there who are insecure about there own sexuality and need to go to extremes to "prove" they are a "real man". That's just my take on it. If you like this guy, I'd try to let him slide. However, if he continues with his "jokes", I think you'd have to have a word with him on the side letting him know his remarks are uncalled for and only make him look like a fool.

Thanks for taking the time to leave a response. I don't want to let it make me stop going to the club so like you said if he says something again i'll have a word. I guess we all need to develop a thicker skin. Have a nice day.

[NWgirl2013]

I dunno about this. I think most people are so wrapped up in their own deal that they don't really pick up on stuff like this.

Or else I just mean me. I really don't pick up on stuff cuz it just doesn't matter to me. People are people. I probably miss all sorts of undercurrents out there!!!

I like your theory about the football match better. I also think there are people who don't really know what to say, so they say weird stuff just to have something to say. Like, they want to be friendly but don't have the skills...ya know?
Am I way off base here? I did just admit to being a bit naive or oblivious...

[ptangptang]

Originally Posted by NWgirl2013

I dunno about this. I think most people are so wrapped up in their own deal that they don't really pick up on stuff like this.

Or else I just mean me. I really don't pick up on stuff cuz it just doesn't matter to me. People are people. I probably miss all sorts of undercurrents out there!!!

I like your theory about the football match better. I also think there are people who don't really know what to say, so they say weird stuff just to have something to say. Like, they want to be friendly but don't have the skills...ya know?
Am I way off base here? I did just admit to being a bit naive or oblivious...

No i think you have a good point. Sometimes we all say the wrong thing ( i know i've done it myself) and it's only afterwards that you think' why on earth did i say that'. So perhaps thats all it was. I'd like to think so anyway.

[Plushy]

It probably was a throwaway comment. Even if it wasn't, it was an error on their side, not yours. I used to be a lot more sensitive to comments before I really started to think about it. I thought 'Do I really believe that this person's aim is to hurt me?' - most of the time the answer would be no and I'd realise that they had just phrased something ambiguously and would probably be horrified if they thought they'd caused offence. In cases where I'd concluded that the comment was intended in a negative way, I would think back to see if I'd done anything to warrant it - if not, I would distance myself from this person, as I don't welcome negativity into my world.

[JadeAmethyst]

My experience is the other person wants others to know their "on top" their insecurities.
There have been times that the other person wants to direct my attention to "something" but just isn't able to be direct, kind, and brief. Long stories, metaphors, rhetoric aren't kind IMHO. Once, long ago I took a communications class and one of the very first things the instructors said: "Avoid rhetoric at all costs." So, teasing, poking fun, "just joking" are all those things at someone's emotional, spiritual expense I have found.

Enjoy your class and be yourself, the guy sounds unreliable.

[ptangptang]

Thanks for all you responses on here. I've decided to go to the camera class tonight.no point cutting my nose off to spite my face, as they say. It's a rare night out for me so i'll just see how it goes. Funny how the little things can hurt the most sometimes though.

[possum220]

How did this night go at the camera club Ptang? Hope you had a good evening.

Yesterday I went to my craft group. I forgot the cardinal rule about being honest. No-one really wants to know what is happening. I started to tell on myself. Then another lady said. "We don't want to hear about that. We only want to hear good things".

Little sensitive me was hurt. I wish I had a thicker skin, but in that moment I was bruised. So part of me is angry/hurt. Wish I could learn to keep my big mouth shut.

[ptangptang]

HELLO POSSUM!!!!
My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet. She's now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia.”
― Dame Edna Everage haha.
Yeah i did go ( though like i said i was on the verge of not going again) and enjoyed it. It was judgement evening on the monthly competition. I didn't get anywhere of course but then so didn't one picture that i and quite a few others thought would be the winner. Shame this club is on the same night as two other groups that i wouldn't mind joining ( Astronomy and writing). We have a Christmas dinner coming up so that should be good.
AW so sorry that that person was so insenstive and like me you take things to heart. I wish we didn't but we do. Sometimes we can talk too much about ourselves and too negatively ( not saying you did) to strangers just for something to talk about and people don't like that. Some people on here i know, as soon as i start talking to them they are going to be negative. So you learn not to talk to them. So you need ( me too) to balance saying how you feel with asking people about themselves and being generally positive , even if you don't feel positive. That lady was very insensitive but then people can be . You and me need to develop a thicker skin. Easier said than done but don't dwell on it. Move on and maybe next time she might say something nice that will make your day. You never know.

[possum220]

Gladis Darling.............lols

Glad to hear that you went to the camera club again. Also having a good time is a bonus. Maybe the other groups will be an another night next year, or that something else will pop us for you to to enjoy. Nice to hear they are having a christmas doo too. Time for festivities.

Like you too I don't want to face this craft group again. I can do other things but I know it would be running away. I just want to crawl under a rock. I suppose I will get over myself eventually though.

[ptangptang]

Originally Posted by possum220

Gladis Darling.............lols

Glad to hear that you went to the camera club again. Also having a good time is a bonus. Maybe the other groups will be an another night next year, or that something else will pop us for you to to enjoy. Nice to hear they are having a christmas doo too. Time for festivities.

Like you too I don't want to face this craft group again. I can do other things but I know it would be running away. I just want to crawl under a rock. I suppose I will get over myself eventually though.

I think you should go. I know we sometimes need an excuse not to do things but we are social animals and need to get out among other people. We just need to learn how to deal with 'em.