My 19-year-old nephew has recently moved in with us. This morning over brunch, the three of us were talking about the change in lifestyle I experienced when marrying my husband, and how lifestyle is so different now for my nephew as well.

Our family had been dirt poor. My husband has never been anything other than middle-class. He doesn't know what it's like to have to rent a cheap, run-down apartment instead of owning a home. He has never stayed in a shelter or had utilities cut off for lack of payment. He has always kept at least two vehicles in running order, stating that if something does happen to one of them, he'll still be able to get to work. When something breaks down, he fixes or replaces it as soon as he can.

But this morning he observed that his income only covers necessities, not luxuries. My nephew and I both found that amusing. We began to point out how many things around the house would have been luxuries to us. The fact that there are two cars. The home computer and printer, plus a laptop, and a paper shredder too. The fact that we have a house large enough to designate one of the bedrooms as the home office, while my nephew has his separate room, where he pointed out he has an allergy filter and his own mini-fridge and TV. We have a total of three televisions in the house, and a DVD player. Heck, even the microwave and the dishwasher would have been luxuries for me, not ten years ago. While we're on the subject, when my husband and I first met, I had no washer and dryer at home, couldn't afford a laundromat, and was washing my clothes in the bath tub with a plunger as an agitator. Before moving in with us, my nephew had been living with his dad in a house with no running water or electricity. (That's dad's personal lifestyle choice. He could afford it if he wanted it.)

By "luxuries," my husband meant things like a hot tub or a sauna or a swimming pool. We've had a few discussions about how to my family, he appears to be very rich, while to him, it looks like he's only covering the basics. My nephew and I both feel like we're in the lap of luxury as it is, with everything my husband provides. (Which nephew does not take for granted or feel entitled to, mind you. He is out job searching right this minute, even as I type.)

What, to you, makes the difference between a necessity and a luxury?

[LaborIntensive]

The have' s and have not's in the world. Unless you have done without it is impossible to appreciate the material possessions you have. I have been on both ends of this several times. I think that although I have been in deep debt for over 10 years that I am not as poor as many in the third world. My life is luxurious my that measure. I have also had to live out of my car for several months which really puts this in perspective.

During my childhood I experienced being poor enough to be renting and relying on food banks in order to eat, but also being in the upper middle class with the in ground pool and no money concerns. It was due to some major financial blunders my parents made that wiped out all their savings.

As an adult I live pretty simple. I made the crack a while ago about how you know you're doing well if you've got purple lettuce for salads and two types of cheese.

I would view new clothes, cable, a personal vehicle, going to a hair stylist, and "treat" foods to be a luxury. Basically anything that I don't really need to get by.

[Raging Quiet]

Thank you for sharing your story. My luxury is good health at the moment and the health of my family/friends.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

To me, you've already answered your own question, by the very definition of the words! xD

Personally, I consider the following things of mine, to be a luxury:

• I'm alive.
• I have all my limbs.
• I can see.
• I can hear.
• I can smell.
• I can feel.
• Food, and the ability to go out and get "the good stuff"; well, I wouldn't waste money on excessively "good" stuff, but like, ... I don't have to worry too much about the price of food, although I still do out of habit. ¬_¬
• I don't have some horrible disease. (mental-health aside!)
• I have my dad, who loves me very much.
• My best mate, who's like a brother to me; I've known him for 8 or so years.

• I have a fancy-pants computer, monitor, and other related gear.
• A HTC Desire S phone that was once worth around £200. (incidentally, I've had it for over 2 years and it's STILL in mint condish! How's that for looking after your gear? :P)
• I have 5 guitars. (having just one is pretty awesome, to me; granted, you can get them cheap, but a good one can be a little different)
• I had a 32" HD Ready, flatscreen TV, which I was able to just give to my dad; the TV alone was a luxury that cost me a couple of hundred or so.
• I have an XBOX 360, which I don't even use! That's luxury, to me ... having nice things you don't even use.
• A savings account, that actually has money in it! Heck, just having a couple of bank accounts feels pretty nice. (I was late to getting one, ... early twenties before I finally was able to get one)
• Very much a luxury to have government financial support so that I can actually have the money that I do; I should probably see this as I'm entitled/expected to have it, but it still feels like some mad gift, even 3 years later.
• A bedroom, filled with stuff I've collected over the years, ... unlike when I was very young, when I was lucky to have a bed and some paper to draw on.

I'm always trying to appreciate what I have. It's easy to think about what we don't have, but if we don't appreciate it, then I think we just don't deserve it. Sorry, by the way, if any of this seems as though I'm showing off or whatever, ... I assure you, I am far from that sort of person, ... while I'm glad I've got cool toys and working limbs, I don't think I'm God's gift because of it. After all, ... still got a ****ed up head. |: I'd like to think I've earned what I have in aggro from many years of MH alone.

[waiting4]

Growing up (until I was about 10) my family was upper middle class--i.e. steak once a week, regular vacations in summer and spring etc. Then my mother inherited a great deal of money from her father, divorced MY father, and we moved to Savannah.

When we arrived, she bought a new house and all the neighbor kids thought we were rich. I hadn't known anything different, nor anyone else who wasn't like me, so I just thought we were average. In about 3 years, my mother had drank thru every penny she inherited.

We lived, for years on biscuits and beans...and starting from the 7th grade, I never ate lunch at school because she was too embarrassed to get me on the free lunch program. I went to the library instead. (which wasn't a bad thing really...learned a lot and fell in love with history). Things remained fiscally sketchy until I was 18 and moved away from home, after getting a job. The idea of luxury was buried under the humiliation that I had taken any 'luxuries' for granted.

Now for me, a full pantry, refridgerator and freezer is a luxury (of course I have almost a phobia about eating anything I put there because I'll have to replace it), a warm bed to sleep in, and my health. Oddly enough, I remember being 8 years old and as I snuggled down into my bed, being so very grateful that I HAD bed to sleep in. Humility did not prepare me for being homeless at 36 for a year.

Now, I take nothing for granted, ever.

Originally Posted by waiting4

Now, I take nothing for granted, ever.

Agreed. A necessity is the bare-bones element needed for survival. Other bells and whistles, including my shampoo, is a luxury. There are people who are surviving without, and in a sufficiently dire situation, I'd choose staple foods over shampoo any day (and I say this as someone for whom hygiene is of the essence).

[yumi]

Being truly 'heard' is a luxury to me.

[cool09]

Eating a good meal and having a good blanket and bed to sleep with.

[-jimi-]

There are no necessities. It's not necessary to be alive.

But the standards to feel nice and pampered... I really like indoors plumbing, electric, radiators and running water. Maybe because I have lived without.

But at the same time I feel mentally better when I'm in my second home (which is a luxury), even if it comes with an outhouse and well water. Does have electric though and I must say it makes a huge difference in comfort. You don't have to worry about light, you can have a computer if you like, you can cook on a stove and heat dish water.

Since I was a solitary child, I don't feel it was a luxury to have my own room, without it I would have gone insane. Also I've always had cats, and I can't see my life without cats so I don't see them as luxury either.

So depends on who you are I guess.

I still lack what most people in my country have. I don't own a car. I don't have a freezer. I'm renting from a slum lord that keeps upkeep to a minimum like I had no shower for 2 months and something is always broken. He doesn't heat to a comfortable temp in winter. We have a common laundry room that is always booked. My clothes are like half a decade old, my comp is 10 years old bought used, no smartphone, no cable TV, no budget for haircuts, whole meats, fish, eating out, vacations abroad.... People these days have so much. And most of it is junk! They don't even have the brains to get something good for their money! Like "I had to have this lamp even if it cost 300 dollars". Seriously????

I still have more than necessities.

Oh yea... and if you happen to have bar soap and no shampoo, you can wash your hair with that if you also have a slightly acidic rinse. Like if you happen to have apple vinegar, a tablespoon in a cup of water is a good rinse that will make your hair less course, because it neutralizes the alkaline from the soap.

And yea, it wouldn't bother me one bit if I suddenly got filthy rich.... Ha ha!

[healingme4me]

Having a dishwasher, would leave me feeling like I was living in heaven and luxury...still have yet, to live in a home with one. Just grazed past homelessness, this past month.

When I was on disability and living in subsidized housing, I didn't get enough food stamps to buy a whole month's worth of groceries. So, around the third week of every month, I was down to eating maybe a bowl of ramen noodles once a day. To stretch it out as far as I could, I learned to make all kinds of things out of flour, oil, and milk. I made my own tortillas and bread sticks. If I had eggs too, I could make biscuits and gravy, which is actually flour, oil, and milk in two different forms. I soon realized as long as I had that much in the house, I wouldn't actually starve. Survival tip: It's cheaper to buy ingredients than it is to buy food, and put it together yourself. However, this kind of starch-based eating isn't real healthy if you're diabetic.

[-jimi-]

I must admit I have a dishwasher. It is the only household equipment I bought new and I saved up forever. Why you may ask.

I have ADD and I'm so so so messy. Just getting dishes out of the way makes it possible to clean. If I didn't have it I would live in a dump. Not a necessity but IMO my dishwasher helps me the way my meds help me.

[TheOriginalMe]

Being happy is a luxury, I encounter it so rarely but when I do I value it much more than stuff. I am surrounded by stuff that I don't use or need, I just like to have it beacuse it makes me feel more "normal". Most of my lifestyle is a luxury even though I live in a run down house with plaster falling off the walls and holes in the carpet. I know I am lucky to have sanitation, clean water, warmth, food, healthcare, education. Anything else is a luxury.

[JadeAmethyst]

Luxuries, are when i can feel at ease inside my own body, and appreciate my own gifts and share them.

Not being in physical pain (I have sore joints, undiagnosed reason) is a luxury. I appreciate the rare moments of freedom

[medicalfox]

A full fridge and pantry is a luxury to me along with good health.

[Raindropvampire]

What, to you, makes the difference between a necessity and a luxury? Food, shelter and clothing are my necessities. It doesn't have to be food I like just something to survive on. The shelter can be a car, closet or whatever as long as it keeps me out of the elements. Clothing as long as it's weather appropriate I'm happy. Anything above and beyond that is a luxury.

[SeekerOfLife]

For one thing, having enough money to get my hair cut.

[northernscum]

My luxury after spending time in developing countries would be the basic necessities of life.

[MuseumGhost]

Yeah, it's a fine line...and definitely strongly influenced by personal experience, for sure!

Luxuries to me are anything that make you feel indulged, and maybe a lil bit spoiled. But I feel pretty good, today.

Ask me another time, and I might say, like others did, that it would be a luxury to feel GOOD, to have my bills paid, to feel more in control and healthier, above all.

A luxury for me is having a little extra money to buy something for myself for a change.

Two vivid memories from my childhood-my father, no matter how tired he was, read to me every night. Not fairy tales. All the wonderful classics. When I wrote my first story at six, he told me God had given me the gift and it was my obligation to use it. He died when I was 10.
(I want to share something about writers. For most of us it isn't about money, or fame or attention. It's about the story. If I can make someone laugh or smile or recall a good memory or make them think-then I have done my job. And my n key is sticking so excuse that. Keyboard must be retired soon)
My olther memory is about the toaster. We lived in the tenements in St. Louis and cockroaches were a way of life. You had to turn the toaster on twice. The first time so all the roaches would run out of it-the second time to toast the bread. And when you turned the oven on! It was like a scene from Exodus.
But even at the worst-being homeless, being cut off from my family-forever-because I was crazy, I was still better off than 9/10s of the world. I've always lived at the poverty level or below. My luxuries now-
finding great clothes at the thrift stores or the charity places. My home is basically furnished from those places and I love it.
The hairdresser, new shoes, really nice spices. and the ultimate-a pedicure! Once you reach a certai age, twisting your body into all those convaluted positions is just not feasible anymore.
God knows I am greatful for my home, my health, the VA, etc.
And the thing I am most greatful for tonight? That I found all of you.

[possum220]

Luxury is having a warm bed, a warm shower and having a roof over my head.

[Mike_J]

Luxury is when you are deciding what to have for dinner you pick what you are hungry for not just have what leftovers in your fridge are about to go bad.