"Too good."

I've heard that phrase thrown around a lot, and even though I've been on the receiving end of it often, I'm just as guilty of that way of thinking as anyone else is. I probably won't say it out loud, but I will tend to think it, unless proven otherwise.

Let's say someone has social anxiety or poor self-esteem, or is just plain introverted. So, they keep to themselves. If they live with family, they stay in their bedrooms a lot. If they live on their own, they're home all the time and rarely go out. They don't talk much to others. At school or work, they seek out empty tables in the cafeteria, and eat alone. They don't participate. They don't like to be on a team. They sit on the sidelines and watch, and if they are invited, they won't join in the game.

People tend to jump to the conclusion that there is TOO MUCH ego involved, when it could very well be not enough. I've heard it said exactly like this: "Well hey there, Miss Stuck Up and Unsociable. Why don't you come over here and join us?" It's said in a jesting manner, but it does show the assumption. The people in question have two choices: Join the others and have a major anxiety attack, or have them all say among themselves, "She thinks she's too good for us."

Maybe they've been punished too harshly, too many times, for being imperfect, and now they're afraid to commit any kind of social faux pas whatsoever. Maybe they imagine everyone is staring at them and judging them. Maybe they're afraid of being yelled at if they drop the ball, or laughed at if they fart out loud or something. In my experience, I've had people ridicule me for thinking I'm above the others, "too good" to join in the game, so I go ahead and play, only to have them be furious with me for playing it horribly and making my team lose. Well, that's why I didn't want to play in the first place. Right?

But I am guilty of that assumption myself. I recall a woman in a certain therapy group. After we completed our written assignments and were taking our turns discussing what we wrote, when it came to her, she'd always pass. "I don't want to share mine." And my automatic thought was, "She thinks she's too good to spill her guts like the rest of us." I was wrong to think that. It's more likely she has some kind of social anxiety and can't speak in a group.

So why do we automatically think "too good"?

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Ah, interesting. I think, maybe in the past I've had that said to me, but I've certainly not thought it. I can't fathom a reason why I would think someone with a mental health disorder avoiding doing something related to their MHD would be "too good" for said activity. I might joke about it, sure, I'm a jesty sorta guy, sometimes, but there'd be no truth in it, that I can currently imagine.

Maybe those people think "too good" because they secretly don't want to do X thing, ... maybe they are jealous that we can actually have the balls to say "You know what, I can't deal with that, and so I won't do it." Maybe that's where it comes from? Just a random shot in the dark.

still feels like a fake when doing something functional and healthy.

Tell me about it. >.< It's like "Oh, so I can go out, today, that must mean I'm fine and maybe it's all a lie, maybe it's just made up nonsense, maybe I'm completely fine, maybe I'm using the goverment?!" lol and so on. Drives me crazy. Unless you meant something different, in which case, nevermind. xD

^No, you're right on target.

Or, when I'm doing something healthy and functional, I tend to think THAT is the fake part of me, and I'm putting on airs, and the real me is incompetent. Who am I trying to kid, thinking I'm as good as anyone else?

Which in a way ties to the original subject. I recall in high school, when I lived with my grandparents, my umbrella blew apart in a strong wind. I threw it away. A replacement would have cost maybe $5, which even in the 1980's wasn't a whole lot for a working-class family. The next day I found it on my bed, after my grandmother had pieced it together with black electrical tape. As if I was really going to carry that to school! It looked hideous! And the sentiment would be, if I had given voice to my reluctance, "What, are you too good to have your things repaired, and maybe look a little bit ugly? You have to have them replaced brand new and pretty? You're some kind of princess or something?"

Similar thinking: "So what if your socks don't match? They keep your feet warm, and that's what socks are for. Here, I bought you this coat from the thrift store. I know it doesn't quite fit you, and it won't button across the chest, but it's better than freezing to death. What, are you too good for a second-hand coat?" Understand that my grandparents could afford new socks, or a coat that fit me, but they were making a statement. I guess they wanted to teach me I wasn't "too good," and if anyone laughed at me because I was wearing mismatched socks and an ill-fitting coat, "Never mind what others think." I also heard their gossip about others. When a friend wanted to buy a new mattress and absolutely would not buy one used (you never know who or what might have peed on a used mattress; I understand) there were snide under-the-breath grumblings of "She's too good to buy a used mattress." It can be the same for someone who won't buy generics or cheap knockoffs, but insists on buying higher quality even if it is more expensive. "She's too good to buy generics."

Just plain envy, maybe? But then when a person is extremely shy and doesn't want to go out around people, we make the same assumption: "She thinks she's too good."

[healingme4me]

Good thread. I've heard that, when my ex, then husband and I moved from city to town. It was logistics, but his family was like that.

It can come from a chip on shoulder, feeling of inferiority.

I'll never forget one conversation with my mom, when on the fence about divorce, oh you think you are better than me? :Eek: gawd no, my decisions need to be conscious clear, for me to sleep better at night, not for some snotty reason.

The mattress, would sound better, well it's your extra hundreds, spend more, if you want. (Personally, yeah, that's a new bagged item, thanks)
Socially, well...why not be more inviting, maybe they are shy? Maybe, like many, years long inside jokes are right over my head...example. I proceed with caution in new social settings. ..

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