[Lefty_Mac]

if you seek the few 8 or so posts i've made here, mostly in my introduction thread, you'll see i'm a bpd sufferer. i started a website/blog/record review/music/sex/life/personal talk/etc just two days ago and if you guys chck that site too, you'll find out that i'm happy.

i'm happy.

for the first time since 3 months. no meds, no nothing.

i'm happy.

[Lefty_Mac]

it's seven forty seven am here and yet, i'm still, happy. sure, took my concerta 54mg of the morning and two 75mg venlafaxines about 15 minutes ago, but miracles don't happen with medcine. I think I'm going back to the site. now i'm calmer, happy, but not that much - just happy happy. not HAPPY. listening/watching rockshow in 5.1 and i'm not annoyed at ''long and winding road!!''
to my felow bpd-ers, i believe there's a way out. it's not suppressing the bad, it's focusing on the good. my father used to listen to that song drining wine and smoking dunhills crying in the dark at the guest room. then he went to the bedroom and the cussing fest would begin and i'd go bang on the door for them to stop.

and i just said that and i'm coping with it. yes, i'm happy.

[Blue_Bird]

Glad you're doing good

[glok]

Congratulations, Lefty_Mac.

[BeaFlower]

I'm happy that you are happy

[gayleggg]

That's Great, Left_Mac!!!! I'm so happy for you.

[Lefty_Mac]

WHOA again. couldn't decided between calm, hopefulore sleepy but went with sleepy as I'm calm, hopeful but sleepy - I blacked out with the computer in my lap, and didn't lose anymore than 40% of what i was doing in the website as it seems. add 'confused' to that too but that's just the exhaustion of a couple of sleepless nights. add 'determined' cos my mother woke me up passed out here in bed all contorted (ouch my shoul.der) with the computer almost falling down and the constant loop of the dvd menu of 'rockshow' playing endlessly - i passed out for six hours and can't remember a thing. alll that after a mammoth 54 mg conccerta and 150mg of venlafaxin...and i've got a rescheduled therapist appointment for today in one hour 20 minutes - thasnk goodness for ma being late to go to the hospital...she even made me my two morning h&c sandwiches, that beautiful creature...

so yeah, things seem to be looking up although i can't help but having the nagging feeling it might all collapse in a second. now it's some more leisure on the internet and 'get ready to go' - that is, put on my pants and shoes and grb my stuff and go - yes it's been three months i don't look in the mirror, i avoid it on elevators and just see the passing glance of me being bearded - though i can tell that's not too much. my bathroom's mirror's been covered with a towel and duct tape and i don't plan on removing it any time soon...it seems the less i look in the mirror, the better my shrink and therapist say that my semblance is - go figure.

but yeah things are looking up. i may now change it to hopeful now that i'm more coherent and washed my 'face'....

[buzz bee]

Originally Posted by Lefty_Mac

WHOA again. couldn't decided between calm, hopefulore sleepy but went with sleepy as I'm calm, hopeful but sleepy - I blacked out with the computer in my lap, and didn't lose anymore than 40% of what i was doing in the website as it seems. add 'confused' to that too but that's just the exhaustion of a couple of sleepless nights. add 'determined' cos my mother woke me up passed out here in bed all contorted (ouch my shoul.der) with the computer almost falling down and the constant loop of the dvd menu of 'rockshow' playing endlessly - i passed out for six hours and can't remember a thing. alll that after a mammoth 54 mg conccerta and 150mg of venlafaxin...and i've got a rescheduled therapist appointment for today in one hour 20 minutes - thasnk goodness for ma being late to go to the hospital...she even made me my two morning h&c sandwiches, that beautiful creature...

so yeah, things seem to be looking up although i can't help but having the nagging feeling it might all collapse in a second. now it's some more leisure on the internet and 'get ready to go' - that is, put on my pants and shoes and grb my stuff and go - yes it's been three months i don't look in the mirror, i avoid it on elevators and just see the passing glance of me being bearded - though i can tell that's not too much. my bathroom's mirror's been covered with a towel and duct tape and i don't plan on removing it any time soon...it seems the less i look in the mirror, the better my shrink and therapist say that my semblance is - go figure.

but yeah things are looking up. i may now change it to hopeful now that i'm more coherent and washed my 'face'....

Wonderful feeling

[Lefty_Mac]

indeedly wonderful. i wonder when it will end. i told all the events from my last appointemnt- this monday to my thersapist and was dozing off, and he thought i had a HUGE boost of progress this time around, and that I'm finally starting to come outm of my 'cocoon', as i've put it it to him and he likes to quote. thing is - i've been home since an hour ago after coming straight from him cos i was dozing off over there; i thought i'd hget home and get some sleep so my mood would be tired, or sleepy, but check it out now... i just finished my second page of my website and am now nicely listening to a record again. just chilling. relaxed. tired, but relaxed, relieved and still happy....i'll give that the benefit of the doubt.