[Marshellette]

I posted an ad on Craigslist, looking for a private room and a guy responded. He is 36 and I'm 27. I was a little dismayed that a GUY responded and that was about all that responded. He said he has a huge house in just the part of the city that I wanted to live in but I'm scared to move in with a guy. I can just imagine how awful it would be if he heard me pee. And what if he hits on me? Hopefully he is a well behaved roommate It could be my dream house though. Naturally, I want to do a background check on him. He lives there ALONE, do you think it is safe to move in with him, with me being a girl and him a guy?

I've had male housemates when I was younger. One I knew. One answered an ad and one I answered an ad. At one point I was the only girl with two guys. It's fine. There were no friends with benes or anything like that. If you are shy around guys this would be a good way to get to know one without the relationship complication.

It doesn't sound like you have been to the house? Bring a forien and check it out. Use your gut. Perhaps go to coffee to get acquainted. Talking about stuff like handling bills, refridge, guests, rent will tell you a lot. The stuff about peeing... Everybody pees. When I was looking for a place years ago I visited one house and I knew pretty quickly something was wrong. I could have been wrong because there were signs in the house that I could have mis read but I went with my gut anyway.... Hah... And got a female roommate who was a nightmare!

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[vondohlen]

I don't see anything wrong with it. But make sure you do that back ground check on him first. There are a lot of bad people in this world. Listen to you insects, if you feel its not right then don't. Better be safe then sorry.

[LiteraryLark]

Craigslist is shady as ****. I wouldn't worry about him hearing you pee. I'd worry about him raping you, drugging you, using drugs in the house, making drugs in the house, bringing over shady people and partying all night long, maybe he's mentally ill, maybe he has a short temper, maybe he's a sex offender, etc etc

Craigslist is sketch. I wouldn't move out with someone I don't know.

Craigslist is not shady. There are people that are shady but most people use it just like you used to use want ads in the newspaper. That's why I suggested bringing a friend and going for coffee. I've sold and bought items on Craigslist. I sometimes look for jobs and gigs on craigslist. Follow safety guidelines and don't be stupid. Just like if you walk in the city.

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[Marshellette]

Originally Posted by DrSkipper

Craigslist is shady as ****. I wouldn't worry about him hearing you pee. I'd worry about him raping you, drugging you, using drugs in the house, making drugs in the house, bringing over shady people and partying all night long, maybe he's mentally ill, maybe he has a short temper, maybe he's a sex offender, etc etc

Craigslist is sketch. I wouldn't move out with someone I don't know.

Couldn't that be your roommate whether you found the room on Craigslist or in the newspaper?

[hannabee]

I be more concerned about him spying on you...with web cams and everything.... too creepy for me!

[misskrome]

That's a red flag for me, personally. I suggest before being rushed into any decision as big as moving residence, do as much research on this person as you can. Listen to your gut feeling. If a guy responded and was a little too eager about it, likely he will, at some point, try to get up your skirt. Not saying he will. He may turn out to be a perfect gentleman. If it were me, though, I would get to know this person very thoroughly before moving in. Do a credit check if you can to let you know how reliable he is with money and bill paying. Criminal BG is recommended, too. Being overly cautious can really come in handy and prevent future disasters.

If you end up moving in with him, first things first: Right up front tell him no funny business and mean it. If he becomes defensive, then you have your answer about his initial intentions. If he respects that boundary then you're good to go. Ask him if he parties, drinks, uses, etc.

Living with a dude is nothing if you know him well. I live with my best friend and he's a dude (40). We've known each other for almost a decade and have lived together for half a decade with little problems. Don't worry about him hearing you pee. Everyone pees. Everyone farts, too. My roomy and I have contests. I know, gross, but it's fun, and I'm thankful that we both can just relax and not give a damn.

Honestly, if you're very worried, that could be your intuition telling you something. Get to know him well, first, like hang out as acquaintances for a year or so. But no. I would never move in with someone I just met and know nothing about.

Also, just to add: try other options. Since you're taking the online approach, talk to many different people who are looking for room mates and see which ones you feel more comfortable with.

[Rapunzel]

I wouldn't. If you don't feel right about living with a guy, you need to honor that. Maybe he has nothing but honorable intentions, but if he doesn't, you might not know until too late. I think it is suspicious that he answered your ad, especially if your ad stated or implied that you wanted to live with girls.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Originally Posted by DrSkipper

Craigslist is shady as ****. I wouldn't worry about him hearing you pee. I'd worry about him ****** you, drugging you, using drugs in the house, making drugs in the house, bringing over shady people and partying all night long, maybe he's mentally ill, maybe he has a short temper, maybe he's a sex offender, etc etc

Craigslist is sketch. I wouldn't move out with someone I don't know.

You do realise that you posted that on PsychCentral, a website primarily for the mentally ill, right?

I'd worry about him ****** you

For some, saying something like that (in general, no less) can be very triggering.

[Citrine]

Do you have gumtree? thats a bit better. Can you search `house shares' or `spare room' see what you come up with. Ive heard Craigslist is a bit dodgy.

House sharing is hard you need to match up well. Take your time but dont dismiss your opp gender. Interests and routines are more important than gender. Unless you specifically want a girl because you dont want to feel uncomfortable around a guy.

I see way to many **potential** negatives that outweigh any positives. He may be a saint, but I would NEVER want my daughters in that environment.

Put a posting at your church or limit it to a certain gender and age range. This is your HOME you are inviting them into. Be picky.

Just my opinion.....

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by Zwangsstörung

You do realise that you posted that on PsychCentral, a website primarily for the mentally ill, right?

For some, saying something like that (in general, no less) can be very triggering.

That's the reality. Rape is a very real concern when living with someone of the opposite sex you know nothing about.

[LiteraryLark]

I know someone who moved in with someone on Craigslist and they turned out to be a tweaker and was creating drugs under their roof.

My best friends moved in with someone they found on Craigslist who turned out to be mentally ill who wouldn't take her medications and was accusing them of stealing and breaking her things, she was stealing their things, she was constantly harassing them and trying to start fights with them so she could call the cops on them.

And this was in my area, not the big city. The big city is where thing get really shady.

[Marshellette]

Originally Posted by Citrine

Do you have gumtree? thats a bit better. Can you search `house shares' or `spare room' see what you come up with. Ive heard Craigslist is a bit dodgy.

House sharing is hard you need to match up well. Take your time but dont dismiss your opp gender. Interests and routines are more important than gender. Unless you specifically want a girl because you dont want to feel uncomfortable around a guy.

Gumtree is only available in the UK.

Originally Posted by DrSkipper

That's the reality. Rape is a very real concern when living with someone of the opposite sex you know nothing about.

That's why you meet them and see the place and discuss details. If you are paranoid do a background check or talk to former roommates. Getting to know people outside your circle is a great experience. I think it is a shame to limit your world so much out of paranoia.

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Originally Posted by DrSkipper

I know someone who moved in with someone on Craigslist and they turned out to be a tweaker and was creating drugs under their roof.

My best friends moved in with someone they found on Craigslist who turned out to be mentally ill who wouldn't take her medications and was accusing them of stealing and breaking her things, she was stealing their things, she was constantly harassing them and trying to start fights with them so she could call the cops on them.

And this was in my area, not the big city. The big city is where thing get really shady.

Wouldn't you be able to pick up on meth cooking? It smells... Really hard to hide. A friend owned a condo that she rented out. The neighbors could tell.

The second story is unfortunate but I still say rare if you follow safety recommendations. I had a roomie kind of like that. Nice thing about apartments you share is you can leave. Still worth the enrichment I say. One of my favorite people in the world was a roomie on a work visa from Wales. Never would have met her otherwise. Just not in the same circles.

How on earth do you date.. Or do you?

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[Travelinglady]

I don't think one girl should live with one guy, wherever the guy's name is gotten, unless they know each other enough to "live together," if you know what I mean. And even then I don't recommend that.

Yes, I am an old lady mom, but....... I had a son who lived with a bunch of girls. That was somewhat awkward for him.

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by Michanne

How on earth do you date.. Or do you?

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Is that any of your business?

I'm just saying there's a LOT of people who will try to rip you off, or seem nice at first but then once you live with them they are a nightmare.

Also, the friends whose room mate turned out mentally ill...they are now living with friends who they've known for a long time, and they are constantly fighting. So you just never know what you're going to end up with.

Originally Posted by DrSkipper

Is that any of your business?


I'm just saying there's a LOT of people who will try to rip you off, or seem nice at first but then once you live with them they are a nightmare.


Also, the friends whose room mate turned out mentally ill...they are now living with friends who they've known for a long time, and they are constantly fighting. So you just never know what you're going to end up with.

I am sorry if you took offense. I was asking because you come across as excessively distrustful of strangers. It was meant in the general sense not as an invasion of privacy.

Life is but a box of chocolates.

You seem very angry. I will not engage further.

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[Marshellette]

Originally Posted by Michanne

I am sorry if you took offense. I was asking because you come across as excessively distrustful of strangers. It was meant in the general sense not as an invasion of privacy.

Life is but a box of chocolates.

You seem very angry. I will not engage further.

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I didn't say anything.

Originally Posted by Marshellette

I didn't say anything.

No it was a miscommunication. Resolved.

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[nummy]

Has he ever had roommates before? Make or female? Can he prove it? Can you look up registered offenders, or something? Can you talk to the landlord (if it's a rental). Would your name be added to the lease? Is there a deadbolt on the door (a good one). Also check for cameras. Because...well, just because.

If you're not comfortable now, meeting him will cement your intuition. Listen to it. Good luck. If you do decide to take it, buy mace at the least.

All those bad things that could happen, could happen if you lived with a female too!!

I don't think there is anything wrong with living with a guy at all!! If you run a check and all is fine then it sounds fine to me.

I wouldn't worry about him hearing you pee!! unless you are doing it in the corner of your room of course! lol xxxxxxx

[justbeingme80]

Get to know him before you move in and run a background check. Make sure you discuss important things such as the rent, daily living things, cooking, cleaning, will you be added to the lease, and if you are added to the lease what you will do if it doesn't work out and you want to move out. And if it doesn't work out and you want to move out, will you be responsible for rent until he finds another roommate. Also, Does he smoke? Drink? Do drugs? Does he have a lot of parties? Get his full name and run a check online to see if he is a convicted felon or is a registered sex offender. You can usually do this for free on the police department website. Talk to the landlord to see if there have been any complaints about him and if he's on time with his rent, to see what kind of tennant he is.

Most importantly, trust your gut. If you meet and you don't feel comfortable, don't do it. Don't let the fact that its the perfect neighborhood or perfect house cloud your judgement.

I don't think there's anything wrong with living with a guy, just make it clear what your expectations are and make sure you draft some sort of roommate agreement that you both follow and agree to. Make sure he knows you're not interested in a relationship up front if that is the case.