Having Kids is Selfish?

Hello, I'm completely selfish in my desire to have at least one child. I don't care about dying alone. My concern is my old age. My adult child, if raised to love and respect his or her parents, will see that someone is giving a bath regularly and that my diaper is clean.

Having a child is in a way a selfish act, if the reason is that one fears dying alone, want someone to take care of them etc. And I never understood the idea that everyone needs to see a bit of themselves continue after they are dead. I certainy never felt that way! And do not for a minute be fooled into thinking that you will not be lonely and miserable in your old age. Having children is no guarantee that you automatically will have some sort of automatic support-system. I have seen some examles of that, and it is not pretty... Also, considering overpopulation, and all the misery in the world... adding another human being to the mess seems like a selfish idea. BUT on the other hand, bringing children into this world is what we as a species do, to continue our exictence. So in a way it is a deep, fundamental human practice. I have a child, and I used to worry about the fact that I have a hereditary illness. I was not aware of that when I had him, and when I found out, I was a bit concerned. I am glad to be alive in a moment of our human history when many women can actually make the choice of how many kids to have, or to choose to not have children. I think a life without children can be just as fulfilling as a life with children. I suspect that the biggest problem with choosing not having kids, is when other people judge or put pressure on you!

Having kids is selfish now? Geez, people who didn't have kids have been called "selfish" all this time, now the opposite choice is also selfish. Guess there's no avoiding being shamed as selfish, so you might as well do what you want.

I'll be the one to throw in a dictionary definition:

So the presence of self-interest alone doesn't make something "selfish." To be selfish you must be "chiefly" doing it for yourself and lack consideration for others. It's fine to do things like have kids because you want to for whatever reason; it's only selfish if your own wants you aren't giving due consideration to others, too.

I wasn't saying having kids is selfish- I was trying to spark interest/conversation- 'flipping the switch,' so to speak because it's usually people who don't have kids who are called selfish. That's why I included a question mark in my title . . . .

If having kids is being selfish, that means your parents was so selfish.

Maybe this strays from the topic, but I find it interesting that we live in a world where we can actually have this conversation. It used to be that there was no other option than to become a parent. Today we can choose. A pretty new development in human history. And a lot of places around the world people do not have the option to choose either. As far as selfish goes, I think it depends on the perspective. The only thing I would call completely selfish is when a woman becomes pregnant, knows who the father is, and does not inform neither the father nor the child.

While you say "people seem to think you're not a true woman until you've poped out a baby or two?", in my country, where the military service is compulsory for men over the age of 18 (the military service can be postponed if they are registered students), I heard people say "A man is not a true man until he has served in the army."

Well, but men being certified with certain physical problems, such as severe myopia, or certain conditions can be exempted from the military service. But actually some men can manipulate the bureaucratic process or utilize some relations to escape the military service. So they don't want to be a true man?

On the other hand, what's good to be a woman? If only those women who have given birth to children are viewed as true women, then just treat those women having not poped up children to be men. I don't care to be treated as a man. Actually often I hope I am viewed as a man because I kept being in a men-dominated environment since college and I don't want to be treated differently, such as keeping physical or friend distance from me, due to my gentle.

In the past, the work loads of the military service is confined to those practices specific to the army, so some are tough or dangerous. But nowadays the scope of the military service is wide; a man can choose to serve in a company or a research institute of their specialized fields for 5 years as their military service after passing some exam and during their military service, they are paid salary. Such a military service sounds not bad compared to giving birth to children and raising them. So probably it's better to be a true man than a true woman.

Our society is so commercialized that one's achievement is usually judged by the money they make. Thus the task of giving birth to children and raising them are despised because they are not paid money. Some women having vocations are even paid less after giving birth to children. It seems to be a manifestation of the scorn for the motherly role. I hate the term 'career women', which sounds like having a career is the extra choice of a woman besides being a mother as a basic role. I think there should be a term 'family women', which implies these women have the extra job of raising children besides their career as a basic role.

A lot of people spend far less time with their friends after having children. Is this an argument to support that having kids is selfish? But having kids is actually a salaryless job and may even lead to less salary or even quitting their vocation. Probably if making kids and raising them are also commercialized by a human-making/raising institute or company, then there is no such issue.

I considered the possibility of passing on my issues. In the end, I came to the conclusion that it's all a roll of the dice. I'm not a gambler. This from a man's perspective. I have never been able to afford to raise a child. I could barely take care of myself, much less a child. So I have always been against having children, myself, and I don't think I have any.

It is very difficult to field questions when you have been with someone almost 20 years. Do you have children? No. (Pregnant pause.) Uncomfortably: 'why not?' Awkward stuff. The implication is something is amiss with the situation. Or at least it's been our inference.

As far as population control, I am of the opinion that line has been crossed. Go for it. Just know your child's life might be more difficult than yours. Or not. But I lean toward the former.

Not having kids is not selfish.
Having kids is not selfish. Unless it is...