A Problem With Promises

This post is about me.

In one of my many nightly listings of the things I have done wrong in life, I came to a realization.

I am really not good at keeping promises.

Long term promises, short term promises. Little promises, big promises. But mostly those long term ones. Those are the ones that concern me. It seems like given enough time, I will eventually break a promise. It could be years. Decades.

In fact, at this moment, I am at a loss to recall a really important promise that I kept.

I mean promises about what I would do, or not do, or promises to myself in that same vein. Quit smoking? Hah. That's just one that I repeatedly break. Seems like a thousand times.

Am I that fickle? That ... unreliable? And if I am, how much does depression, anxiety, mood swings, trauma, life events, and other such things play in to it. By even bringing it up, am I already making excuses?

Very concerned. Trying to examine my behaviors and correct them where I can. This seems like something that is possible. Or is it?

Its good you're trying to correct the behavior. Have you talked about this with a pdoc/therapist?

No. It just came to me last night...and they would tell me I am not taking all my medications, as promised.

I sometimes have an issue with going along to get along. I will say ok just to get someone off my back. Or to avoid an argument. In the name of peace. Sometimes people extract promises I don't really want to give. Almost as if under duress.

If I speak honestly every single time I run in to a situation like this, life would be one giant headache.

That's part of the discussion.

Oh. Your reply was quite patronizing. Really.

Is it like a serious promise? Or just a "I promise I'll call you tomorrow or write" kind of promise? I'm terrible with the latter myself.

I will put it differently.

Having the issues I do, or the issues anyone here might have, do you find it harder to keep promises?

I promised I would never attempt suicide. It was a pact made with someone close to me and I kept it, for a good 20 years. But 3 years ago, I broke the promise and made the attempt.

That's a big one.

A small. I promise I'll quit smoking. And not being able to follow through.

Personally, given the anxiety, depression, mood swings, episodes, and what not, is it harder for me to keep promises than someone without those issues? And what if promises conflict with each other. I am saying through no reasonable forethought that they could.

KaraD, no need to respond.

I was simply trying to offer a suggestion, if you didn't want a reply dont ask a question. Good luck to you

Yes. Your illness had made it unfairly impossible for you to keep promises which you intended to keep. Neither your choice nor your fault.

No I don't. I have C-PTSD, Bi-polar, ADD and so many other issues it's pathetic but I will NEVER break a promise. If someone breaks a promise to me then I will never trust them again.

I will admit that I make a promise once in a blue moon. Instead of saying I promise I will say "I will try my best." or "Barring no unfortunate circumstances out of my control I will do X." because if I actually promise something then even if it meant bodily harm I'd keep the promise.

Well, it didn't sound like a suggestion to me. It sounded like a question. But it's all good. It just annoyed me for a moment.

Edit: It sounded exactly like what I get from people I try to talk to in RL. Simply a way to digress or deflect the question back on me. Perhaps I misread your intent. If so, my apologies.

Good for you. That's how it comes now with cigs. No promises. In fact, when I was younger, that was one of my favorite things to say. No promises. But I also feel that I have been manipulated in to making promises I later realized were unrealistic.

In the end, I made those promises, and broke them. I've talked to many an addict in NA, and this is a common theme. Best intentions in the world, but the drug drives them, in the end.

Isn't that similar to some mental health issues? The issue can drive me. I am not in a position to just say 'stop' and it will go away. When stuff happens, and in the past it has usually dealt with being at a job, having a panic attack, and then walking off the job, never to come back due to embarrassment.

'I promise, hun, I will make this job stick.' I have every intention and belief that I will do so, but in the midst of a panic attack, I don't really have control. The issue does. My panic attacks, sudden feelings of claustrophobia, and consuming anxiety turn me in to someone I don't want to be, and I don't wish it on anyone.

And so I find myself disappointing those close to me. Promises not delivered. That's how I was thinking of it the other night. It's not that I won't keep a promise, it's that I can't.

So I have decided to go back to my old ways. No promises. I guess I was trying to bend like the willow or something ridiculous like that. Nope. Gotta be as strong as an oak.

Pretty much my conclusion. Solution: stop making promises. As above.