[Werewoman]

I have often found the best weapon against living with MI is humor.

A couple of days ago, I was perusing through the various ring tones available for my new phone and came across this:

Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities press 3,4,5 and 6.
If you are paranoid we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we will trace your call.
If you're delusional press 7 and your call will be transferred to the Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and the small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressive it doesn't matter which number you press no one will answer you.

[gayleggg]

lol

Thanks for the humorous post.

[Dog on a Tree]

~throws you all into a volcano~

[lizardlady]

Preliminary Draft of the DSM-V Committee on Cyber Disorders

Lurking Disorder is characterized by one or more episodes of lurking (i.e. at least two weeks of lurking or loss of interest in answering mail accompanied by at least four additional symptoms of Lurking including high on-line time balances, walking away from the computer while logged on, composing posts and deleting them without sending them, etc.)

Chronic Posting Disorder is characterized by at least 4 weeks of posting to a newsgroup or listserv more days than not, accompanied by additional Cyber symptoms such as checking mail several times per day, posts in which the content is shorter than the message header or sig, and messages of extreme anxiety when list volume drops.

Posting Disorder not Otherwise Specified is included for coding disorders with posting features that do not meet the criteria for Lurking Disorder or Chronic Posting Disorder.

Flaming Disorder is characterized by one or more episodes of hot-tempered posts, usually posted within seconds of receiving the 'trigger' message, but can be distinguished from the Flame-With-Apology in that the sender has a sincere belief that he/she is 100% correct and morally entitled to his/her feelings of outrage. Flaming Disorder is often accompanied by Chronic Posting Disorder.

Flame-With-Apology Disorder is a milder form of the Flaming Disorder, in which the poster sincerely apologizes for the first portion of the message and yet sends it anyway. A variation of Flame-With-Apology exists in which posters staunchly defend their position for 3 to 4 days, then abruptly back down and revert to Chronic Posting or Lurking.

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by Werewoman

I have often found the best weapon against living with MI is humor.

A couple of days ago, I was perusing through the various ring tones available for my new phone and came across this:

Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities press 3,4,5 and 6.
If you are paranoid we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we will trace your call.
If you're delusional press 7 and your call will be transferred to the Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and the small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressive it doesn't matter which number you press no one will answer you.

There used to be a real hotline that said this. I listened to it in high school. Not sure if they still have it.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Werewoman

I have often found the best weapon against living with MI is humor.

A couple of days ago, I was perusing through the various ring tones available for my new phone and came across this:

Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities press 3,4,5 and 6.
If you are paranoid we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we will trace your call.
If you're delusional press 7 and your call will be transferred to the Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and the small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressive it doesn't matter which number you press no one will answer you.

If you are manic randomly push any numbers as fast as you can while talking and multi-tasking.

[Werewoman]

Originally Posted by LiteraryLark

There used to be a real hotline that said this. I listened to it in high school. Not sure if they still have it.

I'd be willing to bet a real hotline that says these things would greatly increase the suicide rates.

[Werewoman]

Originally Posted by sidestepper

If you are manic randomly push any numbers as fast as you can while talking and multi-tasking.

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by Werewoman

I'd be willing to bet a real hotline that says these things would greatly increase the suicide rates.

It wasn't a "real" hotline per se, but a real phone number you dialed that said that message and only that message.

[Crazy Hitch]

Heehee HIGH 5 you're awesome

Look.

I laugh at myself daily.

I need a sense of humour.

I am far from perfect and when I do make mistakes I must learn to forgive myself.

[Werewoman]

Originally Posted by LiteraryLark

It wasn't a "real" hotline per se, but a real phone number you dialed that said that message and only that message.

Oh thank God! I just hate to think of anyone calling it thinking it was for real!

[vital]

FDA Approves Depressant Drug For The Annoyingly Cheerful

New Study Finds Therapy, Antidepressants Equally Effective At Monetizing Depression

http://www.theonion.com/articles/new...ally-ef,38026/

Study: Depression Hits Losers Hardest

http://www.theonion.com/articles/stu...s-hardest,924/

Manic Researchers Announce They Are Hours Away From Cure For Depression

http://www.theonion.com/articles/man...way-fro,35273/

- vital

[Werewoman]

Originally Posted by vital

FDA Approves Depressant Drug For The Annoyingly Cheerful

New Study Finds Therapy, Antidepressants Equally Effective At Monetizing Depression

New Study Finds Therapy, Antidepressants Equally Effective At Monetizing Depression | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

Study: Depression Hits Losers Hardest

Study: Depression Hits Losers Hardest | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

Manic Researchers Announce They Are Hours Away From Cure For Depression

Manic Researchers Announce They Are Hours Away From Cure For Depression | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

- vital

I'm sorry, but reading all of these articles requires too much effort from those of us who have the attention span of a gnat and frequent memory lapses. This in turn leads to major depressive episodes.