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#1
Apr 08, 2007, 01:03 AM
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I purchased a box of animal crackers and on the label it read:
DO NOT eat if SEAL is broken.... I opened the box to check and sure enough - 
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#2
Apr 08, 2007, 01:23 AM
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A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30"
he replies: Why? - what happened at 8:30? I tried sniffing COKE once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose. Why do physics have to ask for your name? FOR SALE: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. If you fart continuously for 6 years and 9 months... you will produce gages equivalent to an atomic bomb's energy. <embed src="http://pimped-out.info/swf/glitterfactory/show.swf?message=He%20who%20laughs%20last%20thinks%20slowest&font=http://pimped-out.info/swf/glitterfactory/fonts/plainn_lib.swf&glitter=http://pimped-out.info/swf/glitterfactory/glitters/glitter13.swf&clickURL=http://www.netnax.com/&type=0&clickLABEL=Make Your Own Custom Glitters at NetNax&bevel=1&shadow=1&glow=1&blur=0&fade=0&blink=0&gb=2&ga=0.6&gi=0&gc=10053171&bb=2&bc=0&sb=7&sa=0.7&si=0&sc=0&blb=7&ls=0&fontsize=25&num=13" quality="best" wmode="transparent" bgcolor="#ffffff" width="435" height="58" name="glitters" align="middle" allowScriptAccess="always" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" /> Make Your Own Custom Glitters at NetNax |
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#3
Apr 08, 2007, 09:39 AM
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__________________
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#4
Apr 08, 2007, 11:20 AM
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Bumper Stickers............
I love animals, they taste great. EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later. "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes." Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. He who laughs last thinks slowest! Give me ambiguity or give me something else. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. |
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#5
Apr 08, 2007, 03:28 PM
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more bumper stickers
Remember...pillage THEN burn When life gives you lemons, Shut up and eat your damn lemons!!! When i grow up i want to be a meatball !!!!!!!
__________________
"You look at me, and you dont like what you see. But this is the price of living with you, Mother. " - White Oleander |
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#6
Apr 08, 2007, 06:19 PM
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lol....funny stuff!!!
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#7
Apr 09, 2007, 12:58 AM
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It is good to know I helped someone else LAUGH today........
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#8
Apr 09, 2007, 10:09 AM
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I used to have an open mind, but my brain kept falling out.
I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks - Are YOU reading this? - I didn't know what to say, so... I said Yes, stood up turned the page, then sat back down again. How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? |
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#9
Apr 09, 2007, 12:56 PM
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lol - thanks, laughing is good today - you've jump started my smile.
__________________
W.Rose   ~~~~~ “The individual who is always adjusted is one who does not develop himself...” (Dabrowski, Kawczak, & Piechowski, 1970) “Man’s mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions.” (Oliver Wendell Holms, Sr.) |
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#10
Apr 10, 2007, 03:02 PM
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haha, funny funny.
You ever seen those things that say "hold right side up" on the bottom of the box? lol. and then theres those little smell good things that they put in things to keep them fresh that say "do not EAT" lol. 
__________________
Turn to me and have mercy on me, because I am lonely and hurting. My troubles have grown larger; free me from my problems- Psalm 25:16-17 
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#11
Apr 13, 2007, 12:33 AM
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THE GOOD HUSBAND
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian" He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?" "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.” Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??" His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!" Author Unknown |
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#12
Apr 13, 2007, 02:28 AM
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__________________
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#13
Apr 14, 2007, 12:30 PM
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We have enough youth... how about a fountain of smart?
What is a free gift - aren't all gifts free? |
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#14
Apr 14, 2007, 12:47 PM
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#15
Apr 21, 2007, 08:45 AM
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Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have. If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy? |
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#16
Apr 21, 2007, 09:04 AM
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Am loving these Rhapsody...especially the one about the Good Husband and the newspaper in the subway...awww i havent laughed so much for a while!
Thanks Rhap! Simon |
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#17
May 01, 2007, 02:02 AM
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20 Ways
To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that. 4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it "In". 5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso . 6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write " For Smuggling Drugs". 7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy". 8. Don't use any punctuation. 9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk. 10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order! Is "To Go". 12. Sing Along At The Opera. 13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme? 14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area, Play tropical Sounds All Day. 15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You' Not In The Mood. 16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom. 17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM , Scream "I Won! I Won!" 18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!" 19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go." 20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity ... It's Called... therapy! have a great weekend! |
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#18
May 01, 2007, 11:47 AM
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I loved this, and you know back in my teen age years (very long time ago) I probably would have done some of these, I loved goofing around in a light hearted way.
 Thanks for posting
__________________
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#19
May 09, 2007, 10:00 AM
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Q. What is the #1 reason why dogs don't use computers?....
A. They can't stick their heads out of windows XP. Q. What do you call a minor bird accident? A. A feather bender. |
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#20
May 09, 2007, 10:32 AM
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 These were all fantastic.  I enjoyed them so much and look forward to more.
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