If you are in another state or another country for work or study from where your parents live, would you feel guilty because they are old and alone?

[CaptainChaos79]

Guilt is good for you for about 5-15 minutes at the very most...after that you must dismiss it or do something about it or it becomes a destructive force in your life...period...the end...no exceptions...

[SilverNeurotic]

Both of my sisters live near my parents, but I'd move back if something happened and they needed help.

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That would depend on how much support they have where they are and if they are able to be independent or need care.

I live in a different state from my mother, but she is very active in her community and church and has lived in that town for many years, so she has a good support network and lots of friends.

If she became incapacitated for some reason, then I would probably feel that we needed to be in the same town.

If there is zero economic opportunity where your parents live, and they are doing pretty well on their own, then I don't think that that is reason for moving back where they are. If they are giving you a hard time, tell them to move where you live.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Fact of life, children have to make their way in the world, parents accept that. Perhaps you could too?

[(JD)]

One thing I DON'T have is guilt over caring for my parents... because I did move and take care/have contact with them as I could---nearby. (My 5 siblings moved far away.) Even moving closer to my mom which cost me thousands...and here I am stuck in this town still ten years after her passing. BUT I did this not only because I loved them both (some of that unrequited) and believe it is my responsibility according to God's Word... but because I believe that I surely did not want any guilt to be founded. I wanted to be right where I am---no regrets in that respect.

In today's society there are a myriad of ways to "stay in touch" and I suggest you do so...if not daily (depending upon how old and active they are) to at least weekly.

I crave contact from my sons. I usually have to egg them on with a text, and even then sometimes get nothing back. I am alone, and aging, and disabled... and they "know better" and follow God in other areas... and I surely don't understand why they aren't in contact---

I think you can work this out for all involved.

[guilloche]

Nope. None at all. But, I suspect it strongly depends on your relationship with your parents, and how connected you are.

I come from a very disconnected family. My mom told me once that, by the time I was 9, she figured my "morals were set" and she didn't need to do anything (i.e. she stopped parenting). During the divorce, my father cashed out my college fund (i.e. made up mostly of birthday and Christmas gifts from my relatives) and shortly thereafter, kicked me out of the house. The last time my sister and I gave him money (he lost his job), he moved and changed his phone number without telling either of us.

Growing up, both of my parents made it very clear that they prioritized their romantic relationships over parenting. I had trouble when I first started therapy trying to explain to my therapist that I honestly don't remember having *any* conversations with them, just being occasionally yelled at. I basically lived in my bedroom, as if I were renting a room from strangers, so it's difficult for me to imagine when friends tell me that they "lectured their kids" for example.

Sorry for the long rant, I'm still figuring it out. But, I figure my parents are adults, they can take care of themselves. No guilt here.

[(JD)]

Oh I want to add I think guilloche has made a good point: WE as children do not have to try and correct the wrong decisions our adult parents make! They did make choices and at some point we need to draw the line, I agree. For instance, if they deliberately dropped their long term health care insurance so they could travel and gamble, that doesn't mean YOU have to provide for them in end life!

Well I live within 45 minutes right now of my now retired parents, both in fairly good health and no I would not feel guilty if I moved out of state or country and left them alone. They are both highly independent. My mom has already made it clear that she wants to be put in a home if she gets to bad, I think she knows that her children though we care and love her, don't want to take care of her. If you think that is cold, well it might be, be that as it may she warped me and my siblings and caused all of us undeniable mental health issues. As for my dad, he doesn't take care of him self like he should and I think he may die from a broken heart, since it has been two years almost since he lost the love of his life my step-mom. They were married for 31 years and it is hard for him, he has lost interest in almost everything. He is independent as well and would never want any of his kids taking care of him, but my sister would if she had too. Just like I'd probably be the one to take care of our mother if I had too, I had to once already after she had a surgery, she was down for three months. I know western culture has changed the norms of how eastern culture is and how ours used to be.

Thanks all for your comments. In normal situations, I think parents should put in mind to have their own lives independent of their children to allow their children to grow and have their own lives, and make this message to be heard clear and loud. This might include secure some monies, take care of their health, have good relations with others and be active in the community where they are living in. This doesn't mean not to call and check on them every once a while.

I think children when they see their parents happy, healthy, and enjoying life on their own terms, they won't feel guilty about being apart. On the contrary, this might attract the children to be more around their parents. But when parents make the message heard to be such that we are alone, lonely, unhealthy, or broke and thus we need you around us, this will push children away, at least psychologically.

[Raja121]

Yes. I will be guilty. Because parents stay with us when we can't take care of ourselves. But in his old life, we can't stay with them. It is not good. So, i think we should always take care of them specially when they can't take care of themselves.