I don't really have one, and it bothers me more and more as I get older. I never married or had children, have no siblings and no relatives in the UK where I live, apart from my 84 year old mother who lives with me and I care for. I've always wished I had a family and I know I idealise it. I hate Christmas and festivities and gatherings because they always make me feel sad and inadequate. But I'm conscious from reading postings on here and IRL that families aren't always helpful or loving or as wonderful as I dream of.

What are your thoughts and experiences?

[misslabarinth]

I feel the same, the only difference; is that my family is still here with me. Though the past, as well as present situations have really 'crushed' our relationships together.
This 'family' has been quite dead for awhile now.
I'm a very emotionally detached individual, yes; however I still crave human interaction every now and then...

The saying "blood is thicker than water" doesn't really mean anything to me. My family all thinks I'm the one with mental illness and they are immune to it. I can see the crazy in them as much or more sometimes than myself.
I wish I had my own family. It's just me and my sons. (Which I'm grateful for) but its hard being a single mom. I've had friends in life that were more my family than my own. My family is the cause of much of my stress.

[fishin fool]

Family is not always what its cracked up to be.
I am very close to my three kids but thats about it these days.
Not in touch with any extended family and my mom has alzhiemers.
I have two siblings and we dont speak to each other at all any longer.
I believe they have their issues as well but I am the only one who is
dealing with and getting help for them. I think its wonderful that you take care of
your mom I did the same until she became to much to take care of at home.
It hurts me that I am not close to my siblings but these days I only want to
look forward and not back at all the old nonsense.

[junkDNA]

my dad died when i was 10 and i have little memories of my life before that age. my moms relationship was very strained growing up into my early 20s. i have become closer to my mom and we are like good friends now. i was close to my sister growing up but we drifted in middle school. we are 16 months apart. we got closer as we got older, lived together once. my half-brother lived with us but i dont remember much. havent seen him in years.

[cakeladie]

Disparaissant - I get the blood is thicker then water thrown in my face by my mom and her brothers all the time. My mom lived with a man for 25 years. He raised us my kids called him grandpa etc. when they broke up in her eyes I was supposed to never talk to him or his parents ever again. His parents have been more family to me then my own.

I think family's are made up of all different things and people. The man that I was never supposed to talk to again has always been there for me and my children and my husband. His mom my grandmother has been more of a mother to me then my own.

So don't get stuck on what "family" is supposed to be. It's what you make it. Instead of being alone on the holidays why not volunteer at a children's hospital or something.

Also make friends here I have met some very wonderful people here.

Take care

I get along fine with my wife, two daughters and my grandchildren. I have a strained relationship with my 21 year old son. Kid just sits in his room all day and plays games! To d**m lazy to get a job. Don`t talk to my in-laws or my mother. Dad has been about 3 years now and we didn`t speak for the last 10 years he was alive. So as others have said, family ain`t all it`s cracked up to. I did have a sister and we were close but it has been 19 years since her husband, put it this way. He was in prison for it!

[Loial]

I guess family is just who they are really. It varies a lot for everyone but I think it's fair to say that no family is perfect. Is blood really thicker than water? Maybe for some but I think the truth is as we grow up & become independent, oftentimes are relationships with our families change.

Personally, I'm quite close to my Mum & Dad. We keep in touch regularly & until recently I was seeing them every weekend for a Sunday Roast but they have moved away now. I think what it comes down to is we just enjoy the company of each other... we aren't a particularly emotional family, I've never said "I love you" to my parents but I still feel a strong connection. In many ways this means my parents aren't as supportive as they could be, my Mum although being there for me is quite business like about things & my Dad just seems not to appreciate my struggles at all which is frustrating.

As for my Sister, well that's changed a lot. Growing up she was a bit of a bully to me being 4 years older but as we got older we got closer. However, as she started getting into relationships & eventually married her priorities changed & I hardly ever talk to her anymore. It seems to me she generally only gets in touch with me if she wants something unless it's Christmas or my birthday. When we do meet up she seems to have mellowed out a bit now having her own family but we still don't seem as close as we used to be.

I never really had much of a relationship with my father until after I was diagnosed. I think sometimes that he feels regret for not having stood between me and my abusive mother (he was rarely home and I honestly believe that he was - maybe subconsciously - avoiding his own abuse at her hands). Anyway, we are in touch now every other day and get together about once a week.

Similarly there seems to be a greater understanding between myself and my now adult children. It is as though they have forgiven me for those ocassions I was perhaps lacking as a parent.

My brother and I have gone from not talking to one another to being close. I think too part of that is making up for when my mother was emotionally abusive to me while treating him like he could do no wrong. He has acknowledge that in fact occured and he seems to feel obligated to me as a result.

[BlueEyedMama]

I have a decent relationship with most of my family although they don't truly understand my step sons mental illnesses and everything that comes with it. My eyes were recently opened to a relationship that is much weaker then I thought it was. It's hard living so far away which limits the face/face chance to talk things out. It's a relationship that means the world to me so I will give it time and then do whatever I can to heal it.

I have an excellent relationship with my husband who struggles as I do watching our kids suffer so severely from mental illness. That said we both love our sons very much and have the best relationship that we can with what they are going through.

[WifeofBPD]

I claim more family that isn't blood than family that is blood. I have always been estranged from my older half siblings. Partly due to age differences and partly because they are jerks. My younger full blood sister and I never talk. We are way too opposite of personalities. I have always said that if we weren't related, we would have nothing to do with one another. My mom and I don't really get along. She's my mom and all, but that's the extent of it for me. She made my life very hard as a child (she is untreated bipolar) and still makes it difficult most times. I try to mend fences and invite her over and she always bails. I guess I have always just been the type to go as I please, fall off radar, and keep those loyal to me close, blood or not, and everyone else can just disappear as far as I'm concerned...

Oh, yeah...and my dad passed away in 06. My mom wouldn't let him see us after they divorced in 1981 so we were estranged. When I got older I hunted him down and we had a great couple years. I finally figured out why I was the way I was...I took after my dad... I love him more than any other family member. I'm a true case for the argument of nature vs nurture....

~S~

[BastetsMuse]

Originally Posted by Little Cat

I don't really have one, and it bothers me more and more as I get older. I never married or had children, have no siblings and no relatives in the UK where I live, apart from my 84 year old mother who lives with me and I care for. I've always wished I had a family and I know I idealise it. I hate Christmas and festivities and gatherings because they always make me feel sad and inadequate. But I'm conscious from reading postings on here and IRL that families aren't always helpful or loving or as wonderful as I dream of.

What are your thoughts and experiences?

I have a large family, not that you'd know it if you knew me. There was a lot of abuse in my family, and since I spoke out about it I became "the evil one" and I don't have much to do with them anymore. I'm in my 50s now and once the lot of them found out they couldn't get money from me they left me alone.

I have my husband and my daughter. It's enough.

Thank you all for your replies. They're so very helpful. My biggest problem is thinking I should have a family but don't, so must die because I can't bear to live alone. Always struggle with this one, since I was little, and am now middle aged. Good to hear different perspectives.

[Nihil]

Not so well with my father, fine with everyone else.

[Smileonmyface]

having a really rough time today with my family. i love my kids tons but i have been yelling at them this morning because they are too young to be in school much but old enough to drive me bonkers. then my mother calls early to let me know i should avoid all animals at petting zoos because they might give my kids e coli. which is tragic and sad, but seriously, she only ever calls me to tell me snippets of news like that, or when she is in the car on the way to somewhere else.
my mom & dad are coming for a visit in a couple weeks and i am dreading it and feel on the verge of a nervous breakdown. they will do nothing but criticize every crevice of my life and will see me as weak and self-indulgent because of my "mental illness".
as it is her phone call today has turned my day around. i was doing okay, and now i am not. it is affecting my mood, my children, everything. i am hoping after lunch we can go to the park and try to make something positive happen today.
and this is just one phone call, today.
so yeah, my family. sorry about the rant. it just all hit a nerve today.

[Fresia]

I heard the phrase once, "You can pick your friends but not your family." Well on one hand is true that there is no choice with whom you are related to, but who shares in your life is still your choice, whether friends or family.

I have some family that though I adore, they live far away and do not see often, we are as close as can be. There are others that are ailing and/or are losing their minds, and though may not know me, I will be with them to the end so I will soon be alone even though am in a way already now. Then yet others that have gone down destructive paths that though have tried to help, are not helping themselves, are abusive, and I have tried countless times to help, they have tried to pull me on that path with them, yet I could no longer be a part of their lives. I love them from a far, but do not like them nor associate with them for my own health, safety, and well being.

We each have to do what is best for us, and sometimes friends make better family than family. Sometimes being our own family unit alone is better than suffering the wrath and abuse of others. Sometimes animals are the best family members of all. Supportive family units come in all forms, just may not be the typical "related" way. Then here is the PC family, lovely that it is. Hoping y'all stay safe and be well always.

Originally Posted by Fresia

We each have to do what is best for us, and sometimes friends make better family than family. Sometimes being our own family unit alone is better than suffering the wrath and abuse of others. Sometimes animals are the best family members of all. Supportive family units come in all forms, just may not be the typical "related" way. Then here is the PC family, lovely that it is. Hoping y'all stay safe and be well always.

Thank you for this, Fresia. This sums up perfectly how I feel about the subject.

Well today will be a test. It's Canadian Thanksgiving this weekend and we are having a family dinner today. Twelve plus of us in a tiny condo

Thank you Fresia. Great post.

[*Laurie*]

My birth family is chock-full of mentally disturbed, refuse-to-get-help people. The family I created, including my own kids (now grown) is awesome. I did get help, and broke some really sick cycles. My pet family is fabulous.

Yes I get on with my family, slightly tricky relationship with my mother, but we overcome it mostly.

Husband and son fabulous - just wish I was a better person for them, but that's part of my challenges.

[random_emotion]

I am very lucky when it comes to family and relationships with family member's we are a large close knit family. My mom and I used to argue a lot when I lived at home but since moving out our relationship is much better.

[Brittnyschwartz07]

Not all family's are created equal.... There are plenty of families that consist of personality's that dont mix. Basically Mine! . I live with My mom and bf...we all 3 don't get along. Funny right because my bf would be someone i chose to be with but after 4 years living together i think we wish we would have just gone separate ways. Now with my Schizophrenic mother living with us (shes a hot mess) we have all become enemy's. lol. My family sucks because of our history but there are many many families who are supportive of each other and enjoy the time they spend with each other...not mine, that's just the way it is...

We had a power failure just as we were sitting down to Thanksgiving Dinner last night. Awkward at first, but everyone was forced to talk to one another.