[understandmoon]

Recently I haven't wanted to talk to my family and especially my brother now. I'm 18 and trying to save money to move out and not trap myself in a rushed action(not having a good amount of money to live.)
I was hated talking to my mother because she changes now and then. She'll let me talk wait for a subject she can God crazy christian on me and get mad at me. (Like a new game or my tennis practice or anything..). She did it to my dad when they were married, they were divorced when i was 4, and after that to us. She a narasstic person, her childhood was awful and I feel bad for her younger self but not her adult self. I used too but she would bash on me at a young age for anything, i told her a 6 that i wanted my family back together and she screamed in my face. She would continue to for 12 more years. She kick me out for protecting my brother from her and over a haircut.
I didnt like talking to my dad originally. When i was not at his house I didnt want to cause my mom made him out to be the bad guy. When i would go to his house it was 50/50, id either really enjoy it or hate it. When my parents got divorced I was depressed and even more so when they almost got back together and got into a fight, my mom attacked him...., and I told my teacher i dont care if i get D's and F's and instead of understanding he got pissed. My dad is still more understanding then my mom as i grew up and i could tell him alot more but he can go for low blows. We were having arguements about black life matter situations and my neighborhood was worried and my friends so i was posting alot to social media and showing both side, I'm black but im not black lives matter, im all lives matter, so i was showing the bads of both not just one, my dad called me and instead of telling me he didnt like where i got the info from he kept asking vague questions, "Who is mikes corner?" I had NO idea what he was talking about cause I shared the video not the profile. He later proceeded to say my mom, the one he thinks is crazy and abusive, might be right about me.. and that really hurt. He did it when I benched pressed 80lb dumbells, "you probably could have did 100lbs" and when i got sucker punched by some random guy who I was trying to calm down and help and i fought back after being dazzed,"you could have beat him if you did make that dumb decision". It hurts more with him cause i thought we finally connected. Ive never felt connected with my mom shes always not real, you argue with her and she has no emotions. You'll cry and no response.

Lastly is my brother. I kinda had to raise him. We were babysat ALOT and went back and forth in these homes. My parents werent as there for him as i had to be. When they fought i had to try and calm him down at like 6 yrs old. As we grow he always took his anger out at me, he would swing bats at me, scratch me up, bite me have the time, and more, but i always held back. He would scream how he hated me and more. He punched me in the jaw as a kid as i was trying to calm him down and that was the one time ive ever really hit him back, once and i regretted it. So i always stuck to dying him down emotionally and phyiscally, with no painful things. He never holds back though and ALWAYS low blows and will say im breaking our "code". Now that he's older he's EXTREMELY intellegent but not very wise and doesnt get simple things. I speak for him at family unions or places cause he'll get really nervous, only recent years have i stopped. Out of request and frustation. He and my dad have moments of no understanding, my dad is mad and my brother cant explain so i have meditate. It's hard to talk to him cause anything i do is me either being upset, the perfect one, or a lying victim. I once cried my eyes out for 3 hours by myself my brother and mom found me and he was like why should i forgive you, youll do it again. He made me take a narassitist test in secert to "test" me. I wasnt a narasstist like my mother. He's republican, My dad is democratic and i have to hear both of them ALL THE TIME and they dont see their problems. If i dont agree with him or dont wanna talk im just being upset. If i talk to my cousins im changing their view of him, even though i tell them not to judge him cause our family is jacked up. Last year, he and my mom bashed on me for not wanting to talk to him and now he only does so so. He's just alot to deal with and they all stress me out. Its hard to practice driving but i do so i can see my girlfriend and get away. I dread to have a convo with them and i love when they arent home. How do i deal with they in your opinion? Is it me? are my issues even big?

[Skeezyks]

Hello understandmoon: I'm sorry you are having so much difficulty with your family members. Family relationships can be such a challenge! Realistically I don't have any suggestions to offer you as far as how to deal with them. From my perspective this is something that you might want to work on, over time, with the help of a counselor or therapist, if you have the ability to see one. It would take time & effort to figure out ways in which you can deal effectively with the situations you describe. Ultimately, your decision to save up to move out on your own may well be the best way to resolve these problems.

Is it you & are your issues even big? Well... as the old saying goes... it takes two to tango. So, sure, there may be some things you're doing that are contributing to these problems. (This is where a counselor or therapist could potentially be particularly helpful.) But I'm also quite certain it's not all you. And, to some extent, it doesn't matter whether or not your issues are big. The fact is they are disturbing to you. And that in-&-of itself is reason enough to try to figure out some way to resolve them. I wish you well...

Gosh I am sorry to hear this. I agrree with the above recommendation regarding counseling. In fact, if possible I would take your mother to a sessions with you.

[Artchic528]

Sounds like an unhealthy environment to me. Maybe you should express your concerns with a therapist, talk about it all and see what they think? It couldn't hurt.