[Marylin]

So it has been a long drawn out day.I got some laundry done and my niece helped me make a casserole.The freezer door wouldn't shut,the ice had grown into the door so have had to turn it off and defrost it,had to empty it of everything.I will give the ice time to melt and mop up the excess water before switching it back on,so then it should shut properly again,the door.

I am tired,it has been boring today and I hated being alone when my niece left.
Tonight I am going to watch the first film in the Guardian Of Galaxy films.

It is going to be on telly.I am wondering whether or not my abnormal cells have turned to cancer?I haven't been bleeding so they may not have.I am trying not to worry.
What I am worried about is benefits being cut,people being transferred form DLA which is the benfit I am on to PIP which is the benefit replacing DLA are not being awarded enough points to qualify for PIP even though they qualified for DLA.One man had poor vision and mental illness and he says the assessors lied and told half truths to fail him so he did not get awarded the PIP.I am scared cos PIP is a gateway benefit I will lose a lot of money if they stop me it!
It doesn't help there is always stuff in the papers about people having their benefits cut and still being really ill.I feel scared.Sometimes I can not worry and say it won't happen to me,and surely with all my illnesses they can't stop my money.I am due to be transferred from DLA to PIP this coming September,I also think if they are out to save a lot of money and they haven't met their targets I will get mine cut.

It is cold today too even though I have had the heating on.I gave in my readings for the meter they told me today I have to pay £10 a fortnight extra to what I am already paying,which means less to live on.

I wish someone loved me and would hold me in their arms and reassure me all will be well.I need hugs folks if you are watching.

My cats are home and cuddled up.I am looking forward to watching that film.

[Miss Laura]

Hey Marylin,

Re PIP I'm going through PIP right. My DLA is up in July. I got my PIP form mid March. Had to be in 10th April. I went to ours Carers Centre to fill it in. Go into somewhere where they can give you support. You have to do a phone call first then they send out the form. I'm dreading the face:face

[Marylin]

Hello Miss Laura,
I am dreading it if I have to have a face to face assessment,all my benefits so far was just a paper assessment.I am scared they will lie or deliberately try to make out I am a fake.They make me feel undeserving and that I should be struggling,that they don't have to give me enough to live on that cos I don't work I should get by with a lot less.I emailed my MP and told him my fears,he said there are no plans to reduce benefits for those in the support group,which I am,it is just something that is always going to be hanging over us.After the transfer from DLA to PIP they will want to review my ESA and by 2022 we are all going to be switched to universal credit which will definitely be a lot less money.It is scary.

I am very depressed tonight,I always worry about benefits when I get low and depressed,it is a sure sign I am depressed when I obsess about benefits.That is part of the anxiety and depression.

I couldn't watch the film,my concentration was bad and I missed the first half hour,I couldn't switch off to focus on the telly.I feel very lonely tonight,I want company.I am worried all the time.

I still have the freezer to sort out so I will go and do that.I also have to wax my face get rid of the facial hair and go have a shower.
I am feeling so bad,it is just one of those nights I am usually better after a good sleep,so hopefully I will feel ok again in the morning.

I hope your PIP claim goes ok Miss Laura and that you don't have to have a face to face assessment.

[Miss Laura]

I am awaiting a date for the face:face. I'm in the supported group for ESA too (that's the group you don't need to look for work right?) I'm itching to work but can't seem to get a job. I'm dreading everything surrounding PIP.... I get severely anxious with respect to my benefits. I am stressing about money even though everyone says just to wait and see. I'm naturally a worried/anxious person but this is making me go over the top

[Marylin]

I know I worry too a lot Laura.It is cos before I hardly had enough to eat and had to make every penny count,and I was ill and struggling to do everything myself cos I didn't have money for help.I dread being in that position again and doesn't it scare you when you hear of people who are genuinely ill having their benefits stopped for no reason other than the assessors lied and made up half truths?

I have both mental and physical illness,if they try to stop or reduce me on PIP I will appeal all the way but it is a lot of distress and mental anguish isn't it?

[Marylin]

I am upset and agitated now.I waxed my face and had a shower and then got myself exhausted sorting the freezer,chipping away at the ice and getting it all defrosted and clean.I've done it now,switched it back on and put stuff back in before it defrosted.Mopped the floor clean but I am exhausted now,was going to watch telly but I am too upset,cos I am overtired,and that always sends my mood plummeting.I am really feeling bad and this is not a good time to be alone.

The fear my benefits will fall into jeopardy is constantly in the back of my own mind. Will they see that I am physically able, ignore my psychiatric assessment, and force me back to work? Will my rent go up forcing me to move? This in turn will trigger a reassessment, etc.

The statutory holiday is now behind us and so things begin to once again roll forward. With each day I feel the above disaster draws closer.

The banking holiday lightens the frustration though of the waiting game for my parcels, new eyewear, and more.