[ArcheM]

My controller, who checks my work, said that they're too busy today. So I think it's my day off. I wish I could do something productive, but I didn't sleep well. I don't sleep particularly well most of the time, but today my phone decided to tell me that its battery was too low about half an hour before the alarm... So I haven't been doing anything really, because in my experience on such days I just won't be able to focus (on my hobbies, that is), and if I try to force it I'll feel miserable without achieving anything. I guess an alternative would be to just rest very well and have fun. But I don't really know how. I've watched some Youtube videos, but my subscriptions didn't take a lot of time. I'm not watching any TV series and I've played all the videogames I own to death (but I don't want to buy new ones because right now I'm feeling in a vulnerable financial situation). I'm not reading any books because I've stopped trusting them. I used to buy them for my Kindle, but it ends up being too expensive, especially since somehow the last few books I bought, which were full-priced, either turned out too boring or too depressive, and I didn't get even past the middle (or maybe even 1/10th).

I guess this is to stave off loneliness and getting overwhelmed by thoughts of my own mortality, because I often feel like time is slipping through my hands. There's still 7 hours to get through, and hopefully tomorrow I'll sleep better and anyway, there'll be work.

I'm also trying to stay connected to people and maybe that's happening in this thread.

It is good you are reaching out.

Investigate local used book stores. I for a while had both a kindle and kobo reader but I found them difficult to read. There is something more soothing and real about holding an actual book in one's hand.

Are you able to take a walk, even if it is a short one. I will do so before engaging in my own hobbies - art, reading, etc. It is hard to motivate myself to do so but when I am able to win the battle I feel much better. Do you have a real life person to engage? Even a support group will get you out in a setting you are with other people.

[ArcheM]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

It is good you are reaching out.

Investigate local used book stores. I for a while had both a kindle and kobo reader but I found them difficult to read. There is something more soothing and real about holding an actual book in one's hand.

Are you able to take a walk, even if it is a short one. I will do so before engaging in my own hobbies - art, reading, etc. It is hard to motivate myself to do so but when I am able to win the battle I feel much better. Do you have a real life person to engage? Even a support group will get you out in a setting you are with other people.

Going outside nowadays kind of makes me anxious. Like, passing other people, crossing looks... But there's no bookstores nearby anyway. At one point in my life I think it would have been refreshing to ride into the city and browse books, but nowadays it's much more of a feat (I think it has a bit to do with the fact that I work from home)... I don't know, I associate bookstores with being sweaty and anxious. I guess it's because I once tried to work in one, but it didn't do much good with my social anxiety.

There's really just my mom who I live with, but we don't have a very emotionally open relationship... Well, she kind of does. She's very proficient at expressing her worries, but I'm not.

I like your art. I find something soothing in the smooth pastels, those with spread out transitions (I don't know the real term), although it's also the style... I kind of only can do realism. Well, used to try to and somewhat managed. Anyway. Having a style is cool.

I mean, I could go outside with the language-learning app I have on my phone... Although not now since it's raining. But it's an additional layer of courage since I'd go out essentially for the purpose of muttering to myself unintelligibly.

[ArcheM]

Or maybe not. That is to say, at the end of last year I actually went to the bookstore where I had tried working, so maybe I'm not so bad.

[ArcheM]

Well, what do you know. When my mom came from work and turned on the TV, even though I hate the stuff she watches, just hearing human voices kind of gave me some energy. And then I also went and looked at a forum which I left about a year ago. The forum, as far as I understand, is full of trolls, but I didn't understand until kind of too late. Seeing it gave me new anger and a burst of adrenalin and I think I'm ending the night on a high, somewhat productive note.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by ArcheM

Well, what do you know. When my mom came from work and turned on the TV, even though I hate the stuff she watches, just hearing human voices kind of gave me some energy. And then I also went and looked at a forum which I left about a year ago. The forum, as far as I understand, is full of trolls, but I didn't understand until kind of too late. Seeing it gave me new anger and a burst of adrenalin and I think I'm ending the night on a high, somewhat productive note.

I'm so happy to hear/see you in good spirits ❤